Parental Concerns With a Adult Daughter And Teenage Daughter Posted: 02-25-06 18:34pm
A parent has a 19 year old daughter and a
14 year old daughter. The parent
constantly worries about the 19 year old
and barely worries about the 14 year old
because she believe that the 14 year old
knows what she is doing, strong, mature,
independent and responsible and the 19
year old is fragile, naive, immature, and
dependent. While growing up, the parent
never really worry about the 14 year old
and always worry about the 19 year old.
The parent says "because the 14 yr old is
strong I never have to worry about her.
She knows what she is doing. Wherever she
goes, I never have to worry about her.
Even if she has a problem, she knows how
to find the right people for help. I am
ok with her. She is unlike the 19 yr old
when I have to worry about her about
everything ever since birth. She is
nothing like her younger sister. She
functions like a preteen. Comparing to
other people her age, she was a very late
maturer since birth." it is normal for
parents to give care to the child when
they need it, but they have to understand
that bwtween an adult and teenager, they
have to worry about the teenager more.
There is a lot about teenagers that
parents need to be aware of, peer
pressure, etc. When you are a child,
parents need to worry about it. When you
are over 18 you are expected to think for
yourself, whether you are mature or not.
Right??? So why are these parents
treating the 19 year old like a 10 year
old, and treating the 14 year old like a
30 year old??? I don't understand. I
feel that some parents are sometimes
overly confident about children, while
some are too nervous and give too much
care to adult children. I wonder what is
wrong. Is the parent wrong for doing
this? Who's right? Who't wrong? Who
should the parent worry about more?
|
Morning_Glory
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 207 Location: NE Ohio
Posted: 03-20-06 21:47pm
What relationship are you to these
people?
As a parent myself I know my child pretty
well and know when he needs input from me
and when its safe for him to just work it
out himself. The parents might have good
cause to worry about the nineteen yr old
and good reason to trust the judgement of
the fourteen yr old. Not knowing these
people personally, I couldn't offer any
other advice.
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-24-06 06:58am
Every child is different and everybody's
experience is different. Having said that
I agree there is reason for
concern...There's numerous examples of
families with say a handicapped child or a
child with a terminal illness...And these
children require extra care. Often the
other siblings feel left out, neglected
and unloved.....And because of necessity,
mature faster than their peers. This can
also be the case here....The immature 19
year old is getting all the
attention...And probably part of the
personality enjoys this attention. Since
some people believe they can't get
attention by doing good they take the easy
way out and "screw up" all the time.
The 14 year old needs attention,
recognition, hugs and love. The parents
should not heave a sigh of relief....Cause
given the wrong kind of attention...This
could easily change. If children are not
getting recognition at home....They will
look for it elsewhere. :)
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