Weird Feelings About Fiance's Past Posted: 02-28-06 14:55pm
My fiance and I have always been open with
each other regarding our pasts...Only
there's some differences that probably
make it easier for her to deal with mine
than me with her's. She's been married
before, and as such was sexually active
long before she met me. The first time I
had sex with her was my first time.
She's told me that I can ask her anything
about her past that I want, and there are
some things that i'm curious about. But
I know that some of the things that i'm
curious about also could be things that I
just think I want to know until I hear the
answer.
I know that it is better to let sleeping
dogs lie in some cases, and this seems
like one of them. And I know I don't
want to open a can of worms that could
destroy our relationship. I was just
hoping someone out there could give me
some advice.
|
Lalee
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2006 Posts: 991 Location: South Carolina
Posted: 03-01-06 00:44am
I can understand how you feel. My
boyfriend is 9 years older than me and has
been through a lot in his life: including
near-death experiences, going to prison
(it was for drug charges... Don't want
you to think i'm holed up with a psycho or
something. Lol), being married and being,
well, a ladies' man. I, on the other
hand, had only had one sexual experience
before I met him, and that was something
that happened against my will.
I've asked him a lot about his past
before, and he's always answered. But
some things, the things I know deep down
that I don't want to hear, I leave alone.
My reasoning is this: I didn't know him
while he was dealing drugs or while he was
dating all these women. I know he doesn't
have stds, and I know he doesn't have
children, and that's good enough for me.
Anyway, what he did before we met really
has no bearing on our relationship now,
because we didn't even know each other
existed.
It would be unfair of me to judge him on
how many sexual partners he's had or how
many he's had at one time, even. I don't
ask him to compare me to his past partners
because, well, that's stupid. And he
tells me good things anyway. I know he
might be lying to make me feel good about
myself, but I don't care because I know
he's happy and he loves me. So what if
some other girl gave him a better blow
job? Who's he with now? Me.
These might not be the same questions
you're thinking, but the logic still
applies. Unless it's something horrid
that might be repeated (like cheating or
abuse), just ask yourself... Does it
really matter? Is there anything you can
gain from her answering that specific
question? I doubt it. She's with you
now, and she loves you, and you can't mull
over what she may or may not have done
before you were together. It's only
what's happening now and in the future
that's important now.
|
hemostatic_electricity
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 40
Posted: 03-01-06 09:02am
That's what I needed to hear. Thanks.
|
sandy78
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 81 Location: Cali.
Posted: 03-13-06 21:44pm
When going into something like marriage
you need to be 100% sure of things. If
you have any issues, the both of you
should talk about them openly.
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