|
brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Location: ohio
|
I Have Been Married For 12 Years And Now Im Losing It
Posted: 03-01-06 18:22pm
|
|
|
|
Well I have been married 12 years and have
always loved and complimented my wife.
She cheated on me in our 5th year after
our son was born.
I went absoloutly apeshit!
I tore the house apart wanted to hurt her
but my family intervened.
I have spent every day after that trying
to make up for it .
I do love her with all my heart but at the
time I wasnt mature enough to do the right
thing.
I did forgive her and love her as hard and
as much as I could I tried to be
everything for her .
Then she got a job in another state worked
there for a year and we were okay I was
having doubts about infidelity but didnt
push it I didnt want to drive her away .
Then we took a second mortgage on the home
so she could quit her job well she didnt
so I held on took care of my son and all
household duties
another year passes and she stops coming
home thru the week to save gas
i let it go dont wanna cause waves then
she wants a new mustang we buy it
5 months later she says sorry I have been
having an affair for a year and living
with the guy for six months thru the week
good bye and leaves my son and I what!
How could she do that?
I still love her and would like to make it
work am I an fool I just dont know anyway
some help would be appreciated much
thank you
|
|
|
|
|
 |
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
|
Posted: 03-01-06 18:56pm
|
|
|
|
|
I am sorry to hear about your problems but
actually, they are her problems, it is her
loss, you have your son, yes, you have the
scars but they will heal, you deserve
better then that, that guy surely cannot
have much respect for her after what she
did to you, you can hold your head high,
it is not your fault, you gave her
everything and she took advantage of you.
It is time to move on. When you are
ready and are not just on the rebound you
will meet someone that will treat you like
you deserve to be treated and then you
will be happy although you will never
forget her you will find that it will be
easier to let her go.
My feeling is the only way to get over one
especially when they have treated you bad
is to meet someome that will treat you the
way you deserve to be treated.
Good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Location: ohio
|
Thank You Sandy
Posted: 03-01-06 19:31pm
|
|
|
|
|
Sandy I was on the phone with my sister
when you replied .
I read what I wrote to her. Then read
your reply to her .
She really likes your thaughts so do I .
Thank you for your help so much it means
allot to me.
This whle rollercoaster ride is to much to
take at times .
And im not sure how I really feel half the
time .
All I know is I love my son and want he
best for him.
My wife hooked up with a guy thats makes
as much as both of us did together.
And now I reduced to barely making it I
just want to be sure this is right for my
son I think it is .Because his whole
family is here for him except his mother .
My inlaws have been very supportive and
still want me around .
Ahhh well I need to get my mind on the
road to the future ill probably write back
again as im sure ill need advice and thank
you so much for yours thank you very
much
|
|
|
|
|
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
|
Posted: 03-02-06 11:58am
|
|
|
|
|
Is the stang under your name or hers?I
would cancel the account the money comes
from if your the one paying for it.She
doesnt deserve something you bought.I am
happy you are staying strong for your son,
and I know you will find someone much
better than her.In the end,i think she
will be the one who gets screwed!Stay
strong!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Lalee
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2006
Posts: 991
Location: South Carolina
|
Posted: 03-02-06 12:03pm
|
|
|
|
|
Your son is lucky to have a father like
you... Who thinks of him first. (not
saying that's not how it should happen,
just that it's not how it really does
happen sometimes.)
anyway, I think sandy said it pretty well,
but I wanted to tell you my heart goes out
to you, but I think you will be just fine.
I also wanted to tell you to, please, not
try and compare your wife to other women
you are sure to eventually meet. A lot of
people who are cheated on and devastated
like that are sure it's going to happen
again and ruin other relationships out of
paranoia. I know it might be hard, but
you will have to go into new relationships
with a clean slate. Trust again. Don't
give her the satisfaction of causing that
long-term damage to you. She's not worth
it.
Good luck. You are a kind and caring man
who deserves and will surely have a
rewarding life.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Location: ohio
|
Thanks Again
Posted: 03-03-06 09:06am
|
|
|
|
|
Thanks again for the support my lawyer has
advised on not closing any accounts until
after the first hearing .
We are asking for my son for my home child
support spousel support her retirement and
that she pay half the debts (second
mortgage and her car)
if all this comes thru I should be able to
make it comfortably and still be able to
remodel the house.
I will never compare her to another woman
and will definetly keep my eyes wide
open.
I ill never take the verbal abuse again
and the constant stomping down of my self
esteem.
When the only reason she did this was to
make herself feel better because something
is missing inside her.
And no one can fill that void for her she
needs therapy.
So now that her verbal abuse doesnt matter
I have to listen to her call me
threatining to suicide if she doesnt get
our son .
I try to talk her through it (cause er bf
just gets mad at her ) what a loser cant
even try to comfort her they deserve
eachother two shallow self serving
people.
Now shes po'd at her family and will not
speak to them because they want to
associate with me.
Im not even worried about finding another
woman I think it would just complicate my
life and cloud my judgement maybe later
tho but not for awhile.
I want my son to have a better life than I
did I was the product of a broken home
too.
My mother did the same thing to my father
she got custody and bounced from man to
man and they were always more important
thats not happening to my son.
My father was alienated and in pain he
didnt know how to act and went through
therapy for years.
At the age of 28 we finally learned how to
speak to eachother again and have both
realised how much we have missed in our
lives .
My mother was so messed up she left me
with a bf and moved out when I was 12
fortunatly my older sister was married and
had a home she took me in I thank god for
her.
So now I haved stopped drinking (that was
just to numb the pain)
only drank 3 beers a day anyway.
Have been losing weight and trying to get
back into the shape I was in when I met
her.
Its going well so far
and getting better everyday once again
thank you for your support
and I will keep you posted on what happens
in the near future
thanks again brako
|
|
|
|
|
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
|
Posted: 03-03-06 10:37am
|
|
|
|
|
Im happy we could help you.Please keep us
posted on what happens,i would really like
to know! Good luck with it
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Location: ohio
|
Rollercoaster Ride
Posted: 03-05-06 12:49pm
|
|
|
|
|
Wow the after effects stink im happy one
minute confused the next then breaking
down and crying like a wuss.
Usually after I see her .
She came and got our son yesterday to be
with him for the evening and today.
She stayed for about 45 mins and we were
both nice.
She told me the new bf is wanting to buy a
new house(and he told her nothing would be
in her name) she then told me good that
way when I leave him I wont have to go
thru all this crap.
I dunno she sounds really messed in the
head.
She also also stopped in this morning with
my son and hung around for awhile .
My son is acting out badly around her I
had to call her dads 3 times last night to
calm him down and tell him to listen to
her.
But I got to drive her mustang to the
store today (her dad still has my jeep)
i have been hanging around with her
younger sister shes 22 and going out as
friends.
And my stbx thinks we are an item but I
let her know we werent
but her sister and I have always been
tight whenever she needed someone to talk
to who wouldnt judge her and would listen
she came to me.
It is nice to see the stbx jealous tho
lol
she complimented me saturday telling me
how good I looked
and asked if I colored my hair (i wont
color my hair)
im naturally salt and pepper on the sides
my hair is almost millitary short and
spiked so you really dont see the gray (i
think it looks good )
but my confidence isnt shaken either I
know im still in the game thanks to her
little sister getting me out of the house
and meeting people (of course they are all
younger than me but we have fun)
before I never even looked to see if
anyone else was checkin me out but now im
starting to notice and it feels good!
Anyway I beter go cyas my court date is
the 22cnd of this month it cant come fast
enough be well all!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 6806
Location: Florida
|
Posted: 03-06-06 10:50am
|
|
|
|
|
Sounds like things are going ok for right
now,except for with your son. It does
sound like your x is messed up in the head
if she makes comments about leaving her
new man in the future.Now you know it was
nothing you did wrong. I would becareful
with her complimenting you though,she
might try to come back to you after all
she has done.It's up to you whether you
take her back but just remember what she
did to you and your son before you make
any decision if it swings your way.I am
also very pleased to hear you are going
out and meeting new people,that I think is
one of the best things you could do for
yourself. Kepp the post up about how
things are!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Location: ohio
|
If She Comes Back
Posted: 03-06-06 22:05pm
|
|
|
|
|
Christ I dont know how I feel now let
alone if she does that .
I wil have to tell her no tho and its
going to hurt me more.
Christ this isnt easy wish I was cheating
on her .
I want the bes for my son and a family
would be best but I dont think she knows
how to do it.
Her dad is now getiing ready to move in
with me as his gf is dying.
(cancer and heart problems) I just dont
know what to do everyday is a kick in the
balls .
I do love her family tho they are good
people just not sure what to do.
Christ maybe I need a head doc
anyways thanks for the help all
keepin me from goin nutz
brako
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
hazel82
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 39
Location: Ontario
|
Posted: 03-07-06 09:20am
|
|
|
|
|
First of all thanx for the advice you gave
me and secondly I really feel for you on
this one...If I was you I wouldnt take her
back, not even for the sake of your son.
My dad cheated on my mum a few times...And
they stayed together for the sake of me
and my brother and sister. My parents
were miserable for years but just put up
with each other. I have found that the
way my parents were has reflected in my
own relationships! Your son looks upto
you as a roll model. And kids learn how
life and relationships should be from
their parents.
You sound like your too forgiving. She
has broken your heart twice now. You
deserve so much more than that! I can
understand how you feel so torn
though...Its hard to know if your making
the right decission!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Location: ohio
|
Update
Posted: 03-22-06 16:07pm
|
|
|
|
|
Well today we had the temporary orders set
up
i have custody!!!
I have to drive my son to richmond ind
once a month meeting her halfway to
indianapolis so he can spend one weekend
there
then she may visit 2 sundays a month here
in our town.
Also getting child support 460 a month
so now we just have the main hearing I
guess where my lawyer will ask for spousel
support
anyway im happy with it so far
thanks for all of your kindness and
support
brako
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
torsoqueen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Mar 2006
Posts: 3
Location: Michigan, Northern USA
|
Please Be Strong For Your Boy!
Posted: 03-23-06 00:24am
|
|
|
|
|
Good lord, don't take that woman back!!!
The only reason she would be coming back
would be because she started feeling
scared. Don't fall for it! A woman who
loves her husband and understands what
marriage and commitment mean, do not have
affairs and then leave! And how could a
mother abandon her little son? I'll tell
you how! She can do it because she
really only thinks of her own desires! A
good mother always thinks of what is best
for her child. It seems your wife was
only thinking about what was best for her
sex life!! I am so sorry to hear about
your father's ill health. You must feel
so overwhelmed! But please don't
despair! Stay strong! Ask for help
when you need it. There are a lot of
resources out there that can help you.
Open the yellow pages! Make some calls!
I know you must be feeling so depressed,
but please stop dating and focus on your
son right now. It is going to take a
really strong man and devoted father to
help your son get over his mother's
abandonment! He deserves at least one
parent's full attention. Sorry if I
sound harsh but you picked that woman to
be the mother of your child and now you
have to make it up to your son. Don't
you wish someone had done that for you
when you were a little, sad, abandoned
boy? I do know what I am talking about.
I wish someone had done that for me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Location: ohio
|
I Agree
Posted: 03-23-06 21:16pm
|
|
|
|
|
Torso queen the only reason I went out was
at the time my wife had my son .
I couldnt be in the house alone .
But now that we actually have things
written down I feel okay.
When hes at home he is all that matters.
When hes gone which thankfully will only
be one weekend a month I will make damn
sure im available to him(cell phone on
high)
i have to be available last time he went
there (to his mothers)
i had to call him 3 times to settle him
down (he will not listen to his mother)
she never gave a mothers attention to him
she would buy gifts and let him run till
it made her nuts.
Shes not his mother she is his problem.
The wifes b/f even called my sis inlaw to
ask what I do to settles him down.
Just pay attention dont try to divert
their attention to a new toy or game
my wife used to let my son run rampant!
I was not allowed to parent my child
without a fight or divorce threat.
My son actually stabbed his cousin while
my wife was watching them .
But yet when shes not around his grades go
up and hes a damn angel
i do not have to raise my voice to my son
we respect eachother.
Well to actually make a point here my son
does come first
and he always will .
I have already asked him that if I meet
someone I want his honest opinion
if they are right or not
but its gonna be a long while im not ready
yet (thats why I am glad I dated a couple
of times)
anyway I gotta go gotta work at 3:30 in
the am
thank s a bunch and if you think im still
mese up let me know
cyas brako
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
torsoqueen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Mar 2006
Posts: 3
Location: Michigan, Northern USA
|
Posted: 03-23-06 23:42pm
|
|
|
|
|
Brako- no I do not think you are messed
up!! You sound like you have very good
instincts on parenting, actually. I
didn't mean to jump right down your throat
but you wife sounds so scary to me! I'm
not going to lie- i'd be scared to death
when your boy had to go visit his mother
if I were you. Thank god your son has
one good parent!
I take it back, brako. There is actually
one area of your personality that maybe
you should give some serious thought to.
People who date or marry people like your
wife do it because they don't think very
highly of themselves. They don't think
they deserve someone who treats them well.
Maybe just give some thought to why you
picked someone as unstable and
self-involved as your wife. By the way,
in case you haven't figured this part out,
your wife picked you because she knew that
she could walk on you and treat you like
s##t! But not anymore and never again,
right brako? Not with her or anyone even
remotely like her!
Be strong! Your life sounds incredibly
difficult and challenging right now.
When you are feeling low, just think of
how happy and safe your son feels when he
is with his daddy!
|
|
|
|
|
