Can Anyone Offer a Man's Point of View On Weight? Posted: 03-02-06 00:29am
I have been married for almost 6 years.
Two years into the marriage, my hubby let
me know that he thought I could stand to
loose a few pounds. Currently, I weigh
140 pounds and am 5'7" tall. According
to my research, that is middle of the road
for my height, but considered a healthy
weight nonetheless. He is dissatisfied
and wants me to loose 10 pounds. He is
frustrated that I don't set goals for
working out (but I do go to the gym almost
every day) and that I occassionally make
food choices he disproves of (like having
a bowl of ice cream or eating some pizza).
I accept the fact that I will never
grace the cover of a magazine, but am I
crazy to think that he doesn't have a
right to be displeased with my weight?
It is such a turn off to me that he is so
obsessed with health and fitness. Am I
wrong to think that a person's inside
should count for more than their outside?
I am so scared, becuase I am craving
positive male attention to the point that
I feel vulnerable to the posibility of an
affair. Advice?
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-02-06 11:13am
That offended you right?Well if it did I
think you have a right to be mad about
what he said.If you are happy with your
self thats all that matters. He should
love you for who you are.You don't sound
like you look bad,especially 140lbs at
5'7".Is he a cut guy,does he work out? If
he isn't, remind him he isn't at his best
weight either and you thing he should shed
some too.If you feel you will want to have
an affair,i think you need to talk to him
about this.Tell him he is not giving you
the type of attention you need/want from
him and it is just driving you away.
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w0rldd0minat0r
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 238
Posted: 03-02-06 18:35pm
Dont have an affair they ruin lives talk
to him and if it isnt working break up
with him dont just put him on hold while u
search for someone else. Dont put off
talking to him because it will make the
situation worse. In the end an affair
isnt for life your just going to make sure
that it doesnt work out you need to find
some way of sorting it out or break up
counselling?
Chatting?
Writing him a note?
Pick a way but dont cheat you would be
doing worse then he is.
And dont feel concious about your weight
it was wrong for him to say that
maybe join a gym together if he isnt as
toned as he thinks!
It is important that your partner feels
that he has what he wants too.
Think about both sides but dont have an
affair it will go down hill from there
take care
remember your beautiful
gavin
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wifeandmomtoone
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 8 Location: OR
Posted: 03-02-06 22:42pm
Thanks to both of you who wrote in with
your thoughts. I feel like i'm going
crazy and it helps to at least be able to
vent and hear another angle on all this.
To answer your question, yes it really
hurt me to hear that he was dissatisfied.
I was mad. More than anything, my ego
was hurt. Because this has been coming
up over and over again for 4 years, i've
begun to feel ugly and my self esteem has
suffered for it. I always thought that
it was the job of each partner in a
relationship to make the other feel that
they are sexy and essentially, the only
one in the world as far as he/she was
concerned. Its been hard living with the
knowledge that my idea is just a fantasy.
I wish it was true that my satisfaction
with myself was all that mattered, but it
really is not. His opinion does matter.
It really is my duty to try to meet his
desires and needs. I just feel like our
needs conflict. I need to feel adored
and cherished, which I can't feel if he is
always pressing me about my fitness and
eathing choices. He does say i'm
beautiful, but the minute he asks "where
are you at with your weight? You're
eathing that? Gross. Etc." he may as
well be saying "you're pretty, but you
could be so much better if you'd just
loose weight."
yes, he does work out and maintains
himself well. Unfortunately, he presses
me to feel or at least behave as
passionately as he does about it all. It
makes me feel a bit like a rebellious teen
who wants to do the opposite of what her
dad is telling her to do if that makes any
sense. Believe me, we have talked about
this over and over and over again. We
just can't seem to agree. While I
believe that is important to maintain what
god gave you to the best of your ability
and strive for health, I don't think that
it is right to focus so much on the
exterior since it inevitably fades over
time. He claims that his fixation is in
hopes that we will avoid health problems
and be able to enjoy life by doing the
same things we do now in our old age.
What...I can't keep up at 140 pounds?
Come on! I just don't understand.
Also, i've actually told my husband that
i've had thoughts of past boyfriends who
made me feel cherished and adored. The
one that I almost married was even able to
tell me when he thought someone was hot,
because he had a way of making me feel
like, although she was pretty, I was even
better. I know that he was wrong for me
in other ways, but that part I really
miss.
I won't have an affair, but not because
i'm above it. I just know that it isn't
what god would have me do.
Again, thanks for your encouragement!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-03-06 09:13am
I'm sorry your in that situation.It doesnt
make him feel bad that hes hurting you?
You take care of yourself,but I think he
is either obsessed over it or he is
worried that when you grow old he will
looke good and you will look flabby.My b/f
tells me I look good but he also says that
when I start putting on the extra
weight,he wil tell me about it.That kinda
made me feel bad cause I asked "well you
wont love me anymore?" he said "i will but
I won't want to have sex with you." so I
don't know exactly where you are coming
from but I have a similam type of view.
