Hi, I Need Some Help In How to Cope With This, Or What to Do Posted: 03-02-06 14:32pm
Hello everyone.
I would like to first give you guys a
recap of the past 2 weeks.
My wife left me last monday night and
moved in with her brother.
We had been married for 5 years and things
were great in terms of our relationship
for the first 4 years.. But our sex life
had allways been bad since we got married.
Last year things were ok, but not
great..
She came home that night with a headache,
so I got her some advil and asked her if
she needed a massage. She turned around
and said, "i dont love you anymore, and I
cant do this, im leaving" I asked her, are
you sure? She said, I dont love you at
all, and its eating me inside out.. I
cant believe you keep on loving me, and
wanting to kiss me, when I never gave you
a b-day present, or a christmas present,
or a valentines days card. I was
shocked, and realized that it was true,
but at the time, she said that she didnt
have any money, so I accepted it at the
time. (she is going to school full
time)
she left that day, and I tried to stop
her. She turned around and tried to give
me the engagement and wedding ring, but I
told her to keep them, and to think about
it before giving them back to me. She
left that day.
I sent her flowers saying that I missed
her. She sent me a text saying "thanks
for the flowers" I sent her a text back,
saying that I loved her. She sent me a
txt back saying that I should respect her
and give her her space.
Time went by, and my heart kept on aching
incontrolably.. All I could think was
that it was all my fault, for not trying
hard enough for us to have a strong sexual
relationship.
During last weekend, I felt soo sad, and
at the same time I felt anger.
I really want her back and really want
things to work. I love her with all my
heart, and feel as though I have failed
her, but she has also failed me.
When I used to talk to her, she used to
listen to me.. But not really pay
attention, it seemed like she was not
intersted in what I had to say.
I am getting together with her this
weekend, to talk about things.. I am so
worried that its my last opportunity to
save our marriege, and that she is going
to reject me.
I am worried that I have lost her.. That
she feels nothing for me. I know that
she knows that I love her with all my
heart.. And she knows that I am someone
extremely valuable.
I want us to get together, but I dont want
things to be like before.
While ive been at work, she has been
slowly coming to our apartment and
removing her things.. My heart feels
like chunks are being taken out of it
everytime I come back from work and see
that there is less and less personal
things of her. =(
i never treated her badly, never yelled at
her, never beat her up, never cheated on
her.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-02-06 15:28pm
When you talk to her this weekend ask her
why she does not love you anymore.If she
says its the sex tell her you will try new
things to improve yourself,your open to
new ideas.Tell her she owes it to you to
know what
happened,where things went wrong.What was
wrong with your sex life?
|
oswaldo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 9
Posted: 03-02-06 15:31pm
melissa_20
wrote:
when you talk to her this
weekend ask her why she does not love you
anymore.If she says its the sex tell her
you will try new things to improve
yourself,your open to new ideas.Tell her
she owes it to you to know what
happened,where things went wrong.What was
wrong with your sex
life?
we basically had no sex life.
I swear.. That if we had a sex life, it
would be the most perfect marriege in the
world.
Its not that im asexual, its just that we
didnt turn each other on. My love for her
is soo deep.. In another level.. I love
her for who she is.. Her soul.
We did turn each other on before we got
married.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-02-06 15:35pm
What happened to make it change? Was it
the same thing all the time or what?
|
oswaldo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 9
Posted: 03-02-06 16:16pm
Yes. I have so many regrets.. I was so
blind. She was sending me signals all the
time, and I think I just didnt want to
face the music. Now I feel that its too
late.
I am so regretful.
I was blaming myself all this time.. But
now that I think about it, its both of our
faults.
I want to go back with her, but not to the
same relationship that we had before.
I love her with all my heart.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Maybe This Will Help? Posted: 03-02-06 16:25pm
Tell her what you just told
me,exactly.Especially that you don't want
your relationship to be the same,you want
to better it.I think you should suggest
re-getting to know one another,be friends
for a while without the pressure on the
two of you.Find out what you both want
from your relationship.Descuss the good
and go over the negative and try to fix it
from there.Mybe if you give her enough
time she will fall back in love with
you.Just remember to give her time and
space.I think would help a great deal.What
do you think?
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 03-02-06 17:30pm
Unfortunately that piece of paper can
change people. Sex is not everything but
to me it does help in a relationship or
marriage. It always takes two. Maybe
their might be someone else or the
chemistry is not right. It definitely
sounds like something is not there and I
am sorry that you are hurting, you will
probably find out something this weekend
and might have wished that you would have
left it alone but I believe that you can
do better and maybe she does just needs
some space, she might be having a rough
time with one of her classes at school.
Maybe something has happened in her past
and she is afraid of being hurt by you,
you may never really know why but you
still have to move on with or without her
and I know that it is not easy, I have
been there.
I wish you the best!
If you want to vent at anytime, you can
come here and if you want to let us know
one way or the other what happened this
weekend you can.
Good luck to you!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-03-06 08:53am
Yes,if you want to vent we will definetly
listen to you! So let us know what
happened! Good luck!
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Lalee
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2006 Posts: 991 Location: South Carolina
Posted: 03-03-06 13:43pm
I hate seeing people hurt like this, even
people I don't know. So i'm really sorry
this is happening.
However, if things don't work out, please
remember: one person alone can't hold
together a relationship. It takes both of
you. And if it doesn't work out, that
doesn't mean in any way that you are to
blame. You try. That's the best you can
do.
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oswaldo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 9
Posted: 03-03-06 14:37pm
lalee
wrote:
i hate seeing people hurt
like this, even people I don't know. So
i'm really sorry this is happening.
However, if things don't work out, please
remember: one person alone can't hold
together a relationship. It takes both
of you. And if it doesn't work out, that
doesn't mean in any way that you are to
blame. You try. That's the best you
can do.
thanks.. I know, it does suck. Sometimes
I think its all a big nightmare that I
cant wake up from.
I guess, the good side is that whatever
happens.. Its not going to be like
before.
We spoke yesterday.. And we both sounded
like friends.. But she said that she
wasnt ready to see me. So I told her it
was fine, and we decided that we were
going to see each other in 2 weeks.
:(
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brako
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006 Posts: 16 Location: ohio
That Sux Posted: 03-03-06 14:52pm
Hang in there man the only thing you can
do is wait and try if she doesnt want it
you cant force it.
It hurts like h e l l .
Just focus on yourself and what you can do
to be happy.
Dont get down on yourself and remember to
always talk with someone.
Things like this really stink when there
is no one to talk to.
Think about al of your good points and
focus on that and if she cant see it then
shes missing out
hope this helps brako
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daisydobydoo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2005 Posts: 8
Give Her Space. Posted: 03-03-06 15:32pm
My husband and I have gone through a
similar ordeal. I woke up one day
feeling I wasn't in love w/ him any more.
It devistated him to hear I didn't love
him like I once did. But through many
talks, counseling, and patience we are
still together. From a woman's side, all
I can say is give her the space she is
asking for. Let her know how you truely
feel, but don't make her come back to you.
As soon as my husband was able to give
me my space I have been able to really
think about our marriage and have decided
to give it one more try. We too, want it
better than what it was. As soon as my
husband starts to sufocate me, I put up my
walls and shut him out. But for the most
part he gives me my space and I have found
that I do love him and that maybe together
we can make it work. At the same time,
work on yourself, be a strong person and
try not to let this tear you apart. I
don't understand why she fell out of love
but it sounds like you have alot offer,
don't give up.
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oswaldo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 9
Re: Give Her Space. Posted: 03-04-06 10:23am
daisydobydoo
wrote:
my husband and I have gone
through a similar ordeal. I woke up one
day feeling I wasn't in love w/ him any
more. It devistated him to hear I
didn't love him like I once did. But
through many talks, counseling, and
patience we are still together. From a
woman's side, all I can say is give her
the space she is asking for. Let her
know how you truely feel, but don't make
her come back to you. As soon as my
husband was able to give me my space I
have been able to really think about our
marriage and have decided to give it one
more try. We too, want it better than
what it was. As soon as my husband
starts to sufocate me, I put up my walls
and shut him out. But for the most part
he gives me my space and I have found that
I do love him and that maybe together we
can make it work. At the same time,
work on yourself, be a strong person and
try not to let this tear you apart. I
don't understand why she fell out of love
but it sounds like you have alot offer,
don't give
up.
daisy, thanks for your kind words. It is
true.. And I know that she knows that I
have a lot to offer. I woke up today so
lonely.. Really missing her, but I didnt
give her a call. Im going to be strong
and not call her for the two weeks. :(
ive had a lot of time to think, and ive
realized the things that I have done. Ive
realized the things that I want to
change.. The things that I need to do to
be the best I can be.
What hurts most is to think of the past,
the good times, the trips.. The things we
had in common.
Thanks for listening to me.. And it
really helps to read what you guys post.
Especially the people who know where im
coming from.
Daisydobydoo, if you have any advice, I am
all ears.
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oswaldo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 9
Posted: 03-06-06 08:21am
Omg, the pain... I just arrived to work,
and my heart hurts really really bad. I
think its bleeding again... :cry:
i had a dream where I was hugging her...
This is horrible
i miss her soo much.. Soo much...
Not sure what to do... :cry: :(
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oswaldo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Mar 2006 Posts: 9
Posted: 03-14-06 09:46am
Its now been 3 weeks since I last saw my
wife.
Sometimes I feel completely in peace..
Sometimes I feel sooo sooo soo sad.. And
sometimes I feel anger.
I do miss her.. But I am worried that
there is no turning back. I really want
us to go to counseling.. But im worried
that she does not want to go. This coming
weekend we are supposed to get together
and talk.. She is supposed to give me her
thoughts.. See how she feels. I am
worried that she is going to tell me that
she thought it over and that she really
doesnt love me. :(
so sad.
Not sure what to do.
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unhelf
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jun 2006 Posts: 5 Location: Nowhere
Falling Out of Love? Posted: 06-29-06 07:35am
Hey there, am sorry what about whatever is
happening in your life. There is
something which I have noticed in
relationships: sex is integral in a
couple. When sex is no more present,
things just die..And the love decomposes.
Then maybe she started drifting away from
you. You should try to make an effort int
alking to her about the whole lot, if you
dont want your marriage life to be burnt
to ashes. I see that nowadays, it's very
frequent, like in the link- www.Iwishisaidno.Com/forum
/2708-gf-doesnt-like-him-anymore.Html
- which is about a gf dumping her bf for
no apparent reason =maybe falling out of
love. Well, be courageous, and talk to
her. Things will be okay. Otherwise,
move on with life.
