My Boyfriends Is Mean. . . Posted: 03-03-06 12:27pm
Hello all, I am having problems with my
b/f.You see he is very assertive and he
always says what he feels,whether he
thinks its appropriate or not. Like for
one,my older sister is overweight and we
were talking about her and he said "she
could stand to lose a little weight".He
calls people names sometimes and I know he
means no harm but it aggravates me.I asked
him not to call my family names and he
said sorry and he wont do it again.But how
do I get him to keep his opinion to
hisself a little more instead of hurting
peoples feelings including mine?
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-03-06 14:48pm
Someone please help me out or something.I
really need somone elses opinion!
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MissShortie
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 May 2005 Posts: 146
Posted: 03-03-06 15:22pm
Hmm, that can be tough, just because some
people just have personalities like that,
they are very blunt, and it can be hard to
change something like that, although the
only thing you can really do is talk to
him and tell him how serious you feel
about it, and that it hurts you when he
says things like this, esspecially about
your loved ones, and if it is that bad
then you can tell him if he continues, you
can't be with him, because you can't
handle all the negative comments.
Best of luck to you and your bf : )
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-03-06 15:30pm
Thanks missshortie! I think thats what I
needed to hear but does anyone else have
any advise?
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Morning_Glory
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 207 Location: NE Ohio
Posted: 03-13-06 23:34pm
If your bf talks about people and is mean,
it is only a matter of time before he
starts talking to and about you the same
way.
Does he drink? Use drugs? How long have
you been with him?
I need more info if you need me to say
anything else on the subject.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-14-06 09:13am
He wouldn't say anything to be realy mean
to me.He does not have a drinking problem
and does not do drugs,butonce he did get
drunk and we got into a fight.The fight
this post was based on was not directed at
me,i just took it personally.I know he
would never say that to me.Thank you for
trying to help. We had a talk last
weekend and we are fine.Thanks for the
replies!!!
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Melissa569
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2006 Posts: 27 Location: San Fransisco Bay Area
Posted: 06-03-06 00:08am
Hey,
you just need to start repeating things to
him like "if you can't say something nice,
don't say anything at all." or "just
because you have no tact, doesn't everyone
else is the same way." or "you know,
there's a really big difference between
being assertive and being down right
rude!" see, not enough people are telling
this guy to his face that he is in fact
being rude. So he assumes it only
bothers you. Or maybe only one or two
others. Nobody ever speaks up for
themselves anymore, you know? They sulk
and pout behind rude people's backs.
Maybe you can try to get other people to
start saying it to him on a regular basis.
If he hears it enough times, it may sink
in.
Or try asking a question that makes him
feel like an ass. Like, if he makes a
rude comment, say, "you know, that is
really hurtful and offensive. What made
you think it was necessary to say that?"
or if he ever says anything to your sister
about her wieght while she is there, tell
him later on, "look, she knows she's not a
tooth pic. Do you think she can possibly
live inside her body and look in the
morror every day, without knowing that?
She knows, ok? You don't need to tell
her. Even if she didn't know, and you
just broke the news to her, there's
nothing she can do about it right now.
Loosing weight takes a long, long time!
So lay off her!!!"
you just gotta keep reminding him that
it's not propper or polite to say the
things that he does, the way he is saying
them. Obvously no one taught him that
when he was a child, so you have to start
from square one.
