Newly Wed - No Sex... Help! Posted: 03-04-06 14:29pm
I am 25, have been married for 9 months,
and we have no sex life. Let me
explain...
My wife and were virgins when we got
married so we have nothing to compair to.
I was mostly worried that the wedding
night would be over too quick - it was the
opposite.
Since that one night we tried sex many
times in the first few months, but never
got it to work. I was almost wanting to
give up - t was so frustrating. I should
also mention that if we do anything else
other than sex (including if I do it
myself ) I don't have such a problem...
Most times it works out alright.
The way it always works out is I get
excited, things are working, we have some
foreplay, things are still working, but as
soon as we engage in intercourse things
die down and there is not enough to finish
it up. Since this has happened so many
times and turns a romantic evening into
frustration we haven't tried anything in
almot 5 months - which is even more
frustrating.
I suspect that I am suffereing from some
sort of erectile dysfunction, but it is
just more frustrating having it work other
ways, but intercourse just kills it.
I will also mention that I am a person
that carries a lot of anxiety, and
suffered from bells palsey 4 years ago. I
don't know how much this would effect
things seeing that it is only intercourse
that doesn't work. It feels a lot like
performance anxiety - all I want is to
make love to her, we have only completed
it once, and we waited to have sex. I
never imagined it would be this
frustrating. Before we were married I
thought I had a uncontrolable sex drive -
consumed my mind all the time and erect
all the time. Now I am so frustrated by
it I am more erect more often when she is
not around.
Does anyone have any advise. It is to the
point where trying sex is even awkward, it
is not a part of our life. It has made me
depressed and angry. I try hard to put on
a smile every day - I don't want to take
it out on her, but despite my smile, I am
always crying inside...
Your advise is appreciated,
|
hemostatic_electricity
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 40
Posted: 03-05-06 15:20pm
It is probably a mental problem. My
advice, as odd as it may sound, is have a
few drinks and then try. I'll bet it'll
work.
|
w0rldd0minat0r
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 238
Posted: 03-05-06 15:38pm
Good advice! Maybe using different
positions so its not all the same stuff?
Or watching the footie whilst doing it?
Might keep u interested?
|
caes
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jan 2006 Posts: 8
Posted: 03-05-06 16:30pm
I have been through this problem. I wud
always lose my erection when we went to
have sex. The way I got over it was- 1
night we lit candles everywhere in the
bedroom, with nice chilled out music and
we got so calm and relaxed with each
other.
You have to tell yourself your not going
to have sex... Just enjoy each others
company, do some massages with all the
proper oils etc its great. After that
mayb the next evening you do the same
things... It will bring back all the
comfortableness and ur less likely to be
anxious= more likely to perform.
I was anxious, u need to talk to your
partner about this anxiety... If you dont
tell your partner u wont get over this...
Bcos half of this anxiety is fear of
embarrassing yourself. If your girl knows
what the score is you will less likely be
embarrassed and scared.
Just keep trying and try to put on a
positive face and itll happen.
Try and find what works for you... I
found myself less anxious when I was
behind her and she wasnt looking at me...
Once its gone great the first time...
Itll be easy from then on you wont
understand what all the fuss was about.
Good luck.. If u want to speak to me more
just send me a private msg
|
hemostatic_electricity
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 40
Posted: 03-06-06 08:57am
I second what caes said. It always helps
to talk to your partner about your
problem. If she's understanding, it can
boost your confidence and get you back in
the game.
