Someone Have Any Adivse ? Posted: 01-01-04 01:13am
Im 19 years old. To this day I have only
kissed one guy, my only boyfriend. He was
my best friend all threw high school, and
one day it just happened and we were
dating. We dated for a year, then he all
of a sudden decied he didnt love me. We
had no problems at all we were gonna go to
the same college, and move in together.
He basically ripped the floor from out
under me. He gave me no reason what so
ever as to why he felt this way. But he
wanted to continue to be friends with,
after what I had been threw with my
relationship with my father I knew there
was no way I could possibly be friends
with him at all .So like a fool I did. I
ignored my feelings to make happy , like I
always did. Everytime I told him I missed
him all he would say was, dont miss me to
much. Well after a while he decided he
wanted to try wiht me again. When I
called him that week his new girlfriend
awnsered the phone. I come to find out
she worked with him for months now.So
after she said so very bad words to me , I
asked him if he was gonna let her treat
your friend like that and all he said was
that I wasnt his friend and never was.
Well after a while , we began to talk
again. He never told his girlfriend he
was talking to me , which I didnt know.
Well aroudn april we started to hang out
more, and he asked me to go on vacation
with him . I planned my whole vacation
around him , and he never showed up to get
me. He never told anyone he was going
with me , and I come to find out he failed
to tell me he got his girlfriend pregnant.
Its like everytime I get over him, he
comes back to mess with me some more and
like a fool, I let him. Its been two
years since ive kissed anyone, at all!!
He has me scared someone else is gonna do
the same thing. I have issues that go
back to my father about trust, and how I
dont trust people, expecially males. How
do I get over this! I try to forget him
but his memory just wont go away! Its
like every second he pops into my head!
Its crazy. No one has to awnser it I just
had to get it all out to anyone who would
listen. I loved him alot, and everyone
doesnt seem to know that he was great
during are relationship. The best I ve
ever heard of , and ill never forget that
but my family keeps telling me to get him
out of head, but I cant, is that a bad
thing ? Through all the pain he has
caused, he has helped me so much. Is it a
bad thing to still think of him ?
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mld1218
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Dec 2003 Posts: 6 Location: Ontario
You Deserve Better Posted: 01-01-04 16:57pm
I understand what your going through. He
was a great guy when you were together and
when your not his an @#$hole. Well the
only thing I can tell you is every time he
comes back to you remember the @#$hole,
try not to think about the guy that was
nice and sweet when you were together
because he showed his true colours. If
he can say really hurtful things to you
after everything then he didn't love you
in the first place. I think he likes the
control he has over you knowing that you
will keep going back to him because you
love the man you were with. Just keep
thinking he isn't that same man any
longer. He is this new guy who can tell
you that you were never friends in the
first place, that he could say things just
to be hurtful. Your a good person and
deserve someone who will love and respect
you. Just rememeber if he cared he
wouldn't have hurt you on purpose. You
deserve better everybody does. Stay
strong. Take the control back, don't let
him do this to you, you will find someone
again someone who deserves you. Good
luck. Michelle
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Forum Girl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2003 Posts: 207 Location: Orlando, Florida
Posted: 01-01-04 17:43pm
I am kind of in the same situation. I
got dumped after a year and a half, six
months ago. For the first couple of
months my ex would still come home (we
lived together and then he moved in with
his new girlfriend but didn't completely
move out of our place) and would tell me
how much he missed me and he still wanted
to see me and sleep with me and go out
with me but then as soon as he would say
that he would turn around and leave to go
back to his new girlfriend waiting in the
car.
I hung to hope for a long time thinking he
would come back, that he'd wake up one
morning and realize how much he loved me,
how much he had hurt me and he would want
to come back and make everything right
again. But he never did. Its been over
six months now and I still love him very
much. But I know I could never be with
him again. He broke my heart and didn't
care, he lead me on without worrying about
my feelings, he allowed his new girlfriend
to harass me. I finally came to the
realization that you don't do things like
that to people you love - and despite what
he said, his actions showed he no longer
loved me.
Like I said before, I still love him very
much. I had a lot of dreams with him, we
had planned our future together and it was
very very hard to give that up. I still
fight the urge to call him, to go see him
at work, or to even take his calls when he
decides to call me. As soon as I do talk
to him or see him, I feel his poison
seeping back into me and I feel the
heartbreak all over again. I feel all
the pain he caused me all over again. I
am to the point now that I just have to
force myself not have contact with him
anymore. I'm lonely without him but i'm
happy now. Talking with him or seeing
him rips all that happiness away from me
and I just can't do it anymore.
You have to get to that point too. Your
ex-boyfriend is a loser, just like mine.
They both threw away two really great
people. Its their loss, not ours. I
completely and utterly adored my
ex-boyfriend, there was nothing I wouldn't
have done for him. And he threw me away.
Just like your ex-boyfriend did to you.
You have every right to be hurt and
saddened. You will have to try to remain
strong and say no if he calls or wants to
see you. If you don't, you'll just allow
him to hurt you again. You are destined
to meet someone wonderful who will treat
you wonderfully and will appreciate your
love. I am hoping that i've met that guy
for me, but I am taking things very very
slowly so that i'll be sure before I get
hurt again.
You aren't alone. Everyone goes through
this at one time in their lives or
another. Just take the lessons you have
learned and grow from the experience of
that failed relationship. This failed
relationship will make your next one so
much more sweeter because you won't allow
your new boyfriend to make the same
mistakes your last one did. You'll
choose better. Thats the one silver
lining in all this. I hope you start
feeling better soon. I know exactly what
you are going through. Good luck.
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katedog84
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Dec 2003 Posts: 8 Location: iowa
Posted: 01-02-04 01:33am
Thank you for your replys. Its so much to
hear from someone not related to me. Ive
been trying a little bit each day to
forget him and move on, its just hard.
Ive been holding on to long to let go. Im
not shure if I have the strenght to do it.
Im not even shure if I have the energy
and trust to try again with someone. I
keep driving them away. But at least im
still trying, right ? Its hard though to
keep having to tell everyone else that im
over him and I hate him when really im
not so shure I am. ill just have to
keep putting one foot in front of the
other and soon I ll get where I want to
be. Thank you again for all the help
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Forum Girl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2003 Posts: 207 Location: Orlando, Florida
Posted: 01-02-04 18:26pm
It totally sucks what you are going
through. Its so hard to fight all the
urges to see him again and talk to him
again and everything. Its hard to wake
up in the morning after having a wonderful
dream about him and realize he isn't
there. What you have to come to realize
is that he doesn't care about you anymore.
He doesn't care that you are hurt. He
doesn't care that you are dying for an
apology. He doesn't care that you get
butterflies in your stomach when you see a
car like his or hear a song he liked on
the radio. He doesn't care that you are
sad and hurt and lonely and he doesn't
love you anymore. Its so hard to finally
accept all that. I still have problems
every now and then accepting it. The
majority of the time i'm fine now, i've
moved on, i'm happy, i've even entertained
the possibility of one day falling in love
with someone else. But every now and
then, maybe every few week or so,
something will just snap inside me and
i'll get this horrible sad, lonesome
feeling and i'm miss something small and
wonderful about him and it hurts really
bad. But, when I do, I call up my best
friend, she listens to me and then reminds
me what an ass he was to me and I get over
it. Time will heal everything - it just
takes so long some times for all the
wounds to get better.
ill just have to
keep putting one foot in front of the
other and soon I ll get where I want to
be. Thank you again for all the help 
