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candyfloss 1971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 11
Location: uk
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Rape/abortion
Posted: 01-01-04 18:36pm
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I was drugged and raped in nov, I have
found out I am pregnant and dont no what
to do I have read the other messages from
phillygurl . I do so feel for her . But
what to do? Do I have abortion do I keep
it ? Will I love the baby ? Will I hate
it? I have so many mixed emotions and so
angry , I was so against abortion but now
I just dont know no more . I know its not
the babys fault but could I live the rest
of my life knowing and looking into the
babys eyes knowing how it came to be .
Thanks for listening . Candy 
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sparklypixie12
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2003
Posts: 3099
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Posted: 01-01-04 19:01pm
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Candy-im sorry 2 hear about what happened
2 u-it must have been awful.With a
situation like this,it must be impossible
2 know what 2 do but maybe u shud consider
the following:
what do ur instincts tell u?
Do you want a child & will u want this
baby?
Do u think u could give birth 2 the child
knowing the circumstances?
Do u think u could go through with an
abortion?
Could u give ur baby up 4 adoption?
Would the baby remind u of the rape?
Are u in a relationship & how would
this affect it?
There's not much I can say because ive
never been in this situation but I think u
need 2 consider this very carefully
because no matter what u do,this will
affect u life in a big way.
Best wishes & god bless,
pm me if u want 2 talk,
liz from birmingham x
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Neva Whittaker
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 169
Location: FLORIDA
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Posted: 01-01-04 19:13pm
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I agree with sparkle an dlife is a
blessing but maybe you should follow your
heart I am so sorry about what happened to
you and hope that the person gets exactly
what he deserves may god be with you
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candyfloss 1971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 11
Location: uk
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Rape/abortion
Posted: 01-03-04 11:58am
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Thankyou you for your kind words and
advice , this is one of my hardest
decision I have ever made . I keep
question everthing and babys are the most
wonderful gift anyone one could have but
as long as it is in the right circumance I
just dont know no more . Thanks again
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Neva Whittaker
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 169
Location: FLORIDA
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Posted: 01-03-04 12:09pm
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Sweetheart the circumstances are messed up
but remember god doesn't give you more
than you can bear it is all according to
what you want to deal but in my honest
opinion dont have an abortion go through
the pregnancy and if you dont want it at
the end give it up for adopotion there are
a lot of people who want children an cant
have any
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ne-ne
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2003
Posts: 32
Location: PA
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Help
Posted: 01-03-04 12:24pm
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Hey I feel for you. I know that looking
at a child that was made by rape is going
to always hold anger and rage until to
learn to forgive. I promise you if you
are really which is an another question
you have to ask yourself for this child
and you learn to forgive life will be
easier. That is something I can promise
for you. I know what it is like to live
life with knowing what someone took a
great deal of respect from you and took
advance of you. Every time you look aty
your baby think about what it is a
prilivage to give birth and see your
babies face. Knowing that god has given
something to you and can hold years of joy
and happiness. If you worried about
abortion, I sincerely write to you as a
mother of a little girl, please don't I
know that life is unjust but look at it
this way, you have been given child that
has a purpose like being the next michael
jordan, next noble prize winner, next new
singer....... The list goes on.....
Everyone has gifts you just got to find
them. I hope this helps
love
ne-ne
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candyfloss 1971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 11
Location: uk
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Posted: 01-03-04 19:46pm
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Thankyou it has helped alot , I have never
thought that I would ever be in this kind
of situation I do believe that it is a
gift from god , but what a way of giving
me this gift . I already have 2 children
and it never even crossed my mind to get
rid . I was 18 and unmarried but no one
was going to tell me want to do with the
baby I was keeping her and that was it .
I think this is why its so hard I look at
the them and I am so blessed. I think I
know in my heart whats right as I am
questioning myself . The next big thing
is telling my husband , I am having a baby
. ( did not relize I wrote that till
after , if that isnot telling the right
thing is to keep the baby ) how do I tell
him , " by the way dear I am pregnant "
and its not yours , why is life so hard .
Thanks again everyone for all the support
.
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Neva Whittaker
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 169
Location: FLORIDA
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Posted: 01-03-04 20:28pm
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I am pretty sure your husband could
understand that you were raped and it was
not your fault candy life is hard with all
the other sins we commit dont throw away
one of his blessings because you are so
special to be carrying one of his gifts
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ne-ne
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2003
Posts: 32
Location: PA
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Tellling Your Husband
Posted: 01-03-04 20:40pm
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I personally can't help you on this one
but I would tell him what happened. I
want to tell you that life is unfair
because life we have a free will to follow
lies like this person in whom raped you.
Didn't you tell your husband that this
happened to you?
Love
ne-ne
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candyfloss 1971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 11
Location: uk
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Husband
Posted: 01-05-04 14:20pm
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No I have not told my husband , where do I
start , I feel ashamed and humiliated and
so dirty . Yeah he may understand but
being pregnant by someone else do you
think he is willing to bring someone else
child up ? No! And by raped . I have so
many emotion going around my head . I
honestly dont no where to start . I cant
go threw with the abortion so I do need to
say something to him , but will he
understand that I want to keep the baby ?
Thanks for listening.
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Neva Whittaker
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 169
Location: FLORIDA
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Posted: 01-05-04 21:35pm
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I mean it was not your fault dont beat
yourself up the kid can be given up for
adoption if u both agree and I think there
r places that help to take care of babies
from rape victims even if they r married
I just know u will make the right decision
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candyfloss 1971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 11
Location: uk
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Posted: 01-07-04 16:12pm
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Told my husband about the baby , and I
want to keep it . He said I have to
choose him or the baby ... What a
choice! Why cant things be easy .
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Untimely Blessings
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2004
Posts: 383
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Posted: 01-07-04 17:06pm
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No offense he sounds like a jerk, its
between keeping a selfish man and
murdering your baby or getting rid of the
jerk and raising your child right.. I
know this is blunt, but leave the guy.
This pregnancy wasn't your fault, but it
wasn't the baby's either, so neither of
you should be punshied!
Kelly
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Neva Whittaker
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 169
Location: FLORIDA
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Posted: 01-07-04 20:56pm
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How dare he even offer a choice like that
why is it that he cant say baby that is
terrible what happened to u lets see what
can happen about this baby we can both do
this I wont say that he is being a jerk it
is just that he is probably having a rough
time understanding and the only way to
keep him from losing his cool is to be
insensitive which is silly be he should be
more understanding then that
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phil dennison
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003
Posts: 71
Location: illinois
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Baby Number 1
Posted: 01-07-04 22:29pm
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This is so easy, have the baby.
The baby,you will forget about being
raped.
Husband, now its his problem.
No baby, you will live the life of being
raped.
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candyfloss 1971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 11
Location: uk
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Posted: 01-08-04 16:27pm
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He says he loves me and the best thing
that has ever happend to him , but he
could not bring a rapist baby up cause
everytime he looked at the baby it will
remind him of the rape and the pain I went
threw . . Which is understandable . I
dont want to be on my own , marriage is
for life . Why cant he understand . He
said its for the best that he leaves . He
needs time to sort his head out . But is
still very sure that he cant bring this
baby up . I tried to tell him it is not
the babys fault, so why should it suffer
too it did not ask to be here . I just
dont know anymore . Thanks guys .
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jplundeen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jan 2004
Posts: 25
Location: usa
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Candy
Posted: 01-13-04 14:05pm
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I feel for your heart ache~was the rape
reported? Do you know who?
If not reported why?
I think your husband needs to remember it
was you it happened to and you that bears
the hurt~his pain should be your support
sometimes we forget that and think about
ourselves more than we should!!!!!
And in no way am I minalizing his feelings
but as someone who was threw this at an
early age support by someone you love and
loves you can sometimes make all the
difference in the world.The love and
support will help both of you find the
right path.Stay strong and have faith
especially in your baby who loves you
soooooo much.
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003
Posts: 1420
Location: Sydney
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Posted: 01-13-04 14:43pm
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Didn't you say that you & your husband
have 2 other children?? If so then it's
not just a matter of you, this baby &
him they have to be considered too, he is
their father & splitting up (whether
we think he's right or not) affects them
too.
Give him some time to get his head around
all this, it's fine for people to
criticize him, but yet the same people
understood when it was you who was trying
to come to terms with being pregnant &
whether or not to have an abortion so why
shouldn't people understand that he needs
time to. He's probably feeling so many
things, guilt that this happened to his
wife & he couldn't protect you (an
unrealistic but human reaction) fear that
he would (& both you & he might
very well) always blame the baby &
think of it as the child of a "rapist"
(again unfair but human) etc. Also
perhaps the cost of having another child
& how you can cope may be an issue.
I also think you need to think long &
hard about what is best for not only this
child but your others & you & your
husband. Perhaps adoption would be best
for all. Please don't rush in, you have
time to consider this from all angles
& you & your husband might well be
able to come through this ordeal together
& stronger if you work together &
be patient & understanding with each
other & consider what is best. Which
may be the best of several unpleasant
options, rather than what you on your own
with no husband or other children to
consider would see as "ideal".
Good luck
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KariM18
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jan 2004
Posts: 1436
Location: Grand Blanc, Michigan
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Posted: 01-14-04 11:48am
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Well u have to really think.. Ugh this
must be so hard!@@! .. Ok but anyhow.
.Will u hold resentment toward the baby??
? Will u love it?? I mean either way its
not the babys fault and trust me the baby
will love u so much! But how old r u???
I am not against abortions in those who
are raped because it wasnt your choice..
But if not if u dont think u could live
with the baby then maybe adoption? Really
it will probably be helpful to talk to ur
husband about it. Im so sorry for u goodluck x 10!
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candyfloss 1971
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003
Posts: 11
Location: uk
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Posted: 01-19-04 15:07pm
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Thanks guys for all your help and support
, I have lots of mixed emotions going
round and round . My husband is staying
at friends at the moment to think and try
and get his head clear it has hit him hard
and he is finding it very hard to except
what has happend . Dealing with the rape
is hard to deal with , and me saying I
want to keep the baby , he cant understand
that . That I would even want to keep the
baby after whats happened . I know in my
heart it is the right thing to do and I
will love the baby like I have my 2 other
children . I can understand its hard for
him its very hard for me too I need him
with me to support me and I can support
him too but he will not talk about it .
So it looks like I am on my own from now
on .
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