Teen Pregnancy Forum - New- Not Teen But Close, With Questions.


New- Not Teen But Close, With Questions.

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Hip Pea

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Joined: 12 Mar 2006
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New- Not Teen But Close, With Questions. Posted: 03-12-06 06:49am


Hello, everyone. I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm 20. But I figured i'm still young enough that I might find more people here who can relate than on other pregnancy forms. I've been wanting a baby for about a year and a half now. I push it out of my mind as much as I can but the desire is always there. I'm engaged - and have been with my fiance for a little over two years. We get along great- we're very laid back, have lived together for around a year and eight months, and have never fought. Great communication! :d anyway, we've both had to grow up "fast" and are emotionally advanced beyond our ages. I graduated at 16 and went off to college, both my parents have passed away, and i've lived by myself since my mom passed when I was 17. I left college after my mom died and have gone back twice since then. I was so far ahead in high school and was pushed so much to succeed that I don't usually stay longer than a semester or two before I take time off again. My fiance and I own our own house and have a savings account of $25,000 in "whatever" funds, plus some money left from my mom when she died. We're also working on starting our own business. We're doing quite well. A wedding is, of course, in the future - but the fact that our families live 500 miles apart gets in the way of planning. And being a people-pleaser, i'm struggling to involve everyone and not just go off and elope. In our minds, we're married - we just don't have a piece of paper proving it. It's hard for me, because I know that this repeated trying to go to college just isn't going to work right now. I feel like i'm wasting time and money, and I should finally look towards doing what I want with my life rather than what the 20934710865982698 other people I know think I should be doing. But of course, were I to mention "i would love a baby" to any of my friends, i'd get a long-drawn out lecture. So I don't even have anyone to talk to about this short of the fiance. I haven't brought the subject up in about six months with him, either. I suppose I figure if I don't talk about it, i'll forget the desire and it'll go away. Last time we talked about it we hadn't bought our house yet and he wanted to wait until we had a house and new jobs and see how I was feeling about going back to school. Plus i'm sure he's feeling the same pressures as I am as far as friends and family members are concerned . . . I know they mean well, but they just can't bring themselves to understand that after all we've been through, we would really like to choose the path our lives take from here on out. Thoughts? Concerns? Suggestions? And if we were to decide to give it a try, should we give our families the heads-up, or just keep them in the dark until we're ready to let them know we're expecting?

HcoBrunette06

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Posted: 03-12-06 12:44pm


You're twenty, pretty much an adult, i'd keep my family in the dark if I were you because it's not really any of their business since you're going to be taking care of the baby. Good luck :) :d

yellow ribbon

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Posted: 03-12-06 12:52pm


Itd prob go over better as suprise were expecting rather than hey I think we are going to try. You sound like youve got everything uder control sure wish I had 25 grand tucked away... Lol personally I would want to have my wedding first just because I was 7 months pregnant when I got married and just went to the court house cuz I felt like a fat cow and didnt want pictures or anything. Normally people planning wedding just send out the invites and say come or dont ya know? Its your wedding have it when and where you want and if they dont like that o well its all about you. Thats what a wedding is your day to be a beautiful pampered princess (and get trashed as the evening goes on!)

Hip Pea

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Posted: 03-12-06 19:43pm


Oh, I know. I wish I could do the wedding, for sure. But my family is so wrapped up in the over-dramatic life of a cousin of mine who had a baby and is still on drugs and can't keep a job, etc - that nobody's really interested in helping me with planning. It's somewhat sad - that I want so badly to include my side of the family and they're just obsessed over that cousin and her issues that nobody is even interested in discussing my wedding. Yeah, i'm jealous. ;) they don't seem to appreciate the fact that i'm trying to get some feedback so they can actually be there. My brother's great, but being a man, and a straight man - he's not the best one to go to for questions about dresses, cakes, and other girly stuff. Sometimes jordan and I just think we should elope, and if we get crap for it from my family, we'll just say, "well, nobody was interested in helping or being there, so we did it our way." :p i think you guys are right - if we decide to start trying, they'll just find out when it happens. If they can't even be interested in our wedding, then it's none of their business what we do in the rest of our lives as well. Hope you all don't mind, but I think i'll hang around here from now on to see what I can learn from everyone. :)

yellow ribbon

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Posted: 03-12-06 20:02pm


Hey I dunno where you live but I saw a hotel on a travel channel in hawaii that has its own church right on the beach it was gorgeous! If u do elope do it somewhere awesome!

diamondsz

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Posted: 03-12-06 21:35pm


Ok keep your family in the dark till your actually preggo as for getting married it a big responsibility(im 22 & married it going on 3 yrs on may10) your realtionship changes to a big level and you have to remeber there no going back its kinda a deal signed in blood. As for kid who cares what other people say it is what you want I have two under the age of two and I love them to death. I work in it/tech and my hubby works in the military as a medic(paramedic/nursing) both of us bring in average income and make enough to survive comfortable with luxuries. I dont see you guys having any problems except owning your own buisnees which demands so much of your time(my father owns his buisness) its insane kids need you 24/7 and sometimes you have to sacrfice your job for your children which when owning your own buisness you dont get that luxury (i ran my father buisness at 14) I know the ropes of being needed/demanded all the time. All I can say is set your prioties make sure both parties understand how much a child demands of you(taking them to dr, food, patience etc) make sure you financially set 25 000$ isnt alot considering how much money they actually eat formula,diapers,life insurance resp etc (you seem like the type of person who would want the best. Just be ready and the rest is a learning game where everday you learn something new and are scared $hitless the rest of the time. Enjoy your relationship while you still have time borrow someones kid to get an idea of what they demand/ a feel for motherhood!! Best of luck~~~baby dust your way~~ jess

Hip Pea

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Posted: 03-13-06 00:35am


Thanks, guys. One of the many reasons we want to own our own store (a music shop, to be specific - something much needed in this area yet there isn't one) is an inspiration from some friends of ours who own their own jewelry and clothing store . . . Their kids were always in there and had their own little play area and made jewelry and beads to sell . . . It was adorable. The couple that owned it were fantastic and the kids were some of the most outgoing friendly little children i've ever met because they grew up in the shop. Even the littlest one (3 years) could tell you where to find what you wanted. It was a true family business. Sometimes we'd just go in there to see the people and let our dog play with their dog. I talked to them about it and they said though it's hard to do kids and your own business, it's even harder to have a "regular" job and have the kids in daycare. They're a really close-knit family because of it. And i've had plenty of time with "someone else's kid" ;) the cousin I mentioned also never wants to take care of her baby. We came to visit three days after the baby was born and ended up babysitting all weekend while "mom" was nowhere to be found. Every time we visit we end up spending our nights babysitting. I enjoy it . . . The only part I hate is that "mommy" spends about half her time out partying rather than spending time with her baby. I couldn't imagine having a newborn and not wanting to be there those first few weeks . . . But she doesn't want that. I've probably fed/changed the baby more than she has. And the baby is already bonding to my fiance as a male role model. He was the first one she'd open her eyes for because she never heard a man's voice before his. Of course, if the family does criticize after they find out - I can always point them back to her and say . . . "i watched her baby more than she has. She goes out partying. I stay in and watch movies. She still does coke. I got my partying out of my system when I started college. You pay her bills. I pay my own." and I also (this isn't a huge reason, of course) feel that my own child/family could be a good influence on her baby as they grow up. I fear that her baby is going to grow up fast and hard and end up making the same bitter mistakes her mom did. We try to spend as much time with her as we can already, just to try our best to be the "cool responsible aunt and uncle" that she can look to as good role models. It's heartbreaking though. And it's hard on me - I want a child desperately and I have been holding off until we're stable - and then she goes out and has this baby and even spent one night crying to me about how she couldn't "handle" it (when her girlfriend - no she's not a lesbian, she's just needy enough to date anyone - broke up with her.) and she even said she was going to give the baby up for adoption and on and on . . . And I almost cried in anger and shock when she said it. She got pregnant for attention, and now that all the attention is on the baby, she's even more dramatic because she's jealous of her own child. Sorry for the long tirade. That's probably the hardest part of my situation right now - watching her and the way she lives. Every time we visit I end up going home in tears and jordan is depressed over that whole situation. We try to be so responsible, yet nobody ever congratulates us on working hard and never having any drama in our lives, or on doing the best we can with the cards we're dealt . . . And I guess the true reason that I can't just elope is because I know my mom and dad would have wanted me to have my brother give me away and I want to respect that. -sigh- I fear i'll feel guilty for a long time if I don't go through with that . . .

abc123babyunme

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Posted: 03-14-06 04:52am


Maybe you should adopt your cousins baby...Or foster care for awhile until her mom gets her life under control! I know it isn't the same as having your own and you'll probably always have the desire to feel a baby..Your baby kick and move in your womb. But there are millions and millions of baby's out there living in even worse conditions than that one and unfortunetely most women let their intense desire to have their own baby that looks like them etc. Etc. That they tend to say no to adoption. Plus your cousins baby might be in danger....I mean what if she gets really high or drunk or something and hurts the baby on accident or something....Or forgets to feed him/her!! Plus I think you would gain respect from family and friends for stepping in like that...Even if it would only be temporary! Then you and your husband would get a feel for what late night feedings are like and having a baby around 24/7 and then later you can have your own baby (after you get married). If you don't want to adopt or foster care that baby like I said, there are millions of others in need of all of our help as we speak! I mean if you just look up teen pregnancy on the web...There are thousands on there that are looking at adoption... I hope that you at least give it some thought. I'm sorry but all I can here is little babies all around the world crying...Crying for love, crying for attention, crying for food and water! And then there are ppl with money that spend thousands on invetro fertilization stuff and all of that! (no offense to those who have...Its your right)....Just some thoughts. <3 I hope everything works out! Let us know what you decide!

Hip Pea

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Posted: 03-14-06 22:23pm


Abc123, I really do wish I could do that. But the process for even an in-family foster is intense. And my age would get me turned down immediately. :( thus far all I can do is offer to babysit anytime i'm back home. And naturally she doesn't turn me down. She likes to go out and get drunk and do coke too much to stay home with her little one. Grr!

abc123babyunme

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Posted: 03-15-06 11:53am


Yeah, I hear you. It probably isn't likely but I don't know...Since she's family they might make an exception! I heard this story about an 18 yr. Old that adopted a bunch of step brothers and sisters from a simular situation...You never know! Plus 20 is old enough...I mean u can vote!!! = ) if you really think that this baby is in danger you have to do something! = ( anyway, i'm sure you've already thought of all of this and it's really none of my business = p I just have a big heart for babies like that. <3 I hope everything turns out for the best! Let us all know...