I have been dating my boyfriend for three
years, and although we've had some rough
times in the middle, we are learning more
about each other and it always gets
better. We are soooooo different, so
sometimes it is hard to communicate
without misunderstandings. He has a
problem with trusting me in many ways,
because I am very outgoing, and he is not,
so sometimes he thinks I will do anything
for a little fun. Then, when he
approaches me about it, and it isn't true,
I feel the need to convince him it isnt
true, because I want him to know I am
trustworthy, but the fact that I try so
hard to convince him makes him angry and
disbelieve me even more. It is in my
personality to set things straight with
people and be very straight-forward, so
how do I convince him that I dont do
things behind his back that he thinks I do
without making him so mad? I have had
this one and only problem with him ever
since we've been dating and I need some
help. I am going to be moving to go to
school and I love him so much, so I want
him to trust me. How can I gain his
trust?
|
penelope67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 114 Location: NH
Posted: 03-14-06 15:41pm
Maybe this is a hard question, but I would
really like any kind of insight or ideas
to make things a little easier. Or maybe
its just a retarded question. If it is,
you can tell me. :)
|
Morning_Glory
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 207 Location: NE Ohio
Posted: 03-14-06 23:37pm
Penolpe, this is about his insecurities
not about your outgoing behaviors. He
needs to trust you and believe in you
otherwise the relationship is doomed.
You can reassure him that you love him and
are not interested in anyone else but if
he can't accept what you are telling him,
I don't know how he's going to handle
things when you go away to school. You
can tell him you'll stay in touch with
him, you'll call, you'll be back on long
weekends, holidays, breaks, etc. You'll
write, send cards, etc. And he can do
the same.
If no matter what you do to reassure him
doesn't help, then maybe its time to call
it quits and move on. You can't change
him, you can only change how you react to
the behavior.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-15-06 12:43pm
I have the same type of personality as
you,i try to convince people I am not
doing wrong or whatever and they always
think I am lying bc of it.It never
works.Its a personality thing,i always try
to prove myself but I stopped bc I got
tired of it.Just tell him your sorry he
can't trust you but you never gave him any
reason to think anything.What ever
happened to him in the past does not
include you so tell him to stop puttin git
on you.
|
penelope67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 114 Location: NH
Posted: 03-16-06 12:55pm
Yeah, he has been burned in the past by
many different people and i'm not just
talking relationship wise, because the
fight that prompted me to write that
question, was because he thought I was
sneaking pills behind his back or
something. He is very skeptical and
doesnt trust anyone. He gets mad when I
do trust people because he thinks I will
get hurt by people. I dont know. The way
he explains it is that he trusts me, but
has no security with me. I love him so
much because we are so different so we
learn so much from each other. But the
fact that we are so different means we
have no idea why the other person does
certain things. He is definitely not a
bad person, but he just doesnt get me, its
very frustrating.
Yeah I told him, when I go to college, we
are going to see other people, because
otherwise it will be way too stressfull.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-16-06 13:14pm
What did he say?
|
penelope67
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 114 Location: NH
Posted: 03-16-06 13:45pm
Well, we are both kind of in an agreement
that we should take a break and see other
people, because I think neither of us
really know if we are right for each
other. I am only the second person he has
ever had sex with, so he kind of feels
like he has missed out. I think it will
be good for him, and he will probably
realize how good he has it and he will
come back-he has before. If not, it wasnt
meant to be. He is the one that told me
it was a good idea for me to go to
college, because its what I really want to
do, and I need to do something with my
life. I think a lot of good will come of
all of this. I hope anyway. :)
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-16-06 13:58pm
I hope so too!
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 03-16-06 14:15pm
Yes, trust is a big part of any
relationship. It does sound like you do
need a little break from each other, it
should prove a lot. It is strange how
opposites attract but it seems like it is
the way it is.
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
