Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 30 Location: Ontario Canada
Calling Older Virgins Posted: 03-13-06 19:08pm
I'm 29 years old and a virgin. For the
record i'm not happy being a virgin, but
i'm not looking for advice on how to get
laid because I don't think that sort of
thing works. (it's kind of like telling
a depressed person to "just cheer up").
What I would like is to talk to other
older virgins. So much of our society
revolves around sex and relationships,
very often I feel like an outsider. All
my friends are attached and i'm sick of
being the third wheel too. It would be
nice to talk to someone I can actually
relate to for once.
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-15-06 06:20am
There's absolutely nothing wrong with
being an "older virgin" and your right
society does place too value on sex.
However I do think relationships are
extremely important, and no matter how
independent and "above it all" we like to
pretend we are...No one wants to live out
their lives alone. We want to share our
experiences and joys, our ups and downs
with someone who totally connects with
us...A soul partner. If you want to
achieve this, maybe you can concentrate on
what you love to do, what are your
passions?Hobbies? As long as theses
things get you out of the house there'll
probably be someone out there who shares
these things too. You may consider
yourself sexless but this is probably
because you haven't yet met the "right
one". :)
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oneofthesun
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 30 Location: Ontario Canada
Posted: 03-15-06 19:05pm
Where did you read in my post that I
consider myself sexless?
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-15-06 20:57pm
A thousand apologises oneofthesun!!! Your
post reminded me of when I was living with
my ex..The passion long since
gone...Feeling kind of dead inside....And
not feeling attractive or even being able
to relate to another person.....I felt
sexless. I think I said "you may consider
yourself sexless"...With many posters they
tend to leave vital information out and it
leaves the responders guessing or as in my
case totally missing the mark. Again I
apologize.
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oneofthesun
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 30 Location: Ontario Canada
Posted: 03-16-06 21:18pm
Thanks for being so nice. Maybe my
answer was a bit short because i'm not
sexless, i'm sexually frustrated!
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ashlee_veronica
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006 Posts: 88 Location: New York
Posted: 03-16-06 21:26pm
I have a lot of friends that are in their
mid-twenties and are still virgins..It's
nothing to be ashamed of, it's not like
it's what makes you you. Assuming you've
already tried to get out there and meet
people and try your luck, don't feel that
you need to jump into bed with just
anyone. It has to be special. Or at
least not worthy of regretting the next
morning. The best thing I can tell you is
not to go out of your way to find someone
to sleep with because then that could come
across as desperate. It'll happen
eventually.
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-17-06 08:22am
Ashlee, I don't think oneofthesun is
ashamed or even think there's something
"wrong" with being an older virgin.
Oneofthesun is "sexually frustrated" and
wants to talk with other older virgins
too. Is that right?
Anyway, being sexually frustrated isn't
really problem as if all else fails, at
least the hands still work, eh? And in my
opinion whatever the prob is there's no
shortage of willing partners out
there...If an old broad like me(43) can
still turn heads and get "offers" than
someone younger shouldn't have a problem.
What i'm guessing is...Oneofthesun
probably has higher standards and doesn't
just want any "ya-hoo" to share his/her
life with. I've met many many
people...Some absolutely gorgeous(in my
eyes anyway!), but when I thought about
it....Do I want to wake up next to this?
What if this person talks to me(ie.
They're not too bright)? If I start
something odds are it won't last so how do
I get out of it gracefully?
Oneofthesun said he/she didn't want advice
on getting "laid" so maybe the advice
should be geared towards on finding the
"right person"
oneofthesun, i'm not an older
virgin.....But in my current situation I
guess you could call me a "born again
virgin".....And if I got it wrong again so
sorry....In that case....I'll quit while
i'm behind. :lol:
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ashlee_veronica
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006 Posts: 88 Location: New York
Posted: 03-17-06 10:49am
spirit
wrote:
if an old broad like me(43)
can still turn heads and get "offers" than
someone younger shouldn't have a problem.
that's not always the case though. Just
because you're older and can still attract
people doesn't mean that everyone else
younger than you "shouldn't have a
problem". I mean, that's great if you
still turn heads and all, but there's many
people who can't do that while they're
young and some people just plain do not
attract large amounts of people.
Sometimes it's a physical thing, sometimes
it's not.
I do agree that society places a lot of
pressure on people to have sex, especially
in today's society than it did 20 years
ago (when you, spirit, were in your
mid-twenties), and 20 years before that.
It's hard to relate to someone who is
different from you in many aspects.
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-19-06 06:59am
Let's see...I meant young people,
especially if your a woman, you "shouldn't
have a problem" if you just want sex. If
that's all they want i'm quite sure they
would get lots of takers. But of course,
most thinking persons want more...Much
more. And definitely didn't want to imply
that i'm "all that".......Far, far from
it.
Let's face it....If a woman is giving "it"
away, there will be someone there to take
it, physically beautiful or not.
What do we really want?
Well I can't speak for others but I want
someone who doesn't "judge" me and has
that little extra something that makes
them "shine" and stand out from the
others. Physical attraction becomes less
and less important as you become older.
I agree that everyone is different....But
ultimately we're all the same...Don't we
all want the same thing?Someone who loves
and accepts us for who we really are? :)
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2487 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:10
online
Posted: 03-19-06 10:07am
Hi guys.
I'm not a virgin anymore but I was a
virgin until I was 31. There is nothing
wrong with that.
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oneofthesun
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 30 Location: Ontario Canada
Posted: 03-19-06 20:02pm
spirit
wrote:
let's face it....If a woman
is giving "it" away, there will be someone
there to take it, physically beautiful or
not.
that's true, and men can always get a
hooker. So really no one is forced to
stay a virgin. I do have to keep
reminding myself that it is a choice.
But sometimes the choice sucks... My
choices are to stay a virgin or go with a
man twice my age who has a daddy complex,
because those are the only types I can
attract. Which wouldn't even be so bad
if I didn't have a medical condition where
I have to be extra careful about catching
something - those guys are don't care much
about protection.
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ashlee_veronica
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006 Posts: 88 Location: New York
Posted: 03-19-06 20:28pm
I wouldn't say those are your only
choices... You never know what might
happen. You could meet someone tomorrow.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2487 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:10
online
Posted: 03-19-06 20:30pm
oneofthesun
wrote:
spirit
wrote:
let's face it....If a woman
is giving "it" away, there will be someone
there to take it, physically beautiful or
not.
that's true, and men can always get a
hooker. So really no one is forced to
stay a virgin. I do have to keep
reminding myself that it is a choice.
But sometimes the choice sucks... My
choices are to stay a virgin or go with a
man twice my age who has a daddy complex,
because those are the only types I can
attract. Which wouldn't even be so bad
if I didn't have a medical condition where
I have to be extra careful about catching
something - those guys are don't care much
about
protection.
what medical condition do you have?
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2487 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:10
online
Posted: 03-19-06 20:54pm
I think one should have sex when one is
ready. I know I was when I got older. I
was raised up with a lot of moral values
in a latin country so in my 20's I wasn't
ready emotionally to have sex out of the
wedlock. It was a good thing I did not
because I wasn't ready. When I moved to
america I found it difficult to cope with
moral values and the way americans live.
Meet many guys that were inmediatly not
interested after knowing my thoughts about
sex. Lol and I think I lost a guy whom I
almost marry due to me wanting to wait.
Oh so many stories.
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oneofthesun
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 30 Location: Ontario Canada
Posted: 03-19-06 20:56pm
Um, i've said too much. If I tell you my
whole story you won't sympathize, it is
something normal people don't understand
and don't want to. So nevermind my
previous post.
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 03-20-06 07:13am
Nightangel, that's probably one of the
main reasons i'm attracted to people from
other cultures.....The way boys and girls
are raised or not raised in north america
and other countries is frightening. There
doesn't appear to be any guidelines, no
morality and an "anything goes attitude".
The objective seems to be: get ahead no
matter what and use and abuse as many
people as you can. Even men my age don't
bother trying to be gentlemen....It's like
their waiting around for some woman to
jump on them....As if!!!! Hang on to your
morals...It's what makes you special. :)
oneofthesun, well, people call me
ab-normal... So you can tell
me....Besides the evidence is all over the
place,eh?Just kidding. And ashlee's
right, I found a really good one at the
ripe old age of 38. :)
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oneofthesun
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Mar 2006 Posts: 30 Location: Ontario Canada
Posted: 03-20-06 18:47pm
Well if the evidence is all over the place
then I guess you already know.
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ashlee_veronica
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006 Posts: 88 Location: New York
Posted: 03-21-06 21:23pm
Haha ripe old age :p
good for you! =)
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guyphx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Mar 2005 Posts: 22
Posted: 03-31-06 19:32pm
Well i"m a 29 year old virgin too.
I figured everything out. It took me yet
another failed attempt to get into a
relationship to realize why things are as
they are.
Here it is in short (of course judging by
myself, but maybe you can find yourself in
the whole thing)
1. I have self confidence issue, meaning
that I don't have problems approaching
women or talking to them, or even kissing
them and having closer encounter, however
I have self confidence issues about my
body. I just feel very akward when a
women touches me simply because I think
she might be disgusted or something.
Nothing wrong with my body, everything's
in place, but i'm 30-40 pounds overweight
then I should be and I just don't like my
body.
I finally realized that this is very
visible to both women and men in general,
even though I don't have to say anything
and it's a big turn off no matter what.
95% of women notices it and just doesn't
want to be with someone like that. It's
very hard to look pass that for many
people. Everything else is completely
irrelevant. In my case, since i'm a guy,
I know that girls wouldn't care that i'm a
virgin just as long as I was confident,
take control type of guy and just take
them, even though I might suck at it for
the first time. As far as i've told by
many people, first time having sex with
someone no matter whether you're a virgin
or not, just plain sucks. It sucks
because the partners don't know each
other, don't know what they like and so
on. It takes time to have great sex, or
that's what i've been told. The bottom
line is, having sex is not rocket science,
every single human being can do it.
Solution:
you might not be overweight, but the
conclusion I came across is that you
should definitely work on everything that
makes you feel bad about yourself. I mean
everything. There's no other way.
I need and I think others with similar
problem to get up in the morning, look at
yourself in the mirror and just feel
great. Come out of that bathroom feeling
great about yourself, both mentally and
physically.
I can say one thing, all of my problems
will be definitely solved when I lose
weight for example. That's me. I am
pretty successful in my life in business,
I do what I love, I have everything that I
pretty much wanted except physical
appearance. This is where my world
crumbles. I just don't feel comfortable
with my body, this also leads to great
insecurity with my penis size for example,
which i'm sure at 5-5.5" is not small, but
when I look at myself in the mirror it
just looks worse then it is. Because of
that, I can't expect anyone else to love
me if I don't love myself in that way.
It's possible of course, but very rare and
this is why i'm still a virgin too.
Another thing why i'm a virgin is simply
because I lived the life of carreer and
education. Nothing wrong with that, but I
realized that I dedicated all my energy to
it, because I kept getting dissapointed
with my connection with women and my
weight. It also goes hand in hand. Very
connected.
2. These insecurities and lack of self
confidence in general makes me a poor
relationship partner. I just don't have
experience. This leads to another
problem. Possesivness and jelaousy,
distrust in your partner, leading into a
disaster each and every time.
Girl just dumped me again, and this one
really hurts, because I thought this would
be the girl I could be with and feel
comfortable with. But what i've learned
out of the whole thing is that once i'm
completely secure in myself, I won't
really care whether that person might
cheat on me, or ask her questions if she
cares about me etc. This is what has
drawn away this last girl. Of course that
not all people will be nice and perfect
partner for you or me, but feeling good
about yourself and loving yourself makes
it much easier to keep going on with your
life. No depression, nothing. You
realize, hey I am confident, there's other
people out there and obviously that
relationship didn't work and you go on.
Right now, because this girl left me, I
feel like crap in general, sometimes I
want to cry. But I realized, I don't want
to cry because she left me, I want to cry
because I am still at the point where I
was before, alone, unhappy and still
hating my body. For example, I know that
she would totally love me and be even more
attracted to me if I was extremely
confident, appearance has little to do
with why we're not together. She even
told me that, how come I can be so
confident in my business, be successful
and have so little self confidence when it
comes to relationship and myself. She was
dead on.
Well that's it. I think that the most
important thing that we all virgins lack
is self confidence. As soon as you are
confident and you love yourself you become
very attractive to everyone.
I might be wrong though, but that's how I
feel. I'm working my body and plan on
getting to my target weight in the next 4
months. I'll let you know how it goes.
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 04-01-06 07:03am
I'm glad you came to that realization, and
at such a young age, bravo!
Most people never get there....It's always
someone else's fault, genetics, or lifes
circumstances.
If you keep this up, you'll turn into a
heck of a man.
I'd also recommend taking a public
speaking course, that will not only help
with personal relationships, but also with
any professional career path you choose.
:)
