Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Please Help, I Am Loosing Grip Posted: 03-14-06 15:52pm
Hi guys,
keep in mind that I am french so my
english might be a little off.
I am 28 years of age and I have been with
my girlfriend for a little over 8 years.
We have a beautiful 5 months son together.
I feel really bad because she has no clue
of my feelings. We had a son which makes
this even more difficult. She loves me
very much and I know that this will
devastate her. I'm sure that she will be
very angry and that could push her to ask
for full custody even though we had
discussed it and that if it didn't work
out we would share custody. We own a
house, car, furniture and all that stuff.
We both make about the same pay.
I also met this great girl about 2 months
ago, and she made me realize that I was
just staying with her because we were
confortable and stuff.
1. How should I bring it up without
hurting her to much?
2. What would be my options for child
custody?
3. How does everything get split up?
Please help!!!!
Thank you!
|
Morning_Glory
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Mar 2006 Posts: 207 Location: NE Ohio
Posted: 03-14-06 20:11pm
Theres no chance of saving your
relationship? Eight years and a child
together is alot of investment for both of
you. Start by talking to her, maybe try
couple's counseling to get back on track
together.
I don't know how it works in canada so I
can't help you with how things get split
up but it doesn't sound like you've really
worked hard at keeping the relationship
together so shouldn't be ready to give up.
Leaving because your bored is not a good
reason to leave.
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Ok Here's the Real Truth Posted: 03-15-06 08:58am
I also met this girl which is great. You
know when your young you always ask
yourself how your future wife is going to
be well I can see that in that girl that I
met. She is great with kids and she
doesn't mind not having a kid of her own.
I mean life is short, should you be happy
living that life?
All I can think about is what to do? I
don't sleep well, i'm stressed out all the
time and I can't eat much...
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-20-06 13:57pm
Whats wrong with the girl your with right
now? You like the other girl b/c she's
good with kids and she wants them but you
have a wife and a kid,so whats the
difference? You just met this girl and
there is probably a lot you should know
about her before you ake a big decision
like that.I met my bf 4 months ago and
moved in with him a month and a half
ago.After a while of living with him I
found a lot of things about him I didn't
like and now I am not so sure about our
relationship.So think about it before you
make a decision!
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Thanks Melissa! Posted: 03-20-06 14:04pm
Thanks melissa!
After thinking about this for a while I
decided to get to know her better. She
feels we are meant to be together, I also
think that but this would be the biggest
decision of my life. I seriously have to
get to know her and make sure that it
would be the right decision.
Man i'm not a man that cheats, but this
girl was just to much. I got cut in the
trap and to tell you the truth I was never
in love prior to this and I had many
girlfriends before which is why it is very
hard for me to make up my mind. If being
in love is so hard physically than I would
much rather not fall in love at all.
Can't sleep, can't eat...
We will see where the future brings us...
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-20-06 14:26pm
So you don't love the girl yuor with
now?Then why did you stay with her once
you realzed it was not going anywhere?
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Posted: 03-20-06 14:30pm
I have no idea why, we were comfortable.
She's good to me.
I don't know where i'm going, i'm all
stressed out...
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-20-06 14:39pm
You need to sit down and make out a list
of reasons of why you want to be with
someone else and why you would want to
stay with her.I mean,some things you could
put down on your list are the fact that
you already have everything with your
gf,baby,house,furniture and from what it
sounds like you are living
comfortably.With the other girl,you have
no idea what she is all about,what her
past is like,if she has ever been in a
mental institution,if your personalities
will clash after a while etc.Just be
careful and make sure tis the right thing
for you and your family,cause
remember,your life is not the only one
which will be changing. Like I was
telling you about my bf,at first when I
met him,he was a total sweetheart and now,
2 months later he is this guy I love but
he is mean and I don't understand him
mmuch anymore.It's getting hard for me to
believe him when he says I love you to me.
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Posted: 03-20-06 14:44pm
I did that already and the other girl
knows that I want to take my time. She
seems ok with that. I spoke to my dad
because it did happen to him before also
and it ended up that they split up 6
months after. He had not only left my
mother but me, my twin brother and my
little sister. The hardest thing about
this was that me and my brother were 9
years old, so we were old enough to
understand what was going on.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-20-06 14:52pm
I'm sorry,what your father did isn't
cool.Sometimes we think we will end up
like our parents whether you know it or it
is subconcious.I am a perfect example of
that.My father put my mother through a lot
of caca and they are still together.My b/f
puts me through a lot of caca and I hope
one day he will change and it will end up
like my mother and father and everything
will be ok,but the truth is it might not
be.Do you know what I am getting at? Well
pascel,if you do leave her please don't be
absent in your child life,the baby
deserves to have their father there.Hope
everything goes well fo you.
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Posted: 03-20-06 14:57pm
Thanks mel,
you know, any decision I take, I will
assume them and take my responsabilities.
We have talked about it before and I want
50/50 custody. My present girlfriend is
fare and I don't think she will deal with
it in anger but she will deal with it in
the best way for our child.
I hope everything goes well for you
also...
Take care!
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-20-06 15:07pm
No problem! I hope everything works out
for you and I am happy you are going to be
a man about this.Thanks!
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 03-20-06 16:08pm
Comment pouvez vous être avec quelqu'un
pendant huit années et ne pas
communiquer, je vous comprendre que to
aime quelqu'un dautre mais a la meme temp
vous avez votre fils à penser à.....
Huit années avec quelqu'un est semblable
au marriage, votre blond sera triste parce
qu elle avait confiance dans vous, comment
vous vous sentiriez?? D'accord vous etes
confortable, est ce que vous aimez votre
blonde du tout??
J'espère que sa marche avec la nouvelle
fille, parce que s'il pas je ne pensez pas
que la mère de votre fils aura les bras
ouverts pour quelqu'un qui l'a trahie!!
That's my opinion!!
Like melissa said write down positive and
negative about both woman and take into
consideration you have a son and do you
really want this other woman to be ur sons
stepmother??
Jess
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 03-21-06 08:05am
Wow,i understood like 3 of those
words,lol.
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Posted: 04-05-06 11:15am
Hi guys,
well, after much consideration I have
decided to end our relationship. It is a
little stressful theses days as we are
selling the house and we decided that
instead of being joint custody it will be
9 days with her and 5 days with me at
first. We looked it up on the internet
and apparently it is better for the kids
to have a home and to not be in their bags
all the time. They need stability.
I just have one little question for people
that have been divorces and specificly for
people that were the ones making the
decision. Maybe it was not the same exact
situation as me but I feel like I made the
right decision. We talked about it and we
are to different and don't have that much
in common. When you make a decision like
that is it like getting married, do you
sometimes get cold feet thinking that your
decision could be the wrong one?
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 04-05-06 11:41am
Wow,that took some guts,but I am proud of
you and happy you both came to an
agreement. I can't answer your
question,sry!
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Posted: 04-05-06 11:51am
Guts you think...!
I guess you can call it that way, i'm sure
a lot of people stay together even though
one of them thinks it cannot work out
because they are scared of the unknown.
I just couldn't continue like this, i've
lost over 15 pounds in the last month
thinking about it. I didn't want to hurt
her or hurt our surrounding but it had to
be done. We are dealing with this in the
most professional way if I can call it
that. I understant that it is my fault
and I do feel for the hurt that she has, I
do feel sad about it don't get me wrong
but I still know I did the right thing.
We've decided that until the house is sold
we would both stay there but it's kind of
weird you know after 8 years you always
have theses little corny names that you
called yourselfs and we're just trying not
to use theses names anymore.
I'm just trying to be there for her to
make this as easier as possible for her to
get through. She sometimes wants to just
like cuddle, it makes her feel better but
I just wish the house gets sold as fast as
possible because it's a pretty weird
situation.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 04-05-06 11:56am
Yes I call it guts b/c that was a hard
thing for you to do even though it had to
be done.Does she know about the other girl
or did you just tell her how you have been
feeling? Just wondering.I think you are
dealing with it in the "most professional
way possible" and I think its awesome that
neither of you has gone psycho on the
other(yet).Not saying you will.
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Posted: 04-05-06 12:17pm
Guts you think...!
I guess you can call it that way, i'm sure
a lot of people stay together even though
one of them thinks it cannot work out
because they are scared of the unknown.
I just couldn't continue like this, i've
lost over 15 pounds in the last month
thinking about it. I didn't want to hurt
her or hurt our surrounding but it had to
be done. We are dealing with this in the
most professional way if I can call it
that. I understant that it is my fault
and I do feel for the hurt that she has, I
do feel sad about it don't get me wrong
but I still know I did the right thing.
We've decided that until the house is sold
we would both stay there but it's kind of
weird you know after 8 years you always
have theses little corny names that you
called yourselfs and we're just trying not
to use theses names anymore.
I'm just trying to be there for her to
make this as easier as possible for her to
get through. She sometimes wants to just
like cuddle, it makes her feel better but
I just wish the house gets sold as fast as
possible because it's a pretty weird
situation.
|
pascal33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Québec, Canada
Posted: 04-05-06 12:21pm
A damm I copied the one from the last
time... caca...
I have to get used to copy before to
submit, for some reason I get disconnected
some times and have to log-in again...
Well quickly, yes I did tell her, I had no
choice, I don't want her to keep hope and
it will be much easier for her that way...
