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Abusive Boyfriend...but There's Nothing I Can Do

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Medical Questions-> Health Forums -> Troubled and Abusive Relationships -> Abusive Boyfriend...but There's Nothing I Can Do
Medical Questions

Leave him or stay?
Break up with him
100%
 100%  [ 7 ]
Keep going out with him, at least for now
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 7

Author Message
LorelaiG

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006
Posts: 1
Abusive Boyfriend...but There's Nothing I Can Do
Posted: 03-14-06 22:40pm

I'm in such big trouble...But I don't know what to do anymore....
About a year and a half ago I started going out with a really sweet guy. He was sensitive, and caring, and passionate, and emotional...The perfect boyfriend. But after a while, he wanted to have sex. I wasn't ready (and i'm still not ready), so I said no. He didn't respond well. He said that we're going out long enough for him to expect this, and that i'm selfish and I need to think about his needs. Though for a long time I thought he was right, I was resolute and didn't give in. He started beating me up after a while, getting more and more aggressive with each time. When I tried to break up with him the beating got so much worse and he forced me to keep going out with him. Last summer I went to camp and somehow let it slip about the situation...The girl told the camp counselor, who called my parents and told them everything. My parents, however, didn't react as I thought they would--they didn't believe me! I had no evidence or marks at the time, and they thought I was making it up to get attention. So it went on, and I kept going out with him. I recently moved to a city about 45 minutes away...But he still calls me every single day, wants to meet me, has "spies" in my school that tell him everything I do and who I hang out with...I feel chained to him. Part of me believes he will change--he wasn't always like this, I think it's more of an anger management thing...But the other part of me wants to be free. I'm sick and tired of making up excuses for the new black eye or the bruises on my stomach. But lately he's been coming to my school and forcing me to be with him, and having his friends talk to me to try and arrange meetings with him. I went to the police, but he was already there when I got there telling them that I was making stuff up to get him in trouble. Though the police believed me, they needed testimony from parents since i'm a minor...And my parents didn't believe me, so they wouldn't testify. I can't tell another adult because then my parents will get ever angrier with me...When they found out I told the police they were really mad. If I even try to break up with him his friends will make sure I regret it. I'm out of answers. He wants me to give him another chance...But i'm so lost. Advice? I would appreciate it beyond your belief.
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ashlee_veronica

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006
Posts: 88
Location: New York

Posted: 03-16-06 20:00pm

Hunnie you need to get away from this whole entire situation asap. Get help from a domestic abuse crisis center or hotline. It sounds as if the entire situation is escalating and nothing you're doing now seems to be helping... You need to get help from someone...There are hotlines that you can call to talk to someone about what options you have. Please, take this advice and get some help from a crisis center.
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sandyallen

Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580

Posted: 03-16-06 20:15pm

He will not change, I have been there!
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ashlee_veronica

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006
Posts: 88
Location: New York

Posted: 03-16-06 20:56pm

sandyallen wrote:
he will not change, I have been there!


yeah I agree... The need to abuse/control/dominate your partner is deeply imbedded in the person's psychological make-up and it would take more than just talking with him or staying in the relationship to make him change his abusive behavior.
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StacyD

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006
Posts: 83
Location: Canada
Stop
Posted: 03-16-06 22:40pm

Sorry to hear this. Stop making excuses for your black eyes or bruse. Because this is why he can keep doing it. Protect yourself stand up! Like you said each time it gets worse. What about that day when he really does some damage. Don't think that he will change cause he wont. If you think so, and have sex with him get pregnant. Will your children have to suffer this abuse too? I am sorry. You must be scared. I would stop taking calls from him. Whatever you do don't call him. You must have a school counceller? Or principal that you can talk to? Tell as many people as you can.


Good luck please give updates! Never blame yourself

stacy
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