Abusive Boyfriend...but There's Nothing I Can Do Posted: 03-14-06 22:40pm
I'm in such big trouble...But I don't know
what to do anymore....
About a year and a half ago I started
going out with a really sweet guy. He was
sensitive, and caring, and passionate, and
emotional...The perfect boyfriend. But
after a while, he wanted to have sex. I
wasn't ready (and i'm still not ready), so
I said no. He didn't respond well. He
said that we're going out long enough for
him to expect this, and that i'm selfish
and I need to think about his needs.
Though for a long time I thought he was
right, I was resolute and didn't give in.
He started beating me up after a while,
getting more and more aggressive with each
time. When I tried to break up with him
the beating got so much worse and he
forced me to keep going out with him.
Last summer I went to camp and somehow let
it slip about the situation...The girl
told the camp counselor, who called my
parents and told them everything. My
parents, however, didn't react as I
thought they would--they didn't believe
me! I had no evidence or marks at the
time, and they thought I was making it up
to get attention. So it went on, and I
kept going out with him. I recently moved
to a city about 45 minutes away...But he
still calls me every single day, wants to
meet me, has "spies" in my school that
tell him everything I do and who I hang
out with...I feel chained to him. Part of
me believes he will change--he wasn't
always like this, I think it's more of an
anger management thing...But the other
part of me wants to be free. I'm sick and
tired of making up excuses for the new
black eye or the bruises on my stomach.
But lately he's been coming to my school
and forcing me to be with him, and having
his friends talk to me to try and arrange
meetings with him. I went to the police,
but he was already there when I got there
telling them that I was making stuff up to
get him in trouble. Though the police
believed me, they needed testimony from
parents since i'm a minor...And my parents
didn't believe me, so they wouldn't
testify. I can't tell another adult
because then my parents will get ever
angrier with me...When they found out I
told the police they were really mad. If
I even try to break up with him his
friends will make sure I regret it. I'm
out of answers. He wants me to give him
another chance...But i'm so lost. Advice?
I would appreciate it beyond your belief.
|
ashlee_veronica
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006 Posts: 88 Location: New York
Posted: 03-16-06 20:00pm
Hunnie you need to get away from this
whole entire situation asap. Get help
from a domestic abuse crisis center or
hotline. It sounds as if the entire
situation is escalating and nothing you're
doing now seems to be helping... You need
to get help from someone...There are
hotlines that you can call to talk to
someone about what options you have.
Please, take this advice and get some help
from a crisis center.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 03-16-06 20:15pm
He will not change, I have been there!
|
ashlee_veronica
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Mar 2006 Posts: 88 Location: New York
Posted: 03-16-06 20:56pm
sandyallen
wrote:
he will not change, I have
been there!
yeah I agree... The need to
abuse/control/dominate your partner is
deeply imbedded in the person's
psychological make-up and it would take
more than just talking with him or staying
in the relationship to make him change his
abusive behavior.
|
StacyD
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 83 Location: Canada
Stop Posted: 03-16-06 22:40pm
Sorry to hear this. Stop making excuses
for your black eyes or bruse. Because
this is why he can keep doing it.
Protect yourself stand up! Like you said
each time it gets worse. What about that
day when he really does some damage.
Don't think that he will change cause he
wont. If you think so, and have sex
with him get pregnant. Will your
children have to suffer this abuse too?
I am sorry. You must be scared. I
would stop taking calls from him.
Whatever you do don't call him. You must
have a school counceller? Or principal
that you can talk to? Tell as many
people as you can.
Good luck please give updates! Never
blame yourself
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