Boyfriend Drinks a Bottle of Vodka Everyday. Now Quit, But.. Posted: 03-19-06 02:41am
I know this is long (2 pages word
processed) but if you take the time to
read it and give some advice I would
really appreciate it. I started from the
point he moved in.. To the point of
drinking a bottle of vodka everyday and
passing out. He says he'll get treatment,
but thinks he's cured because he got the
molestation out. So, now he doesn't crave
it. I don't want to lose him this is
scary.
After two years of dating.. Dale moved
in together, in october, and he started to
drink alot in feb. Which wasn't good,
because I would come home, and have to
take care of him then do my schooling..
So, then finally he wasn't working, and
was selling my things to buy drinks (once
again not soo cool) so, I got mad! That
night I needed to go to the mall to get
stuff for a project, but he was too drunk
to take me. So, I had to walk there when
I got home. I said, "why do I need you
here anyway. I am starting to really
hate you. You're a loser. I want my
stuff back tomorrow" so, then later on
that night I cuddled up to him, and said
sorry. I told him that I just get so
upset, because he drinks. We kissed said
good night, and went to sleep.
The next day he took me to the store and
took out money gave it to me for lunch..
I was wondering why, because he never has
done that before, and it was way too much.
Then he took me out for breakfast
dropped me off at school. Gave me hugs
and kisses, and ensured me that he would
be back to get me after school. Then I
realized I forgot my presentation… oh
oh.. So, I called home, and sure enough
he came and dropped it off for me. I was
so happy. I bought him some treats to
say thank you for saving my life.
I went home that night, and everything of
his was gone! I was so sad. I was so
excited to see him. So, first thing I
did was call his parents. Crying I told
them what had happened they said he was
there collecting his income tax stuff. I
got off the phone and looked around to see
if I could find a letter. I went into
the bedroom, and everything he sold was
back. Then I realized that I would
rather have him!
After all of the hustle and bustle. I
didn’t have time to think. So,
finally. I just lay down and I was
thinking about what I was going to do, and
where dale would be, and was thinking
about when I was so mean. I was thinking
about how he would sleep so much, and he
was apparently very depressed.. I
didn’t notice though I was just looking
out for myself. (selfish)
the next day still no one heard from him.
I was like really worried…i was crying
a lot. His mom and I talked, and we
cried about it. Then I remembered how
dale told me one night when he was
drinking that it hurt so bad, because he
was molested as a child. He was talking
about what happened, and he was only 8 and
sometimes he feels like the only escape is
through drinking. It was an older cousin
who did this to him I asked him if anyone
knew. I was the only one he had ever
told.
I told my mom what happened to him, and
she told me to tell his parents. So,
that night I called his parents and I told
them. I said what dale said to me, but I
made them promise they wouldn’t tell
everyone. They still hadn’t heard from
him. Then I was like thinking about
everything that dale and I talked about
and it was really overwhelming.
The next day (sunday) the police did a
nation wide search for dale everyone was
looking. I spent most of the day on the
phone with the police being questioned,
and finally the police officer asked.
Did he leave a letter. I said no. He
said, “are you at home one a land
line?” I told him I was he told me to
look for a suicide letter. He said
they’re usually hidden. My parents
took me home where I planned to stay with
his parents for monday.
Then the next day. I called his parents,
and dale answered the phone. Turns out
he just sat in a hotel room drinking a
lot! So, I told dale that I told his
dad. Dale was crying upset and confused.
He didn’t know what to do, or say.
He said that he just snapped when he left.
He couldn’t take it anymore. Then he
let me go to talk to his dad. He was
telling his dad about what had happened to
him and he passed out, he wasn’t
breathing and hit his head his dad called
9-1-1. He went to the hospital in an
ambulance, and he was there over night in
the morning they were going to transfer
him to detox. He decided that he wanted
to see me first.
He came to my house he was going to stay
there for a bit and then go to detox, but
he was scared to go there. So, I offered
to go with him. When we got there they
had no beds available. So, we went back
later that night. Same thing. So, we
tried treatment programs etc. And
couldn’t get in anywhere. So, then we
went to his parents house to tell them
what we found.
I walked through the door his mom was
standing there… she started to yell at
me. She said, “you think you have all
of the answers don’t you. Well, stacy
you’re a big girl. So, if anything
happens to him blame yourself. I am sick
of being worried. She went on and on for
10 minutes. Finally I broke down in
tears. Dale came in and hugged me. He
told me it wasn’t my fault. Then the
phone rang his mom answered it., and I was
still crying she as she was talking and
laughing. Then I ended up staying there
and in the morning. His mom wrote him a
letter that said, “take stacy home
she”s not helping!” so, we went to
some more places to get help including the
hospital, and to see a detective about the
abuse.
That night dale went home to tell his mom
what he was doing. I waited in the car
this time. She was rude to him so for
the first time in his life. He told her
off.. He told her about how much she
hurts him etc. So, then we were driving
away, and he wanted to go back to see if
she was ok. He pretended he forgot
something, and came out. He told me she
was standing in the same spot in shock.
Then he stayed at my parents house.
The following day I was leaving to go back
to school. He was crying so hard telling
me that he would miss me. I wasn’t
crying. I was actually looking forward
to going home. I have been here for a
week. His dads birthday was last week
his mom told him to invite me for dinner.
I didn’t go because I was 3 hr. Away
at school. Since then when I call she
erases my messages, and when he calls me.
She tells him to get off of the phone.
So, she’s pretty much trying to break us
up. I just want to help him. I suppose
I am not doing a good job. I will never
give up on him. I love him
so, last weekend he was suppose to come
here and he didn't then this weekend he
was suppose to come here and he didn'call.
I don't know what the heck to do.. I
just love him too much!! This is crazy
he did tell me he thinks everthing will be
ok... I don't know what to do anymore.
I just want to love him..
|
dansmeek
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 8
Posted: 04-05-06 22:57pm
Wow, that sucks. Im sure theres some
great qualities that made u like him, but
he's obviously having enough trouble just
staying alive, let alone for a
relationship. You can love him I guess,
but, I dont think he has the mental state
to love himself, let alone someone else.
So, I would move on, and accept that his
problems are pretty severe, and that you
are not the one to fix them. Maybe one
day he'll be sober and independant of his
parents, and then he'll come back to you.
|
deadwoodhbo
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Apr 2006 Posts: 8
One Drink to Many Posted: 04-08-06 19:30pm
:shock: hello I aslo drank a 40 of vodka
everyday,i would mix it with choclate milk
untill one day my bood presure soared to
over 200.I now have hypertention and a
weak heart due to that one bottle of vodka
aday.It wasnt till I was nearly dead did I
learn my lesson.I,m only 40 but now I live
everyday asking myself will this be the
day my heart gives in.Thank you
vodka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
davi3165
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Missouri
Posted: 04-08-06 19:52pm
First question, how old are you and dale?
It sounds to me like he's a mama's boy and
he's probably gonna do everything that she
says and won't make any decisions for
himself. In my opinion I think you were
doing all you could to help dale. You
were very supportive and were willing to
do anything to find him some help. It's
too bad that his mother couldn't see that
and now she is ruining your relationship.
Why aren't you guys living together
anymore? Why is he living with his
mother? All I know, if he isn't going to
be in a relationship with you because his
mother says so, then he probably doesn't
love you anyway and you should move on.
It sounds like his mother is jealous that
he has found someone and she fears losing
her son. I think alot of mom's feel that
way about their sons though, especially if
they are very close. Dale will more than
likely always have some kind of emotional
issues due to the child molestation issue.
But, what he really needs is love and
support from family and friends. So I
wish you luck.
|
StacyD
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 83 Location: Canada
Re: One Drink to Many Posted: 04-21-06 14:55pm
deadwoodhbo
wrote:
:shock: hello I aslo drank a
40 of vodka everyday,i would mix it with
choclate milk untill one day my bood
presure soared to over 200.I now have
hypertention and a weak heart due to that
one bottle of vodka aday.It wasnt till I
was nearly dead did I learn my lesson.I,m
only 40 but now I live everyday asking
myself will this be the day my heart gives
in.Thank you
vodka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i know what you mean. His blood pressure
was at 155 and I was thinking that's
pretty high. He just drinks it straight,
and passes out. It's really scary. He
told me that he doesn't drink anymore. I
went to his house, and found it all
through his room. I even found alot of
cough medication bottles? What's that
about.. All I know is his cold wasn't
that bad.
|
StacyD
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 83 Location: Canada
Hi Posted: 04-21-06 15:10pm
davi3165
wrote:
first question, how old are
you and dale? It sounds to me like he's
a mama's boy and he's probably gonna do
everything that she says and won't make
any decisions for himself. In my opinion
I think you were doing all you could to
help dale. You were very supportive and
were willing to do anything to find him
some help. It's too bad that his mother
couldn't see that and now she is ruining
your relationship. Why aren't you guys
living together anymore? Why is he
living with his mother? All I know, if
he isn't going to be in a relationship
with you because his mother says so, then
he probably doesn't love you anyway and
you should move on. It sounds like his
mother is jealous that he has found
someone and she fears losing her son. I
think alot of mom's feel that way about
their sons though, especially if they are
very close. Dale will more than likely
always have some kind of emotional issues
due to the child molestation issue. But,
what he really needs is love and support
from family and friends. So I wish you
luck.
you're right on the dot! I know what you
mean! He is 31 I am 23 we met when he was
28. He was definitly a mommas boy. He
ended moving in with her and his dad, but
get this! His mom left out a bottle of
vodka to 'test' him. (he's waiting to get
into a treatment centre.) I couldn't
believe it. Guess what! He drank it. He
didn't drink for three weeks before that.
Anyway, she kicked him out. Then she felt
bad and told him he could stay.
I have told him many times that he has the
ability to live on his own, and she just
brings him down. She wont help him. On
his own he found a new place to live. He
now lived with some guys they're all
really nice.. These guys are awesome one
gothim a day job and he's found his own
night job. So, he's doing pretty good,
but when I was at his new place I found a
whole bunch of bottles. I know since his
last binge he hasn't stopped.
I also went to see his mom and she kept on
commenting me. I don't know why, and
didn't know how to take it really it was
weird! Because she says different when I
am not there.
Sometimes I wonder if he moved out just to
spend time drinking. You know I just wish
that he would stop drinking. I really
love him and would like to have a great
life together!
I am sorry that you have had to go through
all of this, you are not alone! I also
went through physical abuse and mental
abuse, he has gone through a lot but he
has to be willing to help himself before
others can help him. I even went through
classes of how to learn to live with an
alchoholic heck mine even got into drugs
which to me I could never see any
difference as they were both chemicals
unless he was on the acid he too had a bad
past that I felt that I could help him
with as his bad past had to do with his
father beating the crap out of him when
his father was drinking. Yours does need
help and the help he needs is
professional, until he gets that help
their is nothing that we can do, even
though I am not a dr, I have been through
it and we never know what they will do
next and the alchohol will kill them with
scirosis of the liver, they can get in a
car and not only hurt thmselves but also
hurt or kill someone else so maybe you
might want to give him a little space, it
might wake him up and you can still be
friends. You do need to do what you feel
is the right thing to do for the two of
you and realize whatever hapens his mother
will blame you but it sounds like she
needs help or a swift kick in the arse as
it is not your fault!
I do want to let you know that we are here
for you! You do deserve better!
I do wish you all the best with whatever
you decide to do!
|
rinsha
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 305 Location: Alabama
Posted: 05-23-06 12:37pm
So sorry to hear, this I hope everything
works out for you. His mom seems to have
always had a big effect on everything. I
know how that is, it seems you really love
him. I hope everything will work out for
you two. She seems to be right in the
middle. And I am sure as soon as you
turn your back your the one she blames.
But he is a grown man and does need to
decide whether or not he wants to be with
you because if he is this old, why is he
still letting her control him? <just
my personal thought>
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StacyD
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 83 Location: Canada
Hey Posted: 06-17-06 21:01pm
Hello
you're right./.. Why does he let her
control him. Hah the other day we were
walking by a jewellery store, and he saw
some crystal. He was like I should buy
that for my mom... (i was thinking..
What?) he stopped buying me stuff long ago