I Want to Leave the Father Posted: 03-21-06 13:00pm
I am due in 6 days and I absolutely loathe
the father of this child. We have been
together for approximately 6 years (on
& off). He is a drug & porn
addict. He would deny both of the
addictions if confronted. But when ever
he is given the opportunity he is on it,
anywhere ranging from 3-6 times a week.
We are tight on cash right now, but he
continues to buy pornography. We have
battled with this situation for years now.
I couldn't even believe I got pregnant
since we only have sex 1 a month, unless
he is high on certain types of drugs. No
matter how much we yell, or how much I cry
nothing changes. He says it is my
problem, and I should get over it. I
don't have my family to turn to, and I
don't want to turn to a shelter. I
passed up an apartment in my price range
the other week, just because I was so
close to delivering. But I don't know
what to do. I don't want to expose a
baby to this kind of environment, although
he promises that the drugs will stop after
the baby arrives.
I'm sure this sound selfish, but the porn
hurts me just as much as the drugs. I
know men look at porn, but his collection
is obsurd & he would rather look at
that & touch himself than touch me.
Normally I have to beg for sex (even
pre-pregnancy). We used to do the drugs
together, until I got pregnant, not as
frequently. As soon as I found out I was
pregnant I stopped everything, but he just
got worse. I feel so helpless, I don't
know what to do.
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7892 Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
Posted: 03-21-06 14:03pm
Wow, i'm really sorry that you have to go
through this so close to delivery!! If
you would've gotten the apartment what do
you think he would've done?
I understand what you mean about not
wanting to expose my child to a negative
environment.
I'm not telling you that he won't change,
because some men do. But if you know him
and you can't hear the sincereity in his
voice when he says he'll stop his
addictions, than you need to act
instinctivly. But at least give him a
chance. See if he changes, give him a
specific amount of time, and if you don't
notice him at least trying...Than you
should drop him.
I really hope that this situation gets
better!!! But a postive single mother
environment is better than a negative
coupled environment!!
Sarah
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Fairy Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1556 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 93
Thanked:162
I Totally Agree With Sarah Posted: 03-21-06 14:37pm
My heart goes out to you. You have no
friends or family in which to talk to or
be with you? Once this baby gets home,
and things do not change for the better, I
would by any means leave with this child.
This is not a healthy environment for
anyone. Not sure where you are, but you
could maybe qualify for help (check out
the family with children plans in your
community. Do not be too proud to ask for
help. At least this would get you out of
a "sicko" situation, until you can get on
your feet and have help with this child.
You and this baby deserve so much more. I
am very proud of you for giving up the
drugs and for getting yourself together.
You sound as though you are going to be a
wonderful mother. I know you love this
guy, but if he chooses his drug and porn
over you and this baby..... To the
curb>>>>>>>>>&g
t;>> make him prove it. Ther are
way too many good men out there who would
love and appreciate you and this baby.
One whose not into drugs and porn. Been
there...Done that 22 years ago!
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Glamorgirli
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2005 Posts: 193 Location: Michigan
Posted: 03-21-06 14:40pm
I say leave him! You can always get
assistance from the government. You and
your baby don't need to be in that
situation. You need to stay away from the
drugs and get you and your baby into a
healthier enviornment.
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3rdtimemommy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 3
Posted: 03-21-06 21:30pm
I'm so sorry to hear of your unfortunate
situation! I'm sure you are scared at
this point but there is help out there.
There is probably help right here online
for you. Also if you are seeing a doctor
(i hope you are!) he or she should be able
to steer you in the direction of some
agencies or people who could help. There
may be a shelter for women in your
situation nearby. The most important
thing you should know is that you and your
baby are not safe in your home as long as
there are drugs involved. If you bring
your baby into this environment you are
putting it in severe danger. You may
also risk having the child taken away from
you if you cannot provide a safe home for
it. Even though he says he will stop
using drugs (and he may intend to) he may
not be able to. I'm so glad that you
quit using drugs during your pregnancy.
It sounds like you are capable of being a
great mother. Please seek out help for
this before the baby is born. At the
very least, it sounds like you could use
someone to talk to! Best wishes for a
healthy delivery and a healthy baby!
Please let us know how you're doing!
