I would say ive been living with
depression for the last 7 years. Ive been
to therapy, ive been on antidepressents
but things just dont change. As often as
I say I want to change my lifestyle it
frustrates me that nothing is ever
different. I hate all the decisions and
choices I make but I do nothing about it,
all I do is feel bad about them after and
I dont feel bad for a day, it lasts for a
while. I use my depression as an excuse,
I know this, but at the same time I just
feel that this is the way I am and will
always be. I dont eat well, I have
horrible sleeping routine, I drink, I
smoke, im in love with a man who can no
longer stand me, I hate being around my
family, my room is always a mess, I cant
concentrate on my school work and I just
want to know that I am not alone. Im
tired of people thinking im crazy, I swear
im not, I just cant help my behavior or
thoughts, or at least im not allowing
myself to. Please is there any other
female in her 20s that can relate to me, I
need someone to talk to.
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Nichole123
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2006 Posts: 6 Location: Denver
Posted: 03-29-06 14:06pm
Im not in my twenty's . But I think we
can relate! I am a teenage female that
had gone through some dramatic times! I
know exactly what you mean and how you
feel, but your not alone! A councelor
would probably help you alot! Your not
crazy your just misunerstud! Don;t think
of the way you think as a flaw,but as a
gift! It makes you unique, it makes you,
simply you! And as for not sleeping well
thats part of the depression! Etaing
well, honestly , who really does!
Drinking and smokeing - are you way of
saying you want out! Escapeing to what
you want things to be, its a time when you
can love yourself for who you are! But in
all reality you are an original, a
masterpiece covered in the finger prints
of god! I believe people through out
their life times mold themselves into
being who they truly widh to be , and your
just still in the process of molding who
you are, along with the rest of us! Don't
hate yourself for your inperfections love
yourself for them! But I would look into
the councelor,
and most of all pray, when there is
nothing left!
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lil-eve33
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Mar 2006 Posts: 3
Why Cant I Change Posted: 03-30-06 00:03am
Thank you for your kind words nichole.
Nobody has ever told me to look at my
condition as unique, but that certanily
does put a positive spin on things.
Counselors, therapists, they just dont
seem to help, ive been there, ive
certainly talked up a storm with some of
them, I have no problem talking about how
my depression affects me, its just that I
think I have to accept that somethings are
never going to change. I just cant seem
to control my behavior, I run with my
ideas even when I know its not the best
decision. Sometimes I think I must
actually like being depressed since I
never follow through with steps to
improvement. I know I suffer from
dysthymia, but there have been plenty of
dramtic episodes in my life where I have
fallen into major depression. My last
major depressive episode was in and around
sep/oct., the gentelmen whom I thought I
was spending the rest of my life with
completely dissapointed me and in stead of
moving on, here I am 6months later still
thinking about him oh and did I mention
his brother and I are now the best of
friends. This to me is living in a bad
situation, not allowing myself to feel
better. But as much as I know this, I
continue to do it, I continue to see his
brother just sbout everyday. What is
that, to me it is not very normal
especially since I can admit its not
healthy for me. But I dont change
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Nichole123
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2006 Posts: 6 Location: Denver
Posted: 03-30-06 13:41pm
I know this isn't the best advice I have
ever given anyone ,but you gettinga long
with your x's brother isn't a bad thing in
my eyes! People even if they are siblings
, are still unique, and diffrent people!
Just because you can find a friend in
someone that happens to be related to your
x means nothing!
And running with your thoughts ,
even knowing they are not the best of
choices has two sides! Positive- doing
that makes you spontanious and fun
,outgoing,adventurous! You can be
remembered as the girl who would try
anything once, or has a good time with her
life, instead of wasteing it away on the
couch or in an office 24/7never knowing
what kind of diffrent things are out
there! Negative- if you were reffering to
drugs or something that would be in the
same catigory as that maybe it's a bad
decision! When i'm heading in the same
path , I look back on the mistakes I have
made, and how they have effected the ones
I love, and then I sit there and wish that
there was some way I can take it back, any
way it could be erased! But the sad thing
about that is , is that there isn't anyway
to erase those kinds of choices!
So try , and make the good ones the fist
time!
One thing to try that deffinatly
helped for me is I found something else to
do , like instead of getting plastered,
cutting myself, takeing to many pills,
then passing out, I will read or mountain
bike , or dance, swim, go for a walk! I
know that doesn't sound to helpful , but
try it at least a few times, you'll be
suprised at what a diffrence it makes!
Another thing you can do , and this if
going to sound even crazyer! Is tell some
one that matters to you what your doing!
Get them mad at you! How that helped with
me was , I don't care if I hurt myself,
buit I would die not to see any one I know
or love hurt! So I told my best friend ,
and she knew already , but she didn't know
all of it! And she cried , and cried,
and cried! And the funny thing is I
haven't done it since!
So I hope my novel up here helped at
least a little!
