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munky23

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 130

Very Upset....ever Happen to You? Posted: 03-27-06 10:14am


So i've been with this guy for about 4 months now and we have the perfect relationship. Yesterday he told me that he would break up with me if I can't orgasm during sex because its a confidence thing and kills his confidence. I am so upset because I really care about this guy and he would break up with me over that? I told him it upset me and hes like well maybe I wouldn't but it would be really weird being with a girl that can't orgasm. What is really frustrating is I can orgasm he just can't make me orgasm. He assumes it psychological...I told him its physical, I just can't orgasm from intercourse. I know the solution have he rub my clit or whatever. Just how unfair is this he can't make me orgasm during intercourse so I should be the one to get my heartbroken? And its not like I care, I love sex, I don't care that I don't orgasm.

Morning_Glory

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Joined: 10 Mar 2006
Posts: 207
Location: NE Ohio

Posted: 03-27-06 10:49am


Well if its not an issue for you at this time, why not just "fake it" like alot of other women do. Most of us women don't get an orgasm from intercourse. Occasionally though you might be able to get one if you are on top and hitting your clit just right on his abdomen while you are having sex.

munky23

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Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 130

Posted: 03-27-06 13:54pm


Well I would fake it but he knows...According to him he can feel when a woman has an orgasm (because of the extra fluid that comes out and squeezing of the muscles) and I really can't orgasm on top, i'm too self-conscious, the only times I even came close...Which was once was in missionary.

Ingi

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Posted: 03-27-06 14:42pm


Actually, not all women 'cum' during an orgasm either. What i'm curious about it is if it is the perfect relationship, why he'd throw it all away over sex? Four months is not that long and sex often times gets better the more comfortable you are with your partner. His pressuring you to have an orgasm or end the relationship sounds like you'll never be able to achieve an orgasm that would 'please' him enough. Today it's an orgasm, tomorrow it's...? My solution? Get nasty. You play with your own clit while you are having sex with him. Show him what your orgasm is like. Have fun!

munky23

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Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 130

Posted: 03-27-06 16:07pm


Don't you girls see anything wrong with him wanting to break up with me over that??? I'm so hurt more than anything. And I told him i'm less likely to orgasm now because there is pressure.

erogers33

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Joined: 09 Jan 2006
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Location: Littleton, CO

Posted: 03-27-06 17:02pm


Sorry to be blunt, but your boyfriend is being a complete @$$. I would dump him if I were you. There is absolutely no reason for him to dump you because you can't have an orgasm during sex. Most females can't. It sounds like this guy has some serious growing up to do. Don't let him make you feel like crap - you deserve better!

munky23

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Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 130

Posted: 03-27-06 18:50pm


Thank you erogers33 you understand! I can't believe people are giving me orgasming advice. How could a guy say that? Especially for what he says is a "perfect" relationship and i'm the best thing he ever found. Lies :( :(

Morning_Glory

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Joined: 10 Mar 2006
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Location: NE Ohio

Posted: 03-27-06 20:33pm


Your getting orgasm advice because we thought thats what you were looking for. You posted this under sexual health not one of the relationship forums. I'd kick him to the curb too.

Ingi

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Posted: 03-27-06 20:38pm


Um, I think I gave you 'other' advice too. It just seemed that wasn't what you were looking for. If it were me, I wouldn't be with anyone who made me feel bad or guilty about my sexuality. But, hey, don't take that the wrong way.

lsipes

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Joined: 15 Jan 2006
Posts: 325

Posted: 03-27-06 21:29pm

munky23 wrote:

thank you erogers33
you understand!

I can't believe people are giving me orgasming advice.
How could a guy say that?

Especially for what he says is a "perfect" relationship and i'm the best thing he ever found.
Lies :( :(

people are giving your oragsm advice because you posted this in the women's sexual health forum. If you wanted relationship advice, you could've posted it there. However, I think you've gotten good advice on both aspects.
Your bf is being a jerk and putting unrealistic expectations on you, and unrealistic stipulations on your relationship. If someone loves you, they love everything about you. He shouldn't demand that you orgasm. He should do everything in his power to make you enjoy it as much as possible since you *cant* orgasm.
I'd dump his ass. I know you care about him but is there a possibility this whole orgasm issue could be a signal to a much bigger problem that he's unwilling to bring up?

penelope67

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Joined: 02 Jan 2006
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Location: NH

Posted: 03-28-06 09:56am


This is definitely a problem with him and his insecurities. If you want this relationship to work, you must understand that everyone is the way they are for a reason. Yes, what he said was unfair and not understanding whatsoever. So whats the solution? Get him to understand. Tell him it is a known fact that 31% of females can orgasm by intercourse alone. The girls out of the other 69% that want an orgasm have to work for it. Reaching orgasm is very psychological, and if the reason you cant is because he doesnt turn you on, and you are trying for one, then thats psychological. If you know that you want an orgasm and you arent trying for it, then thats physical, and something you need to evaluate the importance of. Having an orgasm is a huge self-esteem booster for your partner, and to be honest, I know it would bother me if my boyfriend couldn't get off with me. I know we would never have worked out this long if that was the case. Of course it's different for guys and girls, but guys are the last ones to realize that in my experience. He just doesnt know how to deal with this, because it feels like a smack in the face to him, and he wants to fix it somehow, so thats probably why he said what he said. Of course i'm not saying that it was right, because it was very insensitive, and given my boyfriends personality, I would be pissed if he said that. But you have to take other things into account, because everyone is different. For example, there are certain things I would break up with my boyfriend for. For example, I could say I would break up with him if he cant show me the affection that I need, because I can not be satisfied in a relationship where I am not shown affection. It is very important to me. Apply that to your boyfriend-it must be very important to him that you have an orgasm, because he needs that self esteem and he probably assumes that every girl wants an orgasm every time like most men. When me and my boyfriend were first together, I remember how confused he was when I didnt orgasm during sex, because that is the whole point of having sex for a guy. Guys dont understand that it can feel amazing to have sex and just relax and not try to have an orgasm, because they arent like us. I had to sit down and explain all this to my boyfriend and that I didnt want him to feel bad or self-conscious if I dont have an orgasm, because sometimes, thats not what its all about for a girl. He totally understood after that talk and it has never ever been a problem. If we're having sex and I dont feel like having an orgasm, I tell him to go ahead. But if I do, I demand he wait for me-even if it be for a very long time. My problem used to be that it would take me forever and so I never wanted to bother. But now I see the light and I hope I shed some of it on your situation. I hope I didnt give you advice you werent looking for, but its no bulls***. I hope I helped :)

munky23

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Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 130

Posted: 03-28-06 11:49am


Thanks penelope that was the best advice i've gotten. At first I was really hurt because I thought he didn't care about me but I realize now (and with your help) the whole scope of the issue. I guess him and I will just have to have a talk and try different positions and different things to work it out. I'm pretty sure he said it out of frustration, not meaning to hurt me but to tell me that it was important to him. Thanks for the advice

penelope67

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Joined: 02 Jan 2006
Posts: 114
Location: NH

Posted: 03-28-06 13:16pm


Oh you are so welcome. I think my easiest way to achieve orgasm is to do it doggie style because it really turns me on-then it really makes me want to touch myself, and once I feel I am almost there, I get on my back, because I think it feels much better that way. Try it. Also a vibrator is a great way to start off, because you can relax and enjoy and once you are really turned on turn off the vibrator and finish yourself, because then you will want to. Good luck with this relationship and just know that whatever happens, it will happen for a reason and will only make you two learn from each other. Whatever you do, don't fake it, because if this turns into a long-term relationship, you better bet it will make you feel really guilty about not being honest with him, because if you think about it, faking an orgasm is a form of lying and deception, and I think we all know that is not a good thing in a relationship.