Can Some One Please Give Me Some Insight? Posted: 04-07-06 23:30pm
I've had chronic depression and anxiety
since I was around 7yrs old (i'm 22 now).
Most of the time I can manage it on my own
as well as the eating disorders I used to
have.
Then in a freak accident at work a horse
spooked and ran into my face, resulting in
a concussion, spinal injury, deviated
septum and a possible broken nose. This
happened over 2mos ago, and at first I
could handle it okay, but then as the
weeks go on it gets harder and harder for
me to keep it together. The neurologist
says I have post concussion syndrome so I
still get the dizziness, migraines etc
from the head trauma.
The thing that is really bothering me is
the appearance of my nose, it's not major,
but it is there, and since this is a
workers comp case they try to write me off
asap. The walk in clinic I had to go to
the day of incident didn't care. I just
feel so helpless. I mean I had a hard
enough time keeping myself level mentally
before, and now i'm stressed about all
this stuff and sometimes I just feel so
over whelmed that I want to hit or scratch
myself for some release of the feelings.
Now I sound crazy :(
since my head injury i've contemplated
suicide many times, I feel helpless and
worthless and since i'm not allowed to
drive I pretty much don't have a life
anymore. And as stupid as it is I hate my
nose now and that really upsets me.
I hate these feelings and I hate the way
they make me want to act/do things that a
"normal" person would never do. :(
i hope someone replies to this..
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 04-08-06 05:52am
You may think you can handle it on your
own christa, but there's times when a
professional comes in handy. This person
is there to help direct you and get to
your really feelings. With all the
troubles you currently have, I doubt
fixing your nose is the total solution.
Look deeper and don't be scared to reach
out for help. :)
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christa84
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2006 Posts: 61 Location: FL
Posted: 04-08-06 15:54pm
Thanks for replying, I didn't mention that
my neurologist had referred me to a
psychiatrist for the overwhelming feelings
I was having. My workers comp set it up
and they were understanding about it.
However, the dr that they sent me to
seemed to think it was his job to prove I
was a liar, and acted like everything I
told him was made up. He acted like I was
trying to self diagnose myself, when I
never did, and I ended up leaving his
office in tears feeling 10 times worse.
It's not that I think it will fix
everything getting my nose fixed, but at
least when I used to feel like crap about
myself as a person, and my body, I could
say oh well, at least I have a decent
looking face. Now I don't even have that.
To top it off, my meds make me gain
weight, so more and more I want to hop
back into the .E.D. Habits. :\
the neurologist has me on muscle
relaxants, migraine meds etc, and 50mg of
elavil, it perked me up abit after the
first 2wks, but now it doesn't do much
other than help me fall asleep at night.
It's not like I was all rainbows and
smiles before, since every relationship
i've had w/ a guy, other than my dad, has
been abusive. I had next to no self
esteem already, I don't understand why
.God would do this to me when .He knew I
was already struggling to be "normal" or
at least appear normal to everyone else.
:(
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Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 04-09-06 06:23am
Don't get the psychiatrist through comp,
big boo boo, they have their own hidden
agenda...As you found out. Seek one on
your own, one who you can relate to...And
get comp to pay for them.
Your right about the nose....Every little
thing that makes us feel good about
ourselves should be considered. If your
laid up for the time being consider
surrounding yourself with things that make
you feel good about yourself.....At one of
my low points I made a "wish poster", cut
pics from mags, things I really
wanted....House, credit card, job, man,
serenity etc., looked at it every day...To
inspire me.....And I got everything on
that poster...Save peace of mind and
serenity...Working on those.
Meds aren't the only solution, also
consider doing a total round about
concerning nutrition, eat properly and try
out supplements.
Since you have a lousy track record for
picking men, also consider letting someone
you trust pick one for you.....But really
you should probably be more concerned, at
this moment, at least in repairing
yourself. :)
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tony3595
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 68 Location: IL
Posted: 04-09-06 11:09am
Christa, I have to admit spirit gies some
very healthy advise. I sought
professional help before when I was in an
abusive marriage. It took me a few visits
to different ones to finally find one who
I could be comfortable and honest with.
Self-esteem? I had none. She drained it
all from me. I took advise, like spirit
gave by surrounding yourself with what
makes you feel good. The more good you
have with you, the better you feel. I
carried a picture of my children who
always made me feel good. One of my
co-workers had a picture of his cat.
Anything that works for you.
The main thing to remember is that you are
a great person and have people around that
care very much about you. I have a big
nose as a result of an accident, but I
love my nose because it is a part of me.
It took me a long time to realize, I come
in one package, nose and all.
Please keep us informed of how things are
going. Like I said, there are people who
care.
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christa84
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2006 Posts: 61 Location: FL
Posted: 04-09-06 15:43pm
Thanks to the both of you for the advice,
I really do appreciate it.
I made a point of taking care of myself
yesterday (showering,getting dressed other
than just pjs, etc) since I noticed that I
really haven't felt like putting any
effort into me.. I felt kind of better
after that. I think maybe if I make more
of an effort to put myself together and
have my friend (who I haven't seen in over
a month) drive me to get coffee, or just
getting out of the house I might feel like
I have more of a purpose. Or at least i'm
hoping that will do the job :-p
thanks again,
christa
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tony3595
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 68 Location: IL
Posted: 04-10-06 04:58am
Christa, this is the first step to getting
better. Congratulations! Have you gone
out yet? How did it go? Getting ready
and dressed and getting out is great.
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quicksilver024
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006 Posts: 35
Posted: 04-10-06 07:57am
Yeah, after having depression on and off
for so long, I found getting out was one
of the only ways to make sure I didnt just
mope around all day. Even if I leave my
house to go two block away to get a
coffee, I feel 10x better.
If I dont do that, I end up not getting
dressed, not really waking up and not
realizing that everyone else in town is
out getting things done. Which leads to
me doing absolutely nothing all day.
Getting out, even for 5 minutes can be a
great way to get moving and personally I
think it should be part of the treatment
process in most cases.
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tony3595
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 68 Location: IL
Posted: 04-10-06 10:00am
When I feel down and out, I get in the
shower, get dressed, and get out. It
seems like a little walk like quicksiler
said puts me in a better mood. I use my
imagination to create someone in my mind
that I have always wanted to be, like a
famous artist out for a stroll to use in
my next creation.
I know that reality has to set in at some
point, but during those few minutes or
hours, I have a purpose and I have a focus
point, not on my depression or anxiety. I
feel good about myself for that amount of
time.
When reality does come back, I find it
easier to look at what is facing me with a
better frame of mind. If I don't, I try
it again until I do.
I am not running away from the reason for
my dpression, I am trying to be able to
face it in a better viewpoint.
Let's keep talking.
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christa84
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2006 Posts: 61 Location: FL
Posted: 04-10-06 14:02pm
tony3595
wrote:
christa, this is the first
step to getting better. Congratulations!
Have you gone out yet? How did it go?
Getting ready and dressed and getting out
is great.
yeah, I got out for a bit, i'm not
supposed to drive right now, but my friend
was busy w/ her bf, and my bf was busy
with his friends, so I was like screw it.
I just stopped by the atm, went to the gas
station, and stopped by the pharmacy. It
wasn't much, but it made me feel abit
better inside, even though I had a raging
migraine that didn't start until I got
back home. At least I felt like I had
accomplished something, with out having to
depend on people like i've had to for the
past 2mos. There have been times in that
time span where I hadn't been out of the
house in 2wks.
I think i'm going to try to have coffee
with my friend today. I think that would
make me feel more human than just stopping
by at places and not really talking to
anyone.
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christa84
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2006 Posts: 61 Location: FL
Posted: 04-10-06 14:11pm
quicksilver024
wrote:
yeah, after having
depression on and off for so long, I found
getting out was one of the only ways to
make sure I didnt just mope around all
day. Even if I leave my house to go two
block away to get a coffee, I feel 10x
better.
If I dont do that, I end up not getting
dressed, not really waking up and not
realizing that everyone else in town is
out getting things done. Which leads to
me doing absolutely nothing all day.
Getting out, even for 5 minutes can be a
great way to get moving and personally I
think it should be part of the treatment
process in most
cases.
last time I was seeing a doctor for
depression and anxiety all he really did
was medicate me, he had me on welbutrin xl
2x daily, and zoloft. I was embarassed
about seeing one, mainly because he was
seeing me probono.. So I was like "great,
I must really be screwed up if he's giving
me free meds and appointments". That and
I felt like I must be a "weak" person for
needed medication, my person of an
exhusband drilled that into my head.
Actually, I should be getting ready right
now instead of sitting here infront of the
computer :-p
well, I hope everyones having a semi
productive day today, or at least feeling
a bit better.
<3
christa
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no dice
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2006 Posts: 7 Location: above all
Wateva Posted: 04-10-06 19:03pm
[message removed]
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christa84
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2006 Posts: 61 Location: FL
Re: Wateva Posted: 04-10-06 21:23pm
no dice
wrote:
[message
removed]
wow.. You are one/or many messed up
individual/s.
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tony3595
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 68 Location: IL
Posted: 04-10-06 21:57pm
Christa, you know there are people out
there that only care about themselves, and
think the world revolves around them.
Well, my dear, thank the dear lord that
they only appear once in a while.
You are making progress. Every step that
is taken is a giant step toward success.
Just be careful not only endangering
yourself, but the safety of others. It
all worked out well, though.
Your relationship with your husband is a
little interesting and a little
concerning. He makes fun of you and feels
any type of help is a waste of time and
money? He degrades you for your feelings?
I'm just interested to know who does give
you support to help you? I think I am in
augh. My mouth just hit the desk.
If you want to protect him for yourself,
fine. I understand. I do not want to
pry, but if you want to talk anything
specific, let me know.
|
christa84
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2006 Posts: 61 Location: FL
Posted: 04-10-06 23:19pm
tony3595
wrote:
your relationship with your husband is a
little interesting and a little
concerning. He makes fun of you and
feels any type of help is a waste of time
and money? He degrades you for your
feelings? I'm just interested to know
who does give you support to help you? I
think I am in augh. My mouth just hit
the desk.
If you want to protect him for yourself,
fine. I understand. I do not want to
pry, but if you want to talk anything
specific, let me
know.
the driving was kind of difficult for me,
but I was very cautious. If it
weren't for the fact I can put down the
top of my car (no blind spots), I wouldn't
have attempted it.
I left my husband over 4yrs ago, his
impact unfortunately, on my mind hasn't
gone away. He was abusive in every sense
of the word. For the year and a half that
I lived with him it was pretty much a
living hell. I don't mind telling the
details there, if you want to know, pm me.
I don't want to make myself canon fodder
for a jerk like no dice.
My current bf didn't really help any in
getting over that, but I guess that's my
own fault for thinking I could trust
someone new.
Basically, since I was 15 my life has been
retarded enough to be compared to a soap
opera. Haha.
Anyways if you want to know anything feel
free to pm me about it. I am an open
book.
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