Ok, so I met this beautiful girl during a
competition about a month ago and I
thought we really clicked. I'm pretty
short (like 5' 4") and she’s even
shorter than me (like 5' 0") which makes
me a bit more confident I guess. We have
a lot in common and have been talking for
a while. I thought there might have been
a chance to maybe date her but I was
trying to establish a friendship first.
She lives about 45 minutes from me and I
used to go and watch her games all the
time and talk with her as much as
possible. However, I began talking to he
ex-boyfriend (who is a good friend of
mine) and apparently she is seeing someone
else already. But the kid she’s seeing
treats her like crap (and according to her
ex, i’m better looking than he is) yet
she doesn’t break up with him. So a
few nights ago, i’m talking to her ex
and he says "hey, i’m talking with her
right now, what do you want to know?" so I
said I wanted him to kind of see what she
thinks about me. He said that she said
she’s not interested because 1.
She’s with someone right now and 2.
I’m going off to college and she’s a
junior in high school. Long story short,
he told her a lot of things that he
shouldn’t have and now she doesn’t
want me to come to all her games anymore
and she was going to go to prom with me
(even though she was seeing someone else)
but now she doesn’t want to. She told
me herself that if she wasn’t seeing
anyone, the only reason she wouldn’t be
interested was because I was going to
college. However, she said she still
wants to be friends and that things can go
back to almost normal now that we both are
on the same page. Things are so much
different now though, we hardly talk
anymore and when we do, it almost feels
strained. It just kills me because I
really like her and I feel like I
destroyed our relationship. What can I
do to get her to change her mind?
*edit* she’s also leaving for florida
for softball tomorrow at 6pm. I asked her
if she had any free time so we could hang
out before she left and she said she had a
lot of stuff to do. (i don’t think
she’s lying, she’s missing a lot of
work while she’s gone). But here’s
the thing, I want to leave her something
on her car or something while she’s at
work. Is this a good idea and if so, what
should I leave. And one more thing, we
will be at the same competition together
son and she is celebrating her b-day and I
am invited. I want to get her something
but I don’t know what. She’s a big
car fan (so am i) and she loves subaru
sti's and I was wondering whether it would
be a good idea to get her like a big die
cast model of one since she told me how
much she loves them and wants one? (like
the pre-assembled ones you can buy at
sharper image and other places) I don’t
want to get her something that her bf
should be getting her but I want to get
her something that will make her think of
me when she sees it.
|
ryan1987
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Mar 2006 Posts: 11
Posted: 04-15-06 11:41am
First of all man, you gotta respect the
fact she is in a relationship where she
may be happy, and if that the case you
gota just continue the friendship like
your ok with that, when you do spend time
with her dont force talk about getting
together or of any relationship, apply the
pirncapal pleasure not pressure, ok.
Second of all, if this girl does really
like you let her realize it, dont try and
force her to because it only reciprocates
as pressure, get on with your life man,
let her see that u dont need her,( even if
you do ) then in time give her a phone,
but make sure every time u talk to her you
end the convo, this will show you as being
a person who has stuff to do, and someone
who isnt dependent upon her, then back
of again for a few weeks, keep it going
giving her like hot and cold flushes.
Keep applying this princapal and it might
work,
and do not buy her something that major
for her birthday,
reason 1, if I was her bf and sum dude
was getting her a big ass expensive
present, I would question the fool. Lol
reason2, she will be wondering why the
hell ur spending so much money on just a
friend, that way she will lose respect for
you and feel that ur desperate,
human nature, to want what you cant
have, so act unavailable, if she wnts to
meet up say ul be busy and things, trust
me.
|
Srkasner88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Apr 2006 Posts: 4
Posted: 04-17-06 13:35pm
Ok, thanks for the advice. I've been
talking to her a lot more not and things
finally seem like they're going back to
normal. She said that I can still come to
her games and that prom is a possibility.
I'm thankful that she’s not just cuttin
me off completely but i’m not really
ready to give up on her. I like your idea
about making myself seem unavailable, I
think i’m gonna try that. But I do
kinda need an idea on what I should get
her for her b-day. I know it can’t be
too expensive or anything but I want to
get her something not necessarily cheap
but something that makes her think of me
when she sees it. I found a few of those
model cars that are less expensive (only
like $30) and i’m wondering if that
would work. If you still don’t think
so, what would you recommend?
|
Lalee
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2006 Posts: 991 Location: South Carolina
Posted: 04-17-06 23:38pm
Seriously, coming from a girl, don't push
the relationship. She knows how you feel,
and that's all you can really do. She
probably freaked out on you and told you
to stop coming to her games and that she
didn't want to go to prom because she
didn't want you to get the wrong idea.
I don't want to break your heart or burst
your bubble, but this girl is .J.U.S.T
your friend, and she wants it to stay that
way. At least for now. I can almost
guarantee that the second you start
pushing it and talking about how deeply
you care for her again, she's going to get
really uncomfortable and might call off
the entire friendship.
If you want to pretend like you're
unavailable, that's fine... But please
don't expect to get anything out of it,
cause you don't know it will work. And if
she's happy with her guy, it probably
won't. But don't try to play her, cause
girls aren't as stupid as some guys
think.
As for the birthday present, think of it
this way: how much would you spend on any
other friend? If the answer (honestly,
now) is $25. Then get her something for
$25. Trust me, she'll know if you're
playing favorites.
|
Srkasner88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Apr 2006 Posts: 4
Posted: 04-18-06 14:51pm
True. But she herself didn’t tell me
she didn’t want me to stop coming to her
games. See, the communication between her
to her ex. And between her ex and me got
kind of messed up. Basically, he made
some stuff up for reasons that neither she
nor I know. I’m not really trying to
push the friendship, but I want to make it
clear that I do have feelings for her.
It’s kind of weird though, I said
something to her today that I thought
would make her uncomfortable and after I
said it I apologized. And when I did, she
almost got like, upset that I apologized.
She said that I don’t need to apologize
for saying nice things, and that I don’t
make her uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure
she knows that i’m available so I
don’t know if that’ll work. I
don’t know, I guess it just kind of
sucks, because I think she'd be interested
in me if 1. She wasn’t seeing someone
else or 2. I wasn’t graduating this
year. I don’t have a problem being
friends with her but if given the
opportunity, id really like to have a more
serious relationship. I don’t know
though, if you felt fairly strongly about
not seeing anyone that was going off to
college before you were, what would it
take to change your mind?
|
Srkasner88
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Apr 2006 Posts: 4
Posted: 05-02-06 17:04pm
Ok, so I thought i’d put up a
semi-update. Our friendship has gotten
way better since a few weeks ago and we've
been talking a lot. Basically, she dumped
her other boyfriend but is not yet ready
to start dating again because she has a
lot on her mind. From what she tells me,
she needs to get a few things worked out
first. She really needs to get things
straightened out with her ex (the one i've
been talking to, not the recent one)
because they've been fighting a lot
recently and she really doesn’t want him
to go to college on a bad note. This is
pretty understandable because they were
pretty good friends. The other and more
important reason is because she needs to
determine what she really wants. She came
out and told me that she is not interested
in a relationship with me at this point.
This is because she’s not sure what she
wants. And for that matter, she isn’t
really interested in dating anyone else at
this point either; she just needs to get
her head straight. I’m really trying to
be the best friend I can be to her and imp
trying to get her over her real worries
about dating someone going to college.
Anyone have any advice on anything else I
should do it or how I can go about making
myself look like even more of what she’s
looking for? She didn’t give me any
specifics as to what she’s looking for
but that’s because she doesn’t even
know herself. Is there anything I should
try to see if it has an effect?
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 05-02-06 21:27pm
You seem more worried about her wants and
needs....What about your wants and needs?
No offense but your not even going out yet
and I can already tell whose wearing the
pants.
Your letting her run the show tooo
much....Don't be surprised if you remain
the "good friend" and that's it. :)
