I need serious help!!! I have a 3 year
old daughter who is having trouble taking
"no" for an answer. If I say no to her,
she gets so angry and starts to throw
things and bangs her head against doors
and the ground. I realize kids do these
kinds of things to get the parent to give
in and say yes. Situations like this for
example cause a major issue with us. She
wants to go to her cousins house and play
and I tell her they aren't home, she gets
really angry and starts screaming and
throwing things at me and telling me they
are home and that she wants to go now! I
get so upset and stressed. The other
night I told her she could only play with
one box of play doh and she threw a huge
fit and started the throwing and screaming
at me and just a bigger scene than I could
handle. I need suggestions from other
sinlge parents about what to do?!!!! I
cried for hours the other night after she
went to sleep because I feel like she is
becoming very mean and disrespectful and I
don't want her to be that way. Help!!!!
|
Untimely Blessings
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2004 Posts: 383
Posted: 01-08-04 23:59pm
Hi! I am a single mother myself! My
daughter is now 5 years old but at 3, she
was the same way your daughter is! When
christina lashed out like that, I would
put her in her room shut the door and let
her kick and scream while I cleaned up or
something. I would turn up the music
really loud so that I didn’t have to hear
it, because it is heartbreaking. After
about 2 weeks of punishment she learned
that I wasn’t going to cave and began
throwing fits less often. If she came out
of her room, I would tell her that if she
didn’t go back in there by the count of 3
she would go to her room and hour before
bed and sit in the corner. So she usually
went back to her room. Leave her in there
until she is done throwing fits, then when
she stops screaming, go in there tell her
that you love her, but that her behavior
is not at all acceptable and that’s the
punishment she will receive every time she
throws fits! Good luck!
Kelly
|
Munoz1226
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 130 Location: Tucson
Posted: 01-09-04 01:25am
Kelly-
i so appreciate you replying! I will
definitely try this! It is hard putting
her in the room because for one, yes it is
heart breaking and two she does try and
just come out. I put her back and she
comes right back out again! I give her so
much attention and love and I just feel so
lost right now. My cousin who has 2
children who acted the same way says she
will outgrow it eventually. But in the
meantime I am becoming so discouraged.
Either way, I will absolutely give this a
try and just keep putting her back in the
room until she learns! Thanks a million!
:d
|
Untimely Blessings
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2004 Posts: 383
Posted: 01-09-04 10:40am
Your welcome! Yeah it might take a while
to get it through that she has to sit in
there because christina didn't either and
thats when her bedtime punishment started,
and she hated to sit in the corner. She
would have to sit on this little chair and
stare at the wall and it was so much more
boring for her than to kick and scream on
the floor! Lol good luck with this and I
hope she grows out of it really soon!
Don't get discouraged! Your a good
mother & father!! Not everyone women
can be a single parent and do as good a
job as you!
Kelly
|
shannonwatts
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003 Posts: 46 Location: charlotte, nc
Posted: 01-09-04 11:14am
I am in the same situation and could also
use some advise.
I have a 16 month old. Already at this
age he is throwing tantrums. If I say no
he throws himself on the ground and bangs
his head too. What I have read to do in
a situation like that is to just ignore
them. They're lashing out to get
attention, so don't give them any when
they act like this.
But what i'm having a problem with is when
I say no and pick him up to remove him
from what ever he might be in to, he'll
start hitting me. I don't want him
turning in to a disrespectful kid. If you
have any advise, please help.
|
Munoz1226
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 130 Location: Tucson
Posted: 01-09-04 11:33am
Shannon-
i totally know what you are going through.
My little girl does the same exact thing.
If I pick her up to remove her from the
situation or put her in the car if we are
leaving somewhere and she doesn't want to.
It is so embarrasing. People look at me
like I have no control over my child.
It is a lot easier to let them cry and
throw a fit at home, but when I am out in
public or at a freind's house it is so
much harder! I am here for advice and
kelly gave me some that you too should
read and try! Keep me updated if you find
any other good ideas! Thanks....
leah
|
purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 01-09-04 11:57am
I have 2 kids girl(15) who basically did
as she was told & I thought well I
have seen where I thought friends &
family were getting it wrong, learnt &
i'm doing it "right" then 6 & 1/2
years later I had my son & discovered
how wrong I was (& still am - he's
.
Nevertheless I do believe that being
consistent is really important, kids need
to know where they stand & why, don't
just say "because I say so" explain, tell
them why they can't do something, don't
say you'll take them to the shops/park
whatever & not do it, keep promises or
say up front that you'll take them if the
weather is fine, or if theybehave or
whatever, let them know where they
stand.
Next, if you say it do it, whatever it is,
from a fast food meal to a punishment -
stick to your guns. (i really like the
advice about shutting the child in their
room (take out all toys if need be) then
turn on music loud!! & do something
to occupy yourself till the
screaming/throwing etc stops).
If they start doing all this when you're
out, the best thing is to just pack them
up screams & all & go home. I
know it's awful when you're out &
everyone stares & comments but the
sooner you pack up & go the sooner
you're out from public (or family) comment
& you can just deal with what you have
to deal with.
With the hitting, (now I do happen to
think that within reason smacking is ok,
but not always, each child/situation is
different) & the head banging (which
could cause long term damage depending
what they hit & how often etc) i'd
suggest something that's great if they try
holding their breath - pour a glass of
cold water over them - the shock makes
them breathe & it may also shock themn
out of the head banging/hitting. Another
possible way to handle the hitting
especially, is to sit the child down (at a
time when they'er not doing this!!) &
say if you hit me I will take "then name a
favourite toy" off you for a day, if you
hit me again you'll lose it for a week
& so on. You may have to actually
reach a poiint where you give it away or
throw it out so choose a loved item but
not an expensive one.
All this said & I still do it all
& alot more but my son is a totally
"wild thing" he runs off/takes off/goes
out without permission no matter what I do
& I think i've done it all, still any
& all advice welcome (i have thought
of getting a microchip put in - but I
don't think they do it for kids just
pets!!
)
good luck to us all. I think a parents
main role is to survive being a parent!!
|
shannonwatts
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003 Posts: 46 Location: charlotte, nc
Posted: 01-09-04 12:26pm
Thanks purple333. I love the idea of
pouring water over them (lol), that was
great!!! I may have to try that one.
|
ne-ne
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2003 Posts: 32 Location: PA
Trouble In Posted: 01-09-04 13:01pm
Hey I wanted to say good luck for stick to
your no's you tell her. It is embarassing
walking through the mall when I was with
my daughter and she say I want to see the
puppies. I told her no we have to go,
well she threw herself on the floor and
said now now now. I can give you advice
about this one.
1.You shouldnt care about when you are in
the mall and she throws a fit and you
correct her in front of everybody. If she
think she can throw a fit in the mall and
get away with it thats when you problem
seriously begin.
2. About her banging her head and stuff
like that, you should explain to her if it
hurts dont do it. I pay no attention to
my daughter when she does that stuff.
3. She is not to old for a spanking. I
still spank my daughter. In the bible it
says spare the rod, spoil the child. I
would be giving spankings
hope this helps.
Ne-ne
|
Munoz1226
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 130 Location: Tucson
Posted: 01-09-04 13:26pm
Thanks purple and ne ne....
I have given her spankins and they do not
even faze her anymore. It is starting to
get scary! Lol!! I am going to try the
bedroom trick and the taking away the
favorite toy!
|
purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 01-10-04 10:01am
Munoz,
do consider the cold water too, that
advice was given to a friend of mine who
was having serious behaviour problems with
her daughter by her a pedeatrician!! It
really worked & can be used simply
& easily in many situations. But is
best used when they child is young when
older they tend to think it's fun!!!!
although I did do it to my husband once
when at the end of my tether & he was
about 30 at the time(another story) &
it worked like a dream!!
I don't mean to sound like a cheese face,
but I am a fan of Dr. Phil. That guy
knows kids! Don't play games. Everything
in her world should come to a screaching
halt when she does that. Like if you are
in public, drop everything and go home.
Even if you are at the grocery store with
a cart full of groceries. You might have
to do this a couple of times, and yes it
is a pain in the ass but its better than a
10 year old with tantrums. She has to
know this behavior is unacceptable and you
mean business! I watch Dr. Phil everyday
and my 5 year old son (former tantrum
thrower) sees kids having tantrums on tv
and says "that was me, right mom!" mind
you, he has his days but we are much
closer now than when he threw a fit
everytime I said no. Try other ways of
saying no too. Like, I know you want to
go to so-and-so's now but we will go when
they are home. If she has a fit, tell her
that you won't go at all now. Don't
explain a million times but say it once
and put her in time out. Sorry this is so
long, but I used to cry when he would go
to sleep for the night cause I felt like
we were wasting our days constantly
fighting. Good luck!
|
LightFreeze
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 5 Location: uk
Posted: 01-18-05 15:42pm
And remember once you say no dont give in
or they just learn that tantrums get them
what they want
.
)
