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Single And Hating It

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JessM4283

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Single And Hating It Posted: 05-14-06 22:30pm


So since I was here last, the father, well more like sperm donor, has turned into a evil health questions. We don't talk, because when we do, we argue. He has filled out the paperwork aggreeing to pay child support, but he says the most vindictive and hurtful things all the time. He said that paying for the baby should be all my responsibilty since it was my decision to keep it. (this after he begged me to have an abortion, which I told him I just couldn't bring myself to do.) he feels that he shouldn't have to shoulder any of the responsibility, since he didn't want the baby. He said that he wont be a part of his life, because he doesn't want him to grow up thinking of his dad as hardly ever being around. He constantly leaves me the most random and hurtful messages on my computer, and nearly every word is laced with hatred. He tells me that he thinks I am the most selfish person he has ever met, and that he hopes I die. Now, my question here is, is there anything I can do? I know I can't force him to want to take part in his sons life, and I know I can't change how he thinks. But does anyone have any advice on something, or anything that I can do to make things easier for both of us? I'm due end of july, and i'm affraid he wont even show up the entire time we're in the hospital.

maggiek

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Talk Posted: 05-14-06 23:48pm


Set up a meeting with him if you can, in a mutual place in public like a coffee shop. This way thing do tend to be a little more civilized. Talk about how you are feeling and that you do want him to be a part of the baby's life. Tell him that it would be impossible to keep things the way they are. He may feel differently one the baby is born, but then again he may not. It is a difficult situation that you are in, but you don't deserve to be hounded and called hateful names. It takes 2 to make a baby and he should realize this, that you were both there at conception. Some men do not understand how difficult it is to be pregnant, I hope that he sees sense, in retrospect he would be paying for a baby that he will never see if he continues to act like he does. It would be in his best interests to keep contact and to try and keep thing civilized. Once the baby is born and still no progress, he continues to be disrespectful to you, I suggest for the baby's best interest you should leave him well alone. There is nothing worse that a child having to listen to abusive language and his/her parents arguing, it is painful. Maggie

kissofangel20

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Posted: 05-15-06 08:06am


Honey if he is hateful now he is prob. Going to resent you the rest of his life. I say just take the child support and write down everything he says to you or sends to you dates and times. And just stay away from him...You don't need that kind of stuff in yours or your babies life.

zamboni_kate

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Posted: 06-13-06 10:31am


Sure he says that he shoudlnt' have to shoulder the responsiblity since he didn't want it - but frankly, he wasn't forced to have sex with you, so he has to take responsibility for the part that he played in it. After all, it's a possible side effect of sex right? No matter how careful you are, there is only one sure-fire way to avoid pregnancy. I would meet with him - perhaps with a third party present to keep things on the cool side (maybe your best friend, sister, family member, etc... Probably a woman would be better, in my experience a man might not like what he has to say and you wouldnt' want it to get violent). At least if nothing else, you have a witness to his stupidity. I would suggest just telling him that it's his choice to be part of this child's life. You can't force him, and I think you know that. By law he has to pay for that child since he helped create it. So take the money, use it to raise your child and when the baby asks about their father, be honest. Don't be hurtful, but tell the child that their father has been helping with money to buy clothes, food, toys, etc, but wasn't ready to be a father. Maybe one day he'll come around - if not, think of it this way - even if he is an ass, he did do one great thing, he gave you a child that you will love forever. Sorry you are having such trouble with this.

JessM4283

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Posted: 06-13-06 22:14pm


Well, since that last post, he did mail me back the paperwork stating that he will pay child support, with his parts filled in. We haven't talked practically at all since then either. We argued a bit one day, but that's about it. That's our usual though anyway. We don't talk - we argue. He said that if need be, he will come to the hospital and sign the birth certificate, and he said he will sign whatever other paperwork that comes up, but he doesn't want to see me, and I have a feeling he won't come meet his son either. As far as i'm concerned - i'm done playing nice in the sandbox. I got the paperwork, and I got an aggreement from him to do the right thing paperwork wise, therefore i'm done kissing ass and trying to make nice all the time with him. I'm not going into health forum mode either, but i'm not going to go way out of my way just to appease him either. And yeah, bottom line, I am getting the better part of the deal: my son. He's my first thought every morning, and my last thought every night. He typically is in every dream, filling it with excitment, and I can't wait to meet him! I'm due july 31st. Just around the corner!! I can't wait to see what my little man will look like, how big he will be, how much he'll weigh, how his hair will look, the color of his eyes (even though they're all born with either brown or bluw eyes, lol), how he will smell, the way he'll feel in my arms when he sleeps, the little sounds he'll make... All of that. I get more and more excited as each day passes, and now that it's getting closer, I can harly wait!!!! :wink:

preciouschild

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Good Job Posted: 12-04-07 22:21pm


good job jess, great on saving a child, you won't regret it. There are places that can help out, birthright or advicenaid are two of many great places. Check out their websites...Congratulations--you won't regret!!! preciouschild

preciouschild

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Good Job Posted: 12-04-07 22:21pm


good job jess, great on saving a child, you won't regret it. There are places that can help out, birthright or advicenaid are two of many great places. Check out their websites...Congratulations--you won't regret!!! preciouschild

preciouschild

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Good Job Posted: 12-04-07 22:22pm


good job jess, great on saving a child, you won't regret it. There are places that can help out, birthright or advicenaid are two of many great places. Check out their websites...Congratulations--you won't regret!!! preciouschild

Doom

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Posted: 12-05-07 00:39am


preciouschild, this thread isnt about abortion. And the fact that you triple posted? anywho. I aggree with pretty much everyone here. Record your conversations (if you can) Save up all the data and when you guys meet make sure its allways in a public place with people around.