Ok I found out last friday that my
girlfriend is pregnant with my child. It
was though carelessness on both our parts
and was not planned at all. I am
currently 25 and she is 20.
She wants to get an abortion and already
has schduled an appointment for this
wedsday(2 days from now) and while I am
pro-choice I have never been faced with
this before. It is a different thing I
have found talking the talk and walking
the walk if that makes any sense to
anyone. I honestly find myself with a
deep sense of guilt and shame of her
getting an abortion. I am finding myself
with conflicting thoughts and I cannot
make heads or tails of what to do.
First off we both come from fairly wealthy
familys and we do indeed love each other
very dearly and are talking about
marriage. However, she says she does not
want to be a mother yet and that she is
too young and that we wouldn't be able to
support the child. I find myself really
not wanting to kill something that could
be the best of both of us and I don't know
how to tell her how I feel about this. I
know she wants to do this and I doubt she
would change her mind though I want to at
least try and talk to her about it but I
don't know how and I don't have a whole
lot of time.
While I agree we both are not in a
possition to take care of a child
financially, because a child is mucho $$$
and time. However, I am willing to do it
and honestly I want to. But I don't
know.
I feel as this moment will forever haunt
my life with a sad memory of what could
have been and it makes me break down and
cry. I have prayed to god and I have
talked it through in my own mind.
Most of our family members don't know. My
mother does on my side, and none on
hers.
I just feel so lost and I need some
guidance, be it good or bad. I just need
someone to talk to really. Thanks
everyone!
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amino65
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2006 Posts: 261
Thanks: 7
Thanked:3
Posted: 05-16-06 01:14am
I commend you on at least wanting to talk
her out of it. You should try to have her
see your point of view, it is your child
also, not just hers. I can tell you care
for her, and already for your child. You
sound like an intelligent man, so I am
going to assume you are in school, and at
the age of 25 almost done? You could
reassure your gf that you will help with
the child, and that she does not have to
go it alone. If she still doesn't want to
keep the child, consider adoption. I
understand completely about talking the
talk and walking the walk. But adoption
would put ur mind at better ease then
abortion, I think.
Wishing you the best.
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Nadine2006
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Apr 2006 Posts: 240 Location: australia
Posted: 05-16-06 01:15am
I agree with sandralynn, you need to sit
down with her and tell how how you feel
sure it is her decision mostly in the end
but if she knew how you truly feel it may
make her think else also, sit down and
talk bout it though, best thing you can do
:)
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Elazul
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 3
Posted: 05-16-06 02:03am
shasta205
wrote:
i commend you on at least
wanting to talk her out of it. You
should try to have her see your point of
view, it is your child also, not just
hers. I can tell you care for her, and
already for your child. You sound like
an intelligent man, so I am going to
assume you are in school, and at the age
of 25 almost done? You could reassure
your gf that you will help with the child,
and that she does not have to go it alone.
If she still doesn't want to keep the
child, consider adoption. I understand
completely about talking the talk and
walking the walk. But adoption would put
ur mind at better ease then abortion, I
think.
Wishing you the
best.
i am planning on talking to her tommorow
about this.
I can understand why she would honestly
want an abortion(money, time, ect ect,
however I can afford to help her), but I
don't see how she could bear the guilt of
killing something that is your own flesh
and blood :(
adoption I have a feeling would be out for
her. She has already told me she doesn't
want to do it because of the fact that if
she goes through all 9 months she doesn't
want to go and give it up she would want
it to be hers. I have a serious thought
that its because of her family. Mine and
hers family pretty much hate each other
and have for.... Oohhh quite some time.
I met her a year and a half ago at a party
a friend of mine was hosting and we just
kinda hit it off and have been great ever
since.
Her mother is seriously someone I would
consider a demon of hell lol. She has
made mine and her life miserable since we
found out our parents have a past history
with each other and hate each others guts
and have for many years.
It is my current belife that she is afraid
of her family finding out and she is
afraid of going through all that. I don't
know how I can tell her that I *will* be
there for her. She has seriously not had
what I would call a good history of people
who have been close with her before me.
I just don't understand. She has told me
that now isn't the time. She wants to
wait for a few more years. She told me
she wants to have my child, but not right
now. I can understand really the reasons,
but for some reason they just don't seem
to make me want to care right now. I just
want my baby to stay alive :(. I can
understand she wants to finish college, I
just finished. I have a good job now and
can afford things like health care and day
care now. I said before that my mother
knows. She is also with me on this one.
She told me that she would be willing to
be free day care. She took care of me for
years so I figured she would be good
enough for my kid too.
I just really don't know how to change her
mind. I don't know if I am wrong or if
she is wrong or if we both are. Hell I
would be willing to sign a document and
take full responsibility of the kid myself
and raise it on my own as a single dad. I
just don't know how to tell her this.
Thanks for listening everyone.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I am so
upset right now I have started drinking :(
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erinjacob
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2006 Posts: 219 Location: australia
Jess Posted: 05-16-06 02:22am
How far along is she an I think you are
makin the right decision but only if she
has thought it through properly adoption
is harder to do not evryone can do it I
think you should voice your opinions but
in the end she will make the dicision just
be there for her
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Elazul
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 3
Re: Jess Posted: 05-16-06 02:36am
erinjacob
wrote:
how far along is she an I
think you are makin the right decision but
only if she has thought it through
properly adoption is harder to do not
evryone can do it I think you should voice
your opinions but in the end she will make
the dicision just be there for
her
she is between 7-10 weeks into the
pregnancy. Not far comparitively, but as
soon as she found out she went and
scheduled an appointment before her
brother's wedding she has to go to this
weekend. She is experiencing morning
sickness and general all around naseua all
the time now and has gained a slight
amount of weight from what I can tell.
She isn't showing or anything though,
though honestly I have no idea when that
is supposed to happen.
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