What Seems to Be the Problem Here?

"he's been perscribed to adderall for the past fourteen years" - what does this mean? Is this medication?

Well, you need to get some sense out of him. If this isn't something you've discussed at length, you really need to.

This may actually be something that's bothering him, too but he doesn't know how to approach you about it. Guys can be like that. And then once you get into the habit of not tackling a problem, there's the snowball effect... It gets worse, and it gets harder to bring it up.

I cant really give you any answers, what you really need to do is talk to him - communicate. When there's problems with me and my boyfriend, no matter how sensitive, it always does the world of good talking about them. You're clearly frustrated and confused. Tell him this. Tell him how things look from your perspective, and how it makes you feel, and encourage him to share his thoughts on the matter.

Thanks, but i've even talked to him at length about this. And I was even nice to him about it, too--it wasn't a shouting match. He's been perscribed adderall for the past fourteen years...Adderall is a medication that helps people who have attention deficit disorder. If a man takes it, it makes his penis...Well, shrivel to say the least and his sex drive goes down. I would say that this is the definite problem, but he doesn't take the medication every day like he did when he was a child. He only takes them when he needs to concentrate on homework, so maybe about one or two per week. I don't think he has a problem getting aroused, because like I said, he has no problem masturbating to his videos two to three times per week. And when we do start fooling around to have sex, he is aroused right away.
I've asked him honestly if it was a problem with my physical appearance (he always compliments my looks though), if our sex was getting too routine, if we need to try anything different but he insists that these aren't the problems. I asked him if he was cheating on me and he said no. I don't have reason to be suspicious of that because he has never given me any reason whatsoever to be suspicious...And he's not a sneaky guy.
When we do have sex, it is great and he orgasms every time. I even do a lot of the work which he seems to like. When I ask him why we hardly ever have sex (well, it seems like its hardly ever to me), he takes it as a personal attack even though I try to console him that i'm not out to get him...I just want to know what is wrong. This is my first serious relationship and I want it to be my only serious relationship ever as does he...But I think sex is a very important part to any relationship and we are lacking in this department.

I see..... This is a bit of a puzzler.

Perhaps his masturbation is simply a habitual thing - most people see masturbation as totally different to sexual activity. So the part of him that compels him to jerk off is different to the part of him that craves sex. What I mean is, some people masturbate just as a sort of compulsive thing, when they're bored, or when they cant sleep. Does that make any sense? So I wouldnt necessarily think it's offensive that he does this, but the fact that he would do this before he thinks to make love to you is strange. Especially if the sex is good, as you say.

I can see completely why this is a cause for concern for you. In fact i'm surprised he's this open with you about the use of porn. And I can see why you would be offended. It's sort of like shoving it in your face - "these women get me off, but you don't", or something. But trust, me im not suggesting this is the case. I dont believe it is. At all. If anything this is probably a psychological thing. Thing is, to be in the mood for sex you have to be in a certain frame of mind. Is he under stress? Is he in any way unhappy? Maybe he does in fact have a problem with low sex drive. If it's like he says and the medication is affecting him then it would be worth a trip to the doctors to see about what can be done about it. But it goes without saying you'd have to be diplomatic about it. It sounds to me to be a problem with low libido. Maybe there are herbal suppliments that can help with this. Even small lifestyle changes. But to sort it out, you need to know 100% what's behind it.

Perhaps he doesnt realise how much it bothers you. And to come to the forum about it, it must really bother you :(

Or perhaps he is gay and just doesn't want to admit it yet? Lots of gay men have married and had children before they admitted they were gay. Now i'm not saying he is...I'm just throwing it out there.

Hummm...Considering the garbage he jerks off to, he's definitely not gay...And you're right it does seem as if he's throwing it in my face. I don't think that is intentional though, he's not the brightest crayon in the box. It really hurts, but I know for a fact that i'm not unattractive (i went to the bar last night and I had dudes putting their arms around me after I made it abundantly clear that I have a boyfriend).
At any rate, it must just be a psychological thing and my boyfriend is not one to admit his shortcomings, that's for sure. He would never agree to see a doctor about this problem. I wish I could get a little more advice; someone to shove me in the right direction. Because, like I said, it's only going to get worse once we move in with his parents. If I told you everything about my relationship, you would probably say to yourself, "wow, why are you dating this loser?" but I do love him. This is just an ongoing problem that is pretty major. And I really have no friends or family I could talk to who would understand this.
For example, I talked to my sister about it and she told me she has sex with her boyfriend maybe only once a week. But she is okay with it and her bf doesn't jerk off nearly as much as my man. So talking to her didn't really help.
My boyfriend can't really be under too much stress right now considering the fact that we're both unemployed. We spend a lot fo time together now, which is nice, but we're still having sex only once a week, if that. I really don't know what's wrong here. : (

Hey, if your getting it once a week, that's good. I get it maybe once or twice a month!!! I've been with my boyfreind for about 3 years, we have two kids together. He likes to watch the porno channel, and masterbate!! That angers me off the most. He can get off, but I can't. I've tried to talk about it to him, he won't listen. He keeps saying it will be better, but it hasn't. I also told him that I would go to a different source(toys), but he just says yeah right. I love him with everything, but it has to change. For me, having sex makes us feel closer. I would be happy if I got it once a week. It just makes me think that he's not attracted to me anymore. It's just frustrating :x

Thanks sherry, i'm glad i'm not the only one in this type of situation. Perhaps your children are getting in the way of your lovemaking. I know that all couples slow down after a while, but it is just frustrating when I ask him if he still thinks i'm attractive (or if I have gotten less attractive since we first started dating. If anything, I think I became more attractive) and he says yes. I asked him if there was anything about my physical appearance that I could change and he says nothing. We decided to get a toy, a vibrator, but now i'm the only one who uses that. He's offended by the fact that I use it because he thinks I get off better with it. So it's not okay for me to use the vibrator but it's perfectly okay for him to jerk off looking at some naked women in a video? >: (

Hey I completely understand. It's not ok for them to get themselves off, and leave us hanging. My boyfriend says, you got a hand, use it pretty much. Which I do, but like I said for me its not just the sex, its feeling close. And I do think that are kids get in the way, but he needs to make time for me, I do everything for him. Why can't he give me one thing I ask for. He really good to me in everyway but sex. Thats the only thing were lacking. And its so frustrating. Sometimes I think about cheating on him, but I love him to much for that. When I do think of that, i'm usually mad at him for not giving me sex. When I do talk to him, he acts like ok, will have sex tonight, he falls asleep around 8 or so, my kids are still up. There has to time for sex. Maybe I gained alittle weight from having kids, my youngest is 9 months old, but i'm not that fat. And i'm trying to lose weight, but it's not working. It's just our relationship thats making me stressed out. And my babies!! He wouldn't even try to bring in a toy for us. I already asked him. He said it wouldn't feel the same. So I don't know. Any suggestions???/

It is okay for a guy to masturbate (because women do too!), I wouldn't care how many times my bf did it if the times we had sex per week were equal or greater to the times he masturbated. It hasn't been like that for a very long time with us! When I ask my bf for sex he will say ok let's do it, but he'll be watching tv all night and I am the one to get sick of waiting and fall asleep. I am like you, I like sex mostly for the intimacy. Its great when I get off, but its not super-important.
Your boyfriend needs to set aside time to spend with you apart from the kids. My boyfriend has no excuse with that. I know the excuse he's going to make once we move in with his parents will be "we can't do it, they might hear us" (this summer is really going to suck). As for your bf not wanting to buy a toy, maybe you should take the initiative. Buy something that isn't too extreme (and you don't have to go to a porn shop, just get one off of the internet), don't tell him that you bought it and just casually bring it out when you start having sex. I don't understand why he would have a big problem with it, but if that ruins your moment then maybe you shouldn't bother again. I feel that sex is very important in a relationship and I wish my boyfriend would feel the same way.
I feel like peggy bundy (peggy: al, let's have sex! Al: no, peg).

I feel like peggy too :d that's why I just stop asking for it. I never had to ask for it, because he's the one who wanted it all the time. Now it's me, and he just seems not to want it. It's the same thing, he works his ass off at work, he leaves like 4:00 am, gets home about 6:00pm, but he just eats, and then goes to sleep. Which I understand, but not on the weekend!! :(

Stress is probably playing an important role in you not getting any. Then on the weekends your bf probably just has other things to do. I know when my boyfriend and I first started dating he was always trying to get in my pants and it took him almost three months to take my virginity. I just wasn't ready yet (and besides he was only 17 and I was 18). Then after that he always asked me, but now I always have to ask him. I want to see how long it would take for him to approach me about it but I could never wait that long! Probably at least three weeks.
I hope that you're not putting yourself down in this situation because it isn't your fault. I hope that you don't feel unattractive just because your bf is too lazy to get in bed with you. I thought that it was my appearance at first but now (for...Some reason) I know that just isn't true. I know it's wrong but I often think of just dumping him. Then the thought of having to start all over with someone new kind of makes me want to retch. I hope I don't end up a career woman because I do actually want children within the next few years!

If I wait for him to approach me, it would take more than a month. Yeah stress does have alot to do with it, but he knows that its hurting our relationship. I really couldn't imagine being with anyone else. And talking just don't so anything. I think he's scared i'll get pregant. Which i'm still on birth control, but not for long. It's made me gain alot of weight. And i'm moody all the time. And he knows i'm quitting the shot, so will just have to use condoms. And thats why hes scared. Because i'll get pregant. I already have three kids, two are form him. I would love to have more kids, because I came from a big family, I have four sisters and four brothers. Alot of nephews, I think theres five and one niece. I

Have you ever tried the pill? I've been on it for I think two years now. It made me gain a little weight at first but not much. My periods are also always right on time and shorter then they've ever been, so that's a good thing. I was on the patch for about a year and that didn't make me gain weight, but my skin dried out where ever I would wear the patch, even if I alternated spots. You should definitely try a different birth control method; I know my man wouldn't want to have to use condoms all the time. I think it's selfish of him, but I suppose it doesn't feel the same at all to a man. There isn't too much difference to me, though i'd rather him not have to wear one. I think it's a shame that neither of us really have an easy time talking to our boyfriends about this. It seems as if yours doesn't want to discuss it at all, and mine takes everything I say as a personal attack.
One good thing though: I actually was able to refuse him sex last night! Who-hoo! That was a first for me in at least two months. He wanted to and I just didn't feel like it so we went to bed. If I refuse him sex and he's that randy, I don't mind if he jerks off. Like I said, it just bothers me when we never have sex and he jerks off more times per week then we have sex. I'll never like the idea that he looks at other women naked, but as long as I have my "rabbit" I can keep spiteing him because I know he hates it when I use it. Sad that I have to think this way though.
I do love him and would like to get married some day. Last night my boyfriend talked about getting me an engagement ring as a gift for our four-year anniversary. I don't know quite what to think about that. I told him that if he really wants to give me one, he should, but not just because I want him to. Living with his parents is going to be a real test of our relationship, that's for sure. : (

I would try the pill, but I know I would forget to take it. I'm so busy with my kids, I raely get to take a shower. So I know I will forget, and I don't want to do that. The shot is so much easier, you get it every three months. And thats that. But I debating on wether or not to stay on it. Its great with my periods. I don't have any. It's just those side effects. I was on the patch before. No matter what I did, it came off. Even my doctor put it on me when I went for an appt. And it feel off a couple of days later. So that wasn't for me. So I don't know. I was with my ex for four years and we always used a condom, the whole four years. I didn't bother me or him. :lol:

Just checking to see if everythings going good for you.

Hello, sorry to bring this post up again but I finally got everything moved. Sherry, how's it going? Please feel free to pm me whenever you want. Everything is ok, so far. It's hard getting adjusted to a new city when you lived in your old one for almost all your life.