Im so confused.
Part of me knows im still underweight, but
I still feel fat.
I just dont want to gain. Why????????????
I hate this, I dont know what to do.
Part of is , I think, that im not that
much underweight, and there's a safety in
being skinny.
But I still get upset when that scale
creeps upward, even if its like, a
pound.
Part of me wants to gain, wants to be
normal. I used to have that resolve.
What happened? I feel like ive lost it,
and I could slip back into trying to lose
weight again. Why am I such a freak?
I hate being this way. I hate my brain.
Part of me things "well stop then".
Part of me thinks "you fat cow, you eat so
much, and youre just gonna get fat. You
arent doing this right."
what is the right way? I workout (not
toomuch, just a healthy amount- the doctor
even said so-)
i eat enough, though its getting
increasingly harder to feel that full
feeling and not feel fat, and part of me
feels like im bingeing.
Im sorry, I dont know what im asking here.
I just feel like im in a rut, and I am
starting to lose my resolve.
I have a headache. I feel like im a
selfish, lying, horrible person sometimes,
whether its true or not.
I thought I was past this stage. Why does
it come back without warning? Why is my
brain out to make me miserable?
Thanks for listenting to me rant, I
apreciate it. :?
|
rinsha
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 305 Location: Alabama
Posted: 05-24-06 10:01am
First of all, your not a freak. Like you
said your confused. Most girls have an
issue with how much they weigh. Mainly
because of television and the way public
portrays us. When you watch television
you see the young pretty skinny, tan
girls. Never the over weight girls.
Don't feel like you are fat, and a pound,
thats nothing much to worry about.
I used to feel the same way as you do.
One minute I was thinking omg I ate to
much I am gaining weight and I won't look
right. My legs are getting to big or my
stomach is getting to big. I believe this
all starts in high school for girls.
Sometimes people would say things to me to
make me feel like I was starving myself to
death too. I would get so confused and
not know what to do.
I would exercise because I wanted to make
sure my stomach had no fat on it. I
wanted the perfect body. I am sure your
not fat, just you may have low self
esteem. And its not a bad thing to eat.
Actually, guys would rather have a
girlfriend with some meat on her bones
than a girlfriend that looked like she
weighed 80 or 90 pounds.
The media portrays girls as having to be
perfect by being skinny and its a shame.
Because girls start out at young ages
feeling like you do.
Try and feel confident about yourself.
Think of the things you like about
yourself and take pride in who you are.
Not the way you look in the mirror and
don't worry about one pound, try to have
fun while you can, life's about living and
trying to enjoy it, not worrying over how
fat or skinny you look. :)
good luck and I hope everything works out
for you. :d
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beta869
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Mar 2006 Posts: 18 Location: somewhere
Posted: 05-24-06 13:13pm
Thank you a lot for replying, it means a
lot. :)
i dont think I know what I want from my
life. I dont know how to be "normal",
and I didnt think I used to have this
problem, but I think I have a body-image,
like, misconception. I feel fat, I look
down at myself and think "i look normal,
look, I have big thighs" and then,
sometimes, I look in the mirror and think
I look like a freak. Too-skinny.
If I knew what was best, it would be so
much easier. But then, no one knows,
really, what to do, a lot of the time. I
seem to think they do though.
Thanks again, you really helped, I just
only have my point of view, and thanks for
another!
|
rinsha
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 305 Location: Alabama
Posted: 05-24-06 13:25pm
Your welcome I am glad to have helped you.
:d like I said you ever need someone
to talk to I am here and my email address
is treys
_girl06@yahoo.Com or send me a private
message :)
