Ok I met this wonderful guy when I was 2
months pregnant because the real father of
my baby ran away to california. Im 21 and
im so confused I have been with my
boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. My son calls
him dada and he is the god father of him
also. All of a sudden out of nowhere for
the past 3 months he has been acting
different. He moved out with his guy
friend and his family after living with me
for more then 2 years. He says because he
cant deal with my family cause they always
get in our business which is true, but im
ok with him moving out. The thing that
bothers me is he told me he doesnt have
the same feeling for me as he use to and
he's not sure if he loves me. He told me
he doesnt see us together in the future
and that im not his ideal girl. This is
because im not skinny....I have been
trying to lose weight for him and myself,
but its taking longer then I thought. I
have only lost 55lbs so far from doctor
prescribed pills, but I guess to him I
dont look any different. Only my friends
and family memebers see that im losing
weight, but I guess it's getting to him
now. Sometimes I think maybe he met
another prettier,skinnier girl at his
work, but if he did my bestfriend would
tell me cause she works right next to him
everyday. The only thing she told me is
he flirts a lot, but he says thats just
him being nice at his job. So im really
confused how can you love someone this
long and then turn around and say he
doesnt anymore? How could all the
memories and times we spent together not
matter to him anymore? How could he fall
in love with my son and now not care about
him anymore? I dont get it and my heart
hurts so bad. I cry every nigth and I
have to take like 3-4 teyonol pms to sleep
because so much crap runs through my head
at night and it makes it hard to sleep. I
have asked him all these questions and he
just stays quite and listens and then has
nothing to say afterwards. I need answers
so bad. I planned on being with him for
the rest of my life I dont want anyone
else and I love him so much...I feel so
empty without him. He broke up with me
last nigth over yahoo messanger saying
because he will never have the same
feelings again, but then when I woke up
there was a message saying I love you babe
see you after work.......What is that I
dont get it? He has been doing this break
up and get back together immature stuff
for the last 3 months. Nothing is the
same and I really need soemone to talk to,
but I have no one. I just want what we
use to have true love, please help me get
it back or explain to me whats going on.
Thanks.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 05-24-06 13:35pm
You have me to talk to! I cannot tell
you what to do or what not to do, only you
can do that, you just have to decide if
you want to keep playing this game or not.
I know that I have given guys chance
after chance and it does not change
things, it might be okay for a week or two
but then it is the same ole stuff, alot of
guys flirt, to me, that is nothing but you
can't have your cake and eat it too! No
man or guy is worth taking extra meds for,
to me that is a sign right there! It
sounds to me like if I were in your shoes,
which I am not, I would sit down and have
a heart to heart talk and look at him
straight in the eye when I was talking
because I would not put up with it, I
think you deserve better but you are the
one that needs to tell yourself that.
You need to do what you feel is right for
you!
Just because you are over-weight an you
are trying is no excuse for him to be like
that, even if you weren't trying.
The best to you!
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deliciousangel4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2006 Posts: 9 Location: WI
Heartborken And Confused Posted: 05-24-06 13:44pm
I have done the sitting and talking thing
so many times in fact just yesterday. I
will sit there and cry right in front of
him and he's says nothing or tries not to
comfort me in anyway. All I know is if it
was the other way around I would be right
next to him comforting him and telling him
how much I love him and want to be there
for him and make him feel better. He use
to be like this a year ago, but so much is
changing now and it's like I have no
control over him at all to make him
remember that I know he loves me and wants
to be with me. It just so
hard...Everytime I start talking about
memories or anything he will be like im
not in the mood to talk about it right now
or change the subject. Sometimes I think
he's to scared to hurt me and just let me
go, but then when he breaks it off why
does he want me back? I dont get it, but
all I know is it hurts so much and I dont
want to be sad anymore and I dotn want my
son to see me cry anymore. That hurts the
most, but it's so hard to hold back...My
throat gets a big lump in it and I start
to get all tearing eyes and then I start
to cry because just thinking about all
this and that it could end kills me
inside.
|
Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Re: Heartborken And Confused Posted: 05-25-06 10:36am
deliciousangel4
wrote:
i have done the sitting and
talking thing so many times in fact just
yesterday. I will sit there and cry
right in front of him and he's says
nothing or tries not to comfort me in
anyway. All I know is if it was the
other way around I would be right next to
him comforting him and telling him how
much I love him and want to be there for
him and make him feel better. He use to
be like this a year ago, but so much is
changing now and it's like I have no
control over him at all to make him
remember that I know he loves me and wants
to be with me. It just so
hard...Everytime I start talking about
memories or anything he will be like im
not in the mood to talk about it right now
or change the subject. Sometimes I think
he's to scared to hurt me and just let me
go, but then when he breaks it off why
does he want me back? I dont get it, but
all I know is it hurts so much and I dont
want to be sad anymore and I dotn want my
son to see me cry anymore. That hurts
the most, but it's so hard to hold
back...My throat gets a big lump in it and
I start to get all tearing eyes and then I
start to cry because just thinking about
all this and that it could end kills me
inside.
oh boy do I know exactly how you feel.The
only difference is when I did my long
heart to heart with him we stayed
together.It wasn't due to my weight,it was
dur to the fact that he had a drinking
problem and would cuss and scream at me
when he got wasted and yell at me for
things that had nothing to do with me.Yes
I puit up with it until last weekend.He is
trying now but things are not the same as
they were in the begining.When I was
reading your post all I could think of was
"man,that sounds like jerrid and i'',so I
do know and I know how bad it hurts trust
me.I wish I could be there to comfort you
and stuff.All I can tell you is you will
never find out the reason why he does
these things,why he breaks it off and then
says he loves you.What you need to do the
next time he says he loves you and you are
broken up,tell him to prove it and be a
man.No man treats a woman like that.If I
was on the outside looking into my
relationship,i would tell myself to break
up with him in a heartbeat,but i'm not on
the outside and I love him so it is
hard.And I know you like it when he says
he loves you cause you love him,but please
don't let him torture you like this,its
not fair to you or your son.If you need to
talk you can pm me!
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deliciousangel4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2006 Posts: 9 Location: WI
Broken Heart Posted: 05-25-06 10:43am
Your so right in so many ways, just last
nigth he pm me....Are you mad at me? I
didn't reply until he said I cant get you
out of my head...I think I truely do love
you. So I wrote back why and he's like I
dont know why you told me to listen to my
heart and my heart tells me I love you for
real. So I talked to him a bit, but I
held my grounds and im trying to be strong
and not take him back rigth away so he
knows what it's like without me. Then
maybe he will realize what he's losing and
stop doing the whole break up and hurt my
heart thing. Im going to take things real
slow this time....Im in no rush to have my
heart broken again and see how things go,
but thank you so much for your
advice..Your so right thats how I
feel......I love when he tells me he loves
me so much, but then when he says he
doesnt.....I just feel so empty inside.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Re: Broken Heart Posted: 05-25-06 10:51am
deliciousangel4
wrote:
your so right in so many
ways, just last nigth he pm me....Are you
mad at me? I didn't reply until he said
I cant get you out of my head...I think I
truely do love you. So I wrote back why
and he's like I dont know why you told me
to listen to my heart and my heart tells
me I love you for real. So I talked to
him a bit, but I held my grounds and im
trying to be strong and not take him back
rigth away so he knows what it's like
without me. Then maybe he will realize
what he's losing and stop doing the whole
break up and hurt my heart thing. Im
going to take things real slow this
time....Im in no rush to have my heart
broken again and see how things go, but
thank you so much for your advice..Your so
right thats how I feel......I love when he
tells me he loves me so much, but then
when he says he doesnt.....I just feel so
empty inside.
i feel the same way.I get all happy when
everything is ok but then when things go
bad,i'm mad and upset,it;s like he
controls my moods and I hate uit so
much.We have been fine tha las couple of
weeks but when ever something he says
makes me mad I get worried,or I look too
far into what he says and think about it
too much and it makes me a wreck! I try
not to cause stress aint doin me no damn
bit a good but I can't help it.
You need to stay strong like you are
now,and stand your grounds.Maybe when he
doesn't have you for a while he'll realize
what he lost.But I think when he im's
you,you shouldn't respond,and wait and see
what he keeps im'ing you.
|
deliciousangel4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2006 Posts: 9 Location: WI
Heartborken And Confused Posted: 05-25-06 11:34am
Ok I will try the who not responding back
thing to his ims....But the only thing is
he said he's coming to visit me at my work
today.......Im not sure why, but hope its
nothing bad.....Well thanks for all your
help your very kind and best wishes to
your relationship. :wink:
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Deliciousangel Posted: 05-25-06 12:38pm
I used to have a lot of the same type of
relationship with an ex when he came back,
it was good for a couple of weeks then it
was the same old garbage. You may never
lose the love you have for someone but you
definitely lose the respect, even thogh
you still love him. I finally met
someone that treats me right, even thugh
it was scarry as I was wating for the
total negative.
Could he be a little gun shy from say his
parents relationship or other family
members relationships or past
relationships. Might he have a drug or
a drinking problem or possibly like both
guys and girls and not know which way to
turn or maybe like I said before, maybe he
wants his cake and eat it too. I am
sure that a lot of this is going through
your mind along with other things, I do
not know him, I am not a counselor so it
is hard to say.
I just do not like to see you or your
child hurting and being upset. You do
know now that you have people to talk to
that understand. I just hope that you
stand your ground as I do understand how
it feels to .Love someone and have
something like this happen and as far as
you being a little overweight, he should
be mature enough to realize that beauty is
within!
We are here for you if you want to talk as
sometimes it is better to talk then to
hold it in!
The best to you and your child!!!!!!!!
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Melissa_20 Posted: 05-25-06 13:10pm
I am sorry that you have had to go through
this with a guy that has a drinking
problem, sometimes it is like when they
are drinking, men can become totally
different people, loud, obnoxious and
verbally abusive and sometimes physically
abusive and half the time they don't
remember the next day but you are right,
you can only put up with it for so long
even though it is difficult because you
still love him, the respect is gone and
sure they will change but for how long,
some do change permanently but it is rare,
others if you get a good two months out of
them you are doing good or even one month.
I used to be with an alchoholic, it can
be a bad and sad situation especially when
they are having their high and low mood
swings. I am sure glad I am in the
relationsip I am in now!
I wish you luck!
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deliciousangel4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 May 2006 Posts: 9 Location: WI
Heartborken And Confused Posted: 05-25-06 23:53pm
Yeah he;s acting totally nice to me
now........And for the questions about him
drinking no he doesnt do that or drugs
thats why I like him so much.....He's not
like the other guys. His family are big
drinkers, but so arent mine, btu we both
dont drink....So maybe we have learned
from our parents mistakes. I think he's
afraid of commiting, which is fine because
we are still young and im not ready to be
married anytime soon, but I do love him
and want to be with him so much.
