Hi... I was diagnosed with aspergers
syndrome in 2000 but I have a feeling I
may have disorganized schizophrenia.
Recently I was just looking into things
about schizophrenia because both my
parents have it, my mom has paranoid and
my dad has disorganized or paranoid I
don't really know, but when I was looking
into it I noticed that I had lots of the
disorganized symptoms and negative ones:
talking in sentences that do not make
sense or using nonsense words, making it
difficult for the person to communicate or
engage in conversation - I kinda have
trouble talking to people, when I try to
talk to people sometimes I just can't
think of things to say at all and end up
saying some nonsense like something to do
with goulash muffins or needles coming out
of a pincussion and piercing the fabric of
the universe or using words such as
'constipatorium' or even something as
weird as 'arerolabathintremaloonary'.
Being unable to make decisions - I am
really unable to make decisions. Whenever
somebody asks me to make a decision the
blankness of the mind comes and in comes
some randomness like if somebody asks me
"what color do you want your characters
eyes to be?" or something I might end up
saying "i don't know, something to do with
pistaccio nuts?" and then it would just
annoy them and I would just ask them for
some choices and after they give them to
me I often still can't make a decision and
just ask them whats better and go with
it.
Writing excessively but without meaning -
I do this all the time. I have an example
of some writing I ended up typing under
something to do with science:
"hmm... Blubberguts. What is wrong with
blasted person. Poopsie tankwinkle. I
don't think that that word will survive
the mehow language. You blasted persona.
Blabberhead. Guguah. You are an ass.
Your such an ass. No no no. Blubberheads
are not something to write about. If you
do there is something to write about
gobbledy gook. Gackle is an interesting
word used with... Things. I have no idea
what that meant but I am here again and
it's tomorrow and i'm in science class."
forgetting or losing things - anothing
thing I seem to do all the time. Whenever
I get homework I end up not doing it even
if I write it down because firstly I
forget to do it and secondly I forget to
even check my agenda book. When people
ask me to do stuff for them same thing
happens and it always ends up with
disappointments. Quite a few times i've
left expensive items like an alphasmart
and a laptop places (but thankfully got
them back.)
repeating movements or gestures, such as
pacing or walking in circles - I do this
all the time as well. Everyday I seem to
end up walking around and around through
the kitchen, around the living room, back
through the kitchen, back around the
living room again constantly like 30-40
times. Also at school I end up pacing
through the hallways or around some
rooms.
Lack of emotion and expression or
emotions, thoughts and moods that do not
fit with situations or events (for
example, crying instead of laughing at a
joke) - I have a lack of expression of
emotions. Almost all the time when people
look at me they think I look sad when i'm
actually not exactly. Sometimes I also
feel like i'm crying for no reason and I
end up laughing so hard at stuff that
everybody else doesn't find funny at the
least (eg. Mrs. Millette saying "a
folder with water stains on it.")
withdrawal from family, friends and social
activities - yeah... I just can't really
talk to people unless it's just slight
responses or total randomness unless it
has a point to it.
Reduced energy, lack of motivation - I
grouped those together because I think
they seem to fit together. I have been
having this severe lack of motivation. I
really don't feel motivated to do
anything, school work, eat (though I do
end up eating, I usually keep putting it
off because I just don't feel like it), or
even something I used to really enjoy such
as making websites or doing programming.
Loss of pleasure or interest in life - I
just seem to find life incredibly boring
right now. Not being able to talk to
people and losing motivation to do stuff
like programming which I used to love has
just makes me find no point.
Poor hygiene and grooming habits - I think
this is connected to the forgetfulness.
Often I can actually forget to shower and
end up going to school with greasy hair or
something.
Problems functioning at school, work or
other activities - just the lack of
motivation to do anything really has made
my marks go way down at school. For easy
stuff like math and accounting I can do
it, but the motivation just isn't there.
For other stuff like english and religion,
even when I try to do it, I can't because
my mind just blanks and sometimes the
randomness comes in and I end up not
writing anything because I try to keep
randomness out of my work.
Also other than all that I have been going
to the park every day and swinging and
thinking. When I do this my mind can go
totally out and start thinking about
absolute nonsense. First I start thinking
about things that make sense but then I
can start thinking that somehow my
thoughts at the park will all swell into
this tree and create a being that I would
consider perfect but would attempt to take
over the world or something. I can often
end up talking to myself when doing this
or engaging in a conversation with someone
and actually talking out my end of the
conversaion.
Woah, that was quite a bit. Do you think
this sounds like disorganized
schizophrenia?
