I Can't Tell, Please Help Me Posted: 05-26-06 03:01am
My name is kezia and I am 18 years old.
Everyone says that I am in a abusive
relationship but I don't see it, maybe
because I love him, I am goint to explain
our relationship, someone please give me
advice!!
I meet this guy a little over two years
ago. I was 16 at the time and he was 19.
I thought he was the most handsome man I
had ever seen, everything about him
appealed to me. I live in a small town
and around here there isn't anything to do
but park in parking lots and a lot of
people pull up and just stand around and
that's how I meet him. He finally asked
me out and we started going out to the
movies and stuff. I am a country girl
and he is a big redneck and real popular
in our town. He knows everyone and I
loved that. He was so nice to me the
first few months we dated, he brought me
roses to work, called me everyday, we
never argued at all. I was starting to
fall in love, I mean really in love, he is
all I thought about, we did everything
together.
After months of dating he started to get a
lot more possesive. He did not like
hardly any of my friends and so he tried
his best to keep me away from them by
getting mad at me if I did stuff with them
and so I quit talking to all of them b/c I
didn't want him mad at me. Although I
had to hang out with his friends. Then
he started getting mad at me over the
smallest things like if I was 20 minutes
late getting home he would get mad. I
literally had to spend all my time with
him. I had wrecked my car and so he was
taking me to school and picking me up and
spending all evening with him. It was
great I mean I loved hanging out with him
but we were starting to fight all the
time. I got him a good job working 3rd
shift and everything went to hell from
there really fast. He started staying
ill all the time, he makes comments to me
like I work all damn night what do you do?
He had bought me an engagment ring and
we were going to get married as soon as I
turned 18.
My family and friends were noticing a
change in me. I was never around, I was
ill when I was around them. He never has
hit me or anything but has threatned to
many times over stupid stuff. He began
treating me more like his daughter than
his fiance.
I had to start asking him before I did
anything. He has started getting mad at
me and playing mind games like if he
called me and I would be asleep or
something he would not answer his phone
when I call him back and then he would
text me and acuse me of cheating or
something crazy like that.
Anyway he broke up with me out of the blue
one day and it broke my heart, I could't
get out of bed for like 2 months. Then
he started calling me again an was being
all nice, we talked casually for like 3
months and then we started dating again.
This time he was the same as before, only
worse, I tried to not back talk him and do
everything he said because I love him so
much and I didn't want him to leave again
but we ended up breaking up again back in
december. For the past 5 months we have
still been talking and seeing each other
but he still get gelous over everything
and because I am weak I guess and I love
him I put up with it. He keeps me on
edge because everyday I have to worry
about not pissing him off. I cant seem
to let go of him because every other guy I
meet I compare to him. I don't like guys
that arn't bossy anymore because I got so
used to being controlled I dont know how
to be with anyone else(my b/f before him
was controlling to).
He has a very bad temper and I missed my
period this month so I am worried about
that right now. All my friends and
family tell me to stay away from him and I
cant seem to be able to break free, for
some reason I keep hanging on. Most
everyone in this town thinks he is this
great guy b/c I am the only one he acts
that way to. He dont think he is doing
anything worng. Is this a abusive
relationship? How should I handle it?
I love him but I dont know what to do?
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pinkone63
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Apr 2006 Posts: 23 Location: santa clarita
Your Boy Friend Posted: 05-26-06 04:55am
First of all I think your boyfriend needs
help. Second I know you love him but hun
love is blind. Your young yet and you
have your whole life in front of you. Im
telling u from experience. Ive been down
the road u r traveling. I dated a guy for
4 yrs. I thought he was the best thing
that ever happen to me. Then one day it
all changed and it wasent for the better.
I left this guy but by the time left him
it was to late. It ruined me for life.
Now I have no one and im afarid of men. I
ve made a choice to stay single out of
fear. Please hun dont let your life end
up that way. Men arent worth it. This is
just my advice its up to you. It has to
be. Dont make the wrong choice. Hope
everything works out and you do the right
thing. If u care to talk more u can email
me at pink
angel71@hotmail.Com. :)
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Been There
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 6
For Kezia Posted: 06-03-06 12:05pm
Girl,
you may love this guy, but you are in an
abusive relationship. The handwriting is
on the wall.
He is showing all the classic symptoms of
an abuser. And you are showing all the
classic symptoms of a girl caught up in
it, and being controlled and
manipulated.
Life is short. You must learn to be
strong and make good choices. A good rule
is to only allow those people in your life
that add value to it, not tear you down.
God has something better for you if you
will allow him to be your guide. :)
god bless and help you,
been there
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kezia333
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 133 Location: Texas
Posted: 06-04-06 14:15pm
Thank you both for replying to my message.
What you both said is so very true. I
did want to write back and let yall know
that I have not talked to him in about a
week or more. I spent all day last
saturday with him and then I didnt talk to
him until monday and I saw him in
mcdonalds, he waved and was with his
friends and didnt say anything else to me
and I have not heard from him since, but I
am sure in a week or so he will start
calling again. I got into a college that
is a little over an hour away from here.
My step sister and I are moving up there
to work and go to school. I miss him
like heel and it hurts but I am going to
do this for myself and not live for him
anymore. I would like to think that if
he calls, I will just simply hit ignore or
possibly have my number changed.
God bless
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Been There
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 6
Your Boyfriend Posted: 06-04-06 16:05pm
Baby,
it looks like to me he's been playing
head games. You're young and you deserve
better than that.
You won't be the first girl or woman to
fall in love with a player. It's so easy
to fall in love and so hard to get over it
when it goes wrong, but sis, the
handwritings on the wall with this guy.
What's he's showing you and the way he's
behaving is not love, it's control and
messing with your head........And life.
You have to power to say no to abuse. I
hope and pray you will stay strong and not
give in to your emotions. This is an
addiction and like any addiction it can be
healed.
Pray for strength and you will get it.
Been there
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kezia333
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 133 Location: Texas
Posted: 06-07-06 13:09pm
He did contact me again and started that
crap with me coming to see him and I am
trying really hard to let him go. I
guess the reason that makes it harder is
that I am scared of being alone. I mean
this is the first time in like 4 years I
have not had a steady boyfriend and it is
weird lol. I know I am young and I have
to be patient and all and I really am
trying. I just feel sometimes like he is
the only one for me and then sometimes I
feel ok, so my emotions are going crazy
right now. He never did cheat on me or
anything like that and I guess that is
another reason I cling to him b/c I am
scared I won't find another honest guy but
who knows...
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Been There
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2006 Posts: 6
Posted: 06-08-06 10:22am
Don't feel guilty over falling back into
it sis. It happens to all of us at one
time or another when we love someone.
I was thinking this..........If you felt
confused, torn and like something was
wrong with your relationship with this
guy, maybe your instincts were right.
Sometimes what keeps us in the same
relationship, even when it's not right, is
fearing change. It's almost like we stay
in wrong relationships because of the fear
and uncertainty of changing. Change is
hard. We tend to stay in what's familiar
to us.
I feel that you are a smart girl with a
lot to offer the right guy. I'll be
praying for you that you wll learn to make
good decisions now and in the future,
whether it's staying with this guy, (if he
will treat you right), or with someone
that god has chosen for you. He can pick
just the right person if we trust him
enough to do so. :)
