Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 528 Location: , Lost in Oz.
Your Child Posted: 05-27-06 01:02am
If you found out your 16 year old daughter
had gotten pregnant and had an abortion
without telling you.....How would you
react?
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Meandering Away
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 535
Re: Your Child Posted: 05-27-06 02:58am
trina1
wrote:
if you found out your 16
year old daughter had gotten pregnant and
had an abortion without telling
you.....How would you
react?
i would not react any different to if I
found out she had a baby without telling
me.I would not question her decision nor
would I interogate her as to whom the
father was, I would ask her where I has a
parent had failed in that she felt the
need to keep it quiet but apart from that
I would not grief her I would not change
towards her in anyway, why should i, she
is my daughter if she cannot talk to me
then somewhere I have failed in my
relationship with her, luckily my 16 year
old daughter will and has come to me and
talked over certain matters, so I am
pretty confident that if she did get
pregnant she knows that I would support
her no matter what her choice and would be
able to come to me about it.
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nightangel73
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Posted: 05-27-06 06:23am
I would be disappointed and would question
her about every single detail that had to
do with it. Specially like cowboys write
on why not telling me that she was
pregnant in the first place. I want to
raise my children in a way they are always
open to talk to me if they have a problem.
But of course I would absolutetly not
disown her, nor abandon her. Now if she
for example ask me to give her money to
buy a car I will say her a big no. If my
children honor me I will honor them if
they don't then I won't.
Last edited by nightangel73 on 05-27-06 09:39am; edited 1 time in total
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Cambion
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Posted: 05-27-06 09:19am
I would applaud her for making the
responsible decision. I might ask her why
she did not tell me, but if it was out of
fear or shame, then I would totally
understand (i would be scared and ashamed
to tell my mother I was pregnant). Then I
would ask her if she protected herself at
all, and whether or not she did, I would
try to get her on some more effective
birth control if she wanted to continue
being safely sexually active. Had she
come home with a baby in her arms, she'd
be out the door on her behind with all her
belongings in a heartbeat - the way I see
it, if she felt she could be responsible
enough to care for a baby, she could also
be responsible enough to find her own
lodgings and find a good enough job to
support both herself and the child.
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trina1
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jun 2005 Posts: 528 Location: , Lost in Oz.
Posted: 05-27-06 09:53am
cambion
wrote:
i would applaud her for
making the responsible decision. I might
ask her why she did not tell me, but if it
was out of fear or shame, then I would
totally understand (i would be scared and
ashamed to tell my mother I was pregnant).
Then I would ask her if she protected
herself at all, and whether or not she
did, I would try to get her on some more
effective birth control if she wanted to
continue being safely sexually active.
Had she come home with a baby in her arms,
she'd be out the door on her behind with
all her belongings in a heartbeat - the
way I see it, if she felt she could be
responsible enough to care for a baby, she
could also be responsible enough to find
her own lodgings and find a good enough
job to support both herself and the
child.
so what you are saying is....You would
only support her in one choice? If she
"chose" to abort...Then you would applaud
her and be supportive....But if she
"chose" to keep the child....Then you
would basically abandon her. That is not
being supportive of choice....That is
dictatorship.
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diamond splinter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Apr 2006 Posts: 611 Location: ,
Posted: 05-27-06 15:43pm
cambion
wrote:
i would applaud her for
making the responsible decision. I
might ask her why she did not tell me, but
if it was out of fear or shame, then I
would totally understand (i would be
scared and ashamed to tell my mother I was
pregnant). Then I would ask her if she
protected herself at all, and whether or
not she did, I would try to get her on
some more effective birth control if she
wanted to continue being safely sexually
active. Had she come home with a baby
in her arms, she'd be out the door on her
behind with all her belongings in a
heartbeat - the way I see it, if she felt
she could be responsible enough to care
for a baby, she could also be responsible
enough to find her own lodgings and find a
good enough job to support both herself
and the
child.
then I thank god you have no wish to
become a parent
myself I would ask her reasons for the
abortion I would also wish to know where
the procedure was performed and why she
felt she could not speak to me.
Would I be dissapointed l yes that was my
grandchild would I disown her no she is
my daughter
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Meandering Away
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 535
Posted: 05-27-06 15:48pm
cambion
wrote:
i would applaud her for
making the responsible decision. I might
ask her why she did not tell me, but if it
was out of fear or shame, then I would
totally understand (i would be scared and
ashamed to tell my mother I was pregnant).
Then I would ask her if she protected
herself at all, and whether or not she
did, I would try to get her on some more
effective birth control if she wanted to
continue being safely sexually active.
Had she come home with a baby in her arms,
she'd be out the door on her behind with
all her belongings in a heartbeat - the
way I see it, if she felt she could be
responsible enough to care for a baby, she
could also be responsible enough to find
her own lodgings and find a good enough
job to support both herself and the
child.
cambion please do not call yourself pro
choice you are not you are anti child and
pro abortion.You are one of the reasons
real pro choicers get called pro
aborts.You should support her no matter
what but no you will if she makes your
choice but not her own, mmm intresting, if
she is responsible enough to go and have
an abortion without telling you then would
she not also be responsible enough to get
a house/job or are you saying that women
who have abortions are not responsible
people.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 05-27-06 16:54pm
I really cannot see that happening as my
young adults are older then that and they
know that I am more open and they realize
they could always come to me if anything
like that were to ever happen to my
daughter or if my son got someone pregnant
at 16y/o, heck, even there friends came to
me if something ever happened to one of
them to help them to go to their parents
if this occured, my daughter and son is
not just my family, we are also friends
that they know that they can come to at me
at anytime for anything for any reason.
I just hope that the rest of you are as
fortunate as I am to have a relationship
with your children that is as special as
mine!
The best to you!
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Cambion
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Posted: 05-27-06 17:16pm
Quote:
so what you are
saying is....You would only support her in
one choice? If she "chose" to
abort...Then you would applaud her and be
supportive....But if she "chose" to keep
the child....Then you would basically
abandon her. That is not being supportive
of choice....That is
dictatorship.
how is my opinion a dictatorship? That
makes no freaking sense. I would be
supportive of a choice...That choice
being abortion. The way I see it, if I
were to have a teen daughter who got
pregnant and wanted to keep the child, I
would say I already raised my child
(because I know how much teen mothers love
to throw their babies in their parents'
laps) and I would not tolerate another
screaming infant in my home, even if it is
my grandchild.
Quote:
then I thank god
you have no wish to become a parent
i agree - I already realize I would make
an awful parent because i'm so ruthless
and unfeeling toward children.
Quote:
cambion please do
not call yourself pro choice you are not
you are anti child and pro abortion.You
are one of the reasons real pro choicers
get called pro aborts.You should support
her no matter what but no you will if she
makes your choice but not her own, mmm
intresting, if she is responsible enough
to go and have an abortion without telling
you then would she not also be responsible
enough to get a house/job or are you
saying that women who have abortions are
not responsible
people.
i thought we already established that i'm
anti-child - for the last time people: I
hate kids. I am anti-child and i'm not
afraid to admit to it. I never said I
didn't believe in a woman's choice to
abort or keep a child - what I say is
that, if I were to have a teenage daughter
who got herself knocked up and wanted to
keep it, I would not support her. You
see, if she sought abortion on her own,
she was taking responsibility for
something that went awry in her life. She
took her life into her own hands and
handled a situation. If she were to keep
the baby, I would almost guarantee i'd be
the one watching it while she went about
her life as normal. I would refuse to do
that if I was in that situation.
When women choose abortion, sometimes it
is, indeed, the most responsible decision.
When the woman is not stable financially,
not ready emotionally, is single, or in an
unsteady or abusive relationship, abortion
is the most humane choice, in my opinion.
Women who realize that bringing a child
into a life that portrays any of the
scenarios I just described would be wrong
on more than one level, they are being
responsible. Then you get the idiots who
spawn like mad and think that "god will
help me and give me money when I need it
and make things all perfect and pretty"
when they know they can't possibly afford
the child(ren) that are irresponsible.
I've said it before and it bears repeating
- becoming a parent does not make a person
mature or responsible.
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Carifairy
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Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
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Posted: 05-28-06 12:40pm
While I respect cambions opinion, I must
say that I would react differently.
I would be supportive of whichever choice
my (theoretical) daughter would make.
With that being said, I would make sure
she knew that this was her daughter, not a
baby doll, and not a status symbol to look
cool. I would be a grandmother, not a
'fill in mother'. I raised my baby, now
it's time for her to be responsible and
raise hers. There are teen age pregnancy
programs at high school that include free
daycare, I would enroll her in on of those
etc.. She would be the mother, I would
simply be her mother supporting her. If
my daughter happened to not want to get an
abortion, but put her child for adoption I
would make sure that process went smoothly
too, making sure I was supportive and not
dictating. This would be her choice, and
I would just be ensuring that my daughter
was not taken advantage of..You know?
I support ny decision for any woman. I
am also a realist and believe many teens
do not have a clue of what it takes to be
a good parent, so once they become one, I
would not put up with "party time"..
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nightangel73
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Posted: 05-28-06 18:33pm
cambion
wrote:
i've said it before and it bears repeating
- becoming a parent does not make a person
mature or
responsible.
it does make mature a great number because
I have seeing it with my own eyes. I have
seeing of my friends who used to sleep
around with guys in highschool and college
then they got pregnant and totally
changed.
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Carifairy
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Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
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Posted: 05-28-06 18:51pm
But not everyone does change..And putting
that kind of a 'job' on a baby is not a
good idea.
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cherry88
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006 Posts: 633 Location: ,
Re: Your Child Posted: 05-28-06 23:54pm
It is her body and her choice... You
still don't get it, .E.D.I.T.E.D. .F.O.R.
.A.B.U.S.I.V.E. .L.I.K.E.
.B.E.H.A.V.I.O.R.?[/quote]
i have to agree with her, my mum found
out, and she was cool about it, shes said
I made the right decision, if anybodys
child decides to make a life changing
decision then you have to respect her
choice, after all it her her body. Cut
the ambilical cord hun, they gotta grow up
sometimes. Just be there for her that
all you can do as a mother. Disowning
her would just be wrong. You have to
respect her decision or she can do things
like not let u see your grandkids wen she
has them...Dont make someone bitter.Like I
said before be there for her its not like
she lost a school book. It was a baby.
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sandyallen
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Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 05-29-06 16:51pm
Exactly.Cairifairy!!!!!!!!!!!! There are
too many children that cannot even take
care of themselves, this is not a baby
doll play toy we are talking about here!
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 05-29-06 17:06pm
I do agree with you cherry88!
The best to you!
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Moo
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Posted: 05-30-06 16:23pm
I would ask her why she hadn't felt able
to come and speak to me about her
predicament and I would make sure that she
was coping ok with it all and felt she'd
made the right decision. I would also
hope/check she was using contraception if
she were continuing to be sexually active
but, first and foremost, I would support
her.
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Chrissy87
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2005 Posts: 53 Location: dundalk
Posted: 06-01-06 23:24pm
I was 16 when I got pregnant and I could
never of told my parents I had an
abortion, they would of threw me out and
never had a thing to do with me. My mom
would of probably bursted into tears and
slapped me.
I honestly would have to say if I had my
16 year old child come to me and say they
had an abortion and it was 6 weeks or
later I could never bare to look at them
again, it would be like looking at a
killer
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cherry88
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 May 2006 Posts: 633 Location: ,
Posted: 06-03-06 23:37pm
chrissy87
wrote:
i was 16 when I got pregnant
and I could never of told my parents I had
an abortion, they would of threw me out
and never had a thing to do with me. My
mom would of probably bursted into tears
and slapped me.
I honestly would have to say if I had my
16 year old child come to me and say they
had an abortion and it was 6 weeks or
later I could never bare to look at them
again, it would be like looking at a
killer
thats just inapropriate...You the same
person with a family member who likes
swinging basball bats about isnt it. If
you dont stand by your child in her
decision in my opinion you shouldnt have
kids. Throwing you child out is just
wrong, you bring them into the wolrd you
must be prepared to go though pretty much
anything with them and stand by them! The
whole thing u said was wrong. And I dont
know why my things have been edited for
abusive like behaviour I didnt say
andything abusive, abusive like behaviour
is me then hitting her with a basball
bat...Lol
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Cambion
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Posted: 06-04-06 08:24am
Quote:
i was 16 when I
got pregnant and I could never of told my
parents I had an abortion, they would of
threw me out and never had a thing to do
with me. My mom would of probably bursted
into tears and slapped me.
I honestly would have to say if I had my
16 year old child come to me and say they
had an abortion and it was 6 weeks or
later I could never bare to look at them
again, it would be like looking at a
killer
...Because the only moral abortion is your
abortion, right?
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sandyallen
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Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 06-04-06 14:19pm
You should be there for your kids with
open minds and a good heart and their are
some kids that you can talk to and talk to
and it does not do any good and that is
where I feel that tough love comes into
the picture, my step-niece ended up that
way, she should have never should have had
kids as my step-mother ended up raising
her kids, she did not even want to raise
me when my .Dad and her got married and
the one boy could do no wrong(ha, ha), he
was always in trouble, juvenile hall,
.California youth authority along with his
mom she got busted for drugs severaltimes,
fighting, dui's and she would end up back
at my step mother's after she beat her mom
up, my step-niece's daughter was the good
one and my step-mother treated her like
she was a piece of crap, she ended up
going to college and is doing great. Now
adays you do need to give kids their
choice and their are times that they do
need to be booted on their butt, their are
so many places for them to go and their
are times that it does help them to
grow-up because so many of those places
where they accept children and babies make
them tow the line.
You see each situation is different.
