Depression Forum - Im Pathetic Every Thing Is Going Wrong

Hi all sorry for this vent but omg I need to vent somewhere !

My life for the past 5 years has been hell I feel like such a pathetic drop out !!
I know where im going wrong and still carry on doing things wrong
should I start at the begging well here I go
i got pg at the tender age of 15 had here at 16 and my life took and instant nose dive by the time I found out I was pg it was too late to do anything bearing in mind my little girl is the only thing now that keeps me going :)

after I had here I picked myself up again and got a job was with her farther and life looked like it was gtting better
2 years down the line my partner decided he wanted a break he couldnt take the fact I lived with my mum and dad with bab and he lived with his alone (we were not elegable for housing and couldnt afford it on our own we were put into band c waiting lol )
so we split and I went downhill I stopped going to work (working nights at a bakery) and basically almost wanted to die until my mum picked me up saying look you have got to carry on for your little girl she needs you

so I did I picked myself up went to the docs and was diag with depression and put on cardually higher and higher drugs, got anouther job and carried on 10 months down the line my daughters dad came back and wanted to get back together so we did and it was fine I gradually decided I wanted of the depression drugs and that took alot out of me by this time I was really hooked and was practically living on temazipam to be able to sleep so I did find it hard coming off the drugs the hardest ive found anything actually but finally a few months on I was off them and feeling good
i enrolled at college and life was looking good phoebe was loving life she was at my college nursery and evrything was looking good we had finally got a house and we were coping we decided we wanted to start trying then but in thge past six months everything has fallen apart my mum had a major heart attack and because my bro;s and sis are twats they basically toold me I was the one who had to quit college and take care of mum as they were at work bearing in mind we were all very close
so I treid to take care of her and go to college but it just wasnt working so yep I quit I took care of her alone I was now the mother of the house with my older bros and sis coming to me for money and help

i was then taking care of 2 houses my mum my dad and my daughter practicaly alone
my mum got abit better and so out ttc started again now 9 months down the line im still not pg have not had a period in 9 months and basically been told by docs il be lucky to ever concieve again
my partner found a lump on his you know whats and has got to have that removed ive lost all my friend my bros and sis never ever come around anymore and never see my mum and my partner has got this job were he goes away alot and he is now in paris for 2 weeks
some absolute dick has wrote our car off last week wouldnt be soo bad but we just paid out 500 to get the bloody thing through its mot
i really feel like im sliding down a slippery slope back to depression and I never ever want to go back on meds ever but im getting to the point were I feel like I need them again

im not sleeping binge eating and then not eating for a long time crying all the time , its a effort to do everything
and all the time im just looking at myself going you pathetic loser wake up people have got it worse than you its like im 2 dif people
sorry for the long pst all just needed to get some stuff off my chest as at the min ive only got a 5 year old to talk to and I never want my daughter to c me like this so I keep it all in

tc all