Join Our Community!
Share
Pregnancy Forum > Pregnancy Forum > Please Reply Me And My Girlfriend Needs Help
What happens during labor? What do contractions feel like? And how do I know that labor has begun? Read on to learn about birthing basics....
Signs of labor occur after 36 weeks of pregnancy. Learn about the difference between real and false contractions. Plus, we outline signs of delivery complicati...
Almost all women worry about the pain of childbirth. Preparing for childbirth includes thinking about how you'd like to cope with the pain of labor. Read on for...
Avatar
Q: Please Reply Me And My Girlfriend Needs Help
asked by: james919 on June 5th, 2006
New User
Me and my girlfriend have been dating 4 a while now and things are getting pretty serious. I am 17 and she is 15 and we are already engaged. We were very good friends before we started dating and now that we've been together we kno all about each other. Yes we love each other to the fullest and I will do anything for her. But we've been talkin for a few weeks about us having a baby. I mean I want one and so does she I just need a 2nd opinion on what I should do. Im not the type that will run out on her or anything. I love her to death and so dos she. Our plan is to try and start when school starts so she'll have it next summer when she's out of school. And since im graduating i'll be taking care of the baby during the day and working night jobs while she takes care of it. And this will take place after summer when she's a junior. I mean for starters all that we are going to buy is the basics like diapers,bottles, wipes ,formula and clothes. We'll cut off our cell phones and cars and everything else into we get situated. She'll be going to college first and completeing it while im working. And then it will be my turn. What do u think that we should do? Is this a good plan or not?
Did you find this post useful?
|
Replies(13)
Avatar
n0rthernbelle
replied on June 5th, 2006
Experienced User
I think you two need to relax and enjoy being teenagers. You're both so young, especially her. 15! I don't care that she would be 16 when she had the baby, I think it's ridiculous to choose to have a child at your juvenile ages when you aren't financially capable of taking care of a child on your own, nor emotionally ready for the huge task of raising a child. Why do you want a baby right now? Do you think they're cute and it looks easy? Do you think it will bring you two closer, and this is just a natural progression of your relationship? Slow down. You're kids. Why are you already enagaged? Is that even legal? Look, if I sound like i'm being harsh, it's because there's nothing worse than two kids rushing to grow up. Your minds are still developing at your ages, especially hers. Hell, her body is still maturing, no matter how developed she may appear. If you want to do the right thing, wait. Wait a long time, when you're both finished with college and have started your careers and can afford to have a family. It'll be the best thing you can ever do for the baby. Good luck.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
megums1211
replied on June 5th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
No offense, but I think that anyone planning to have a baby while still in high school is not a good idea. I mean, it sounds like you two have a plan but, things don't normally go as smoothly as you hope. She is only 15, that's quite young to be wanting a baby. If you two are really that serious, then you can stand to survive a few more years until she is an adult. I just think that 15 is kinda young. I'm 20 and my husband is 22 and we're having our first this december. Planning for a baby is far more difficult than you could imagine. I'm only 4 months pregnant and my hubby and I have spent hundreds of dollars on the baby already. Babies need more than bottle, wipes, formula, and clothes... They need alot more than that. Like health insurance dp you even have health insurance? Have you thought about how much it costs to raise a family? I have a really good job and my honey and I sometimes struggle (he is getting his bachelor's in business right now) I net $1100.00 every two weeks (2200 a month), and we sometimes wonder how we're going to get through. Just think about it. I read somewhere once that in a baby's first year, the parents will spend more than 10,000 dollars. Just on the baby. Wait until you're older. You said that you and your girl love each other, so take some time to spend together alone. Once a baby is in the picture, you'll rarely have time to be with each other.



Edited b/c I can't spell
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
megums1211
replied on June 5th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Another thing, I would never doubt a young couple being together for all of teen years b/c my hubby and I met when he was 15 and I was 14 and we've been together ever since, but we waited to get married and have a baby until we were ready, physically, emotionally, and financially. Spend some time to be together as a couple. And wait until you get married to have a baby. A honeymoon can't be much fun with a baby next to you...
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
candita_sky
replied on June 5th, 2006
Advanced Support Team
Let me see if I understand this you are 17 she is 15 you claim you too love each other well then why not wait till you both are thru w/school why the rush. How are you going to afford insurance for her and the baby? What if the baby is born to early could you afford that or for the matter could you even handle a child with mental or birth defects or health problems because it is not easy to do. What if the baby has colic can you handle a child screeeaaammming for houras on end with out hurting or yelling at the child? Can you afford food housing and neccessities like electric water and rent???? And how could you afford collage once you have a baby??? Please re think this idea and wait and do not try to get preg. Babies are expensive and need lots of attention and love you too are not mature enough to do this I am not trying to be mean I just think you should think first.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
matthieusmom
replied on June 5th, 2006
Experienced User
First of all it's not the easiest thing in the world being a parent at 16 (i got pregnant at 15) even though it was very much planned and wanted, I have no regrets. It sounds like you have everything planned out but really think about it. I mean me and his father has done everything ourselves with little help as possible. But now that he is 2 he wants everything and i'm soo glad that we are able to give him what he wants. I mean we are stable and able to do everything we want so now that we are able to do that we are trying for baby # 2. But I know everyone is trying to tell you to wait, all i'm going to say is to make sure she is really ready for the whole thing (going to school pregnant, dealing with what everyone says and her mom and dad) but if that's what you want go for it but really think about it
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
I want to be a mommy
replied on June 5th, 2006
Experienced User
Sounds like you have evrything planned but how is she going to feel whens shes 18 and friends are going to clubs and she has to watch her child or when the are 16 and cruising around with a baby inthe backseat. There is alot to think about i'll be 22 and my husband 25 and we know that us trying will be a whole differnt life style for us. We go out all the time and are lifes will change but we had our fun. I would say wait a few years b/c you can miss out on so much and you have your whole life to have kids why now what is the rush........Life holds struggles, do you both have a secure job, vehicles that run in good condition, a home that you own, credit, there is so much to think about. And 15 I hadn't even thought of sex at that age
Did you find this post useful?
|
User Profile
sandyallen
replied on June 5th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Slow down, wanting and having a bay are two different things. You are both too young! Sure, their are girls having baby's young but that does not make it right for you. If you really and truely love each other a baby can wait. A baby is a 24/7 day a week responsibility, like the other person said, yes they look good and this and that but look at all of the reality, what would happen if you had to go into the military. Their is plenty of time to have a baby later. Believe me once a couple has been married for 5 to 8 years a llot of things change and sometimes not even that long and then she ends up as a single parent or yourself, you may not believe it now but it can happen as anything is possible, I used to think the same thing of my marriages(that I was in love and that our marriage would last forever) but I was wrong and you could be too! I know you will not listen but I did want to put my two cents worth in too.
The best to you both!
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
james919
replied on June 5th, 2006
New User
Thank You
I want 2 thank everyone that answered my question. I will talk 2 her today and tell her how I feel. But it will probably be best if we do wait. I mean u guys are right. We should at least finish college and get finacally stable. Once again thank u for the advice. I really appriciate it!! :d
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
megums1211
replied on June 5th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
No problem :wink: enjoy your time with her :) you'll appreciate the time you have together once you do have a baby someday:)
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
rinsha
replied on June 5th, 2006
Experienced User
I am 18 just turned 18, I have been with my fiancee for two years. I would love to have a baby with my fiancee, but we don't have the money. And are not ready for it yet.

How long have you two been together? You two are 17 & 15, do you realize the toll your body takes from having a baby, it ages a girl by 3 years? Where would the money be coming from? Does she have insurance, the 9 months of doctor's visit's? The baby when its born the back and forth trips to the doctor?

There are alot of things you have to consider. Does either of your parents know your plans? Think about it this way, you would want your baby to have everything it wants right? And be able to provide your child with everything it wants, as soon as the baby is born, it starts crying, from the first breath, this is the first want.

I hope you two are able to take care and afford all of the bills. Jobs at night, with a high school diploma where are you planning on working to make enough money to pay for all these things, and a house with all the bills to pay for you as well as her having needs as well.

Just because you cut cell phones out, and cars, that still doesn't cut enough money to support three. By the time your kid is 18 think about how much money you have spent, if you can afford it. Think about yourself as a child growing up wanting toys, probably wanting to play sports, nice clothes, shoes, etc. Your girlfriend as well. I am sure if you think back, there were alot of wants, and needs, do you think your prepared to take care of a child as young as you both are?

I believe you two should really consider waiting, it would only be fair to the child as well as you two. You're both still very young and have teenage years left. There are still so many things to do at your age, bringing a child into the world pretty much means you are focused on the child. Play time for the parents it over. Once a baby is born do you know how much sleep a night you get? Not very much, every few hours the baby will wake up needing to be feed, diapers changed and such. She will still be in school a junior, how much sleep do you think she will manage to get? You will be working, she will be home by herself getting woke up and having no help. And going to school the next morning, she will be so tired and worn out. There is no possible way she will be able to do this at night and the next day have plenty of energy to keep up in school. The baby would be around 3-4 months old.

I have had two friends last year that both went to school pregnant, had the baby during the school year and went back in 6 weeks. One with the father there to help, and the other without any help. Both had parents to help take care of the child during the day. How will you manage to sleep during the day, taking care of the baby and go to work at night?

Consider what I have said. There alot of things you need to think about before having a baby. I hope you two make the right choice, some manage to pull it off, but its a very hard life at such a young age. Its nice you have all these things planned out, but how about after you two have both finished school, and gone to college there is plenty of time for kids. Not when you two are just kids yourself still. Enjoy youth while you have it and don't regret making a decision you weren't ready for. After you two are finished with school, which will be a couple years off then, reconsider.

Good luck!
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
candita_sky
replied on June 5th, 2006
Advanced Support Team
I am glad that you are going to wait. Keep us posted on how it is going.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
rinsha
replied on June 5th, 2006
Experienced User
I am glad to, there is plenty of time.. Good luck to you two!!! :d
Did you find this post useful?
|
Avatar
notafan
replied on June 5th, 2006
Experienced User
The other posters have good advice about waiting. 17 and 15 is just too young. Babies are cute and little but they grow fast, they become toddlers, then preschoolers, then they go to school and their needs just grow and grow, and so do your responsibilities.

I found parenthood hard enough even when we were in our 20's, married, with college degrees, in our own home, and with two well-paying jobs. Learn to take care of yourselves before taking on the responsibility of another little human. How about getting a goldfish instead?

Oh , and use birth control yourself (a condom) every time you have sex, even if she says she is using it.
Did you find this post useful?
|
Quick Reply
Search