Joined: 05 Jun 2006 Posts: 2 Location: tampa, Florida
Please Reply Me And My Girlfriend Needs Help Posted: 06-05-06 12:18pm
Me and my girlfriend have been dating 4 a
while now and things are getting pretty
serious. I am 17 and she is 15 and we are
already engaged. We were very good
friends before we started dating and now
that we've been together we kno all about
each other. Yes we love each other to the
fullest and I will do anything for her.
But we've been talkin for a few weeks
about us having a baby. I mean I want one
and so does she I just need a 2nd opinion
on what I should do. Im not the type that
will run out on her or anything. I love
her to death and so dos she. Our plan is
to try and start when school starts so
she'll have it next summer when she's out
of school. And since im graduating i'll
be taking care of the baby during the day
and working night jobs while she takes
care of it. And this will take place
after summer when she's a junior. I mean
for starters all that we are going to buy
is the basics like diapers,bottles, wipes
,formula and clothes. We'll cut off our
cell phones and cars and everything else
into we get situated. She'll be going to
college first and completeing it while im
working. And then it will be my turn.
What do u think that we should do? Is
this a good plan or not?
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rasuyoung
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2006 Posts: 464 Location: Long Island, NY
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 06-05-06 12:38pm
I think you two need to relax and enjoy
being teenagers. You're both so young,
especially her. 15! I don't care
that she would be 16 when she had the
baby, I think it's ridiculous to choose to
have a child at your juvenile ages when
you aren't financially capable of taking
care of a child on your own, nor
emotionally ready for the huge task of
raising a child. Why do you want a
baby right now? Do you think they're
cute and it looks easy? Do you think
it will bring you two closer, and this is
just a natural progression of your
relationship? Slow down. You're
kids. Why are you already enagaged?
Is that even legal? Look, if I sound
like i'm being harsh, it's because there's
nothing worse than two kids rushing to
grow up. Your minds are still
developing at your ages, especially hers.
Hell, her body is still maturing, no
matter how developed she may appear. If
you want to do the right thing, wait.
Wait a long time, when you're both
finished with college and have started
your careers and can afford to have a
family. It'll be the best thing you
can ever do for the baby. Good luck.
Last edited by rasuyoung on 06-05-06 12:43pm; edited 3 times in total
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megums1211
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 883 Location: Ohio
Posted: 06-05-06 12:38pm
No offense, but I think that anyone
planning to have a baby while still in
high school is not a good idea. I
mean, it sounds like you two have a plan
but, things don't normally go as smoothly
as you hope. She is only 15, that's
quite young to be wanting a baby. If
you two are really that serious, then you
can stand to survive a few more years
until she is an adult. I just think
that 15 is kinda young. I'm 20 and my
husband is 22 and we're having our first
this december. Planning for a baby is
far more difficult than you could imagine.
I'm only 4 months pregnant and my
hubby and I have spent hundreds of dollars
on the baby already. Babies need more
than bottle, wipes, formula, and
clothes... They need alot more than
that. Like health insurance dp you even
have health insurance? Have you
thought about how much it costs to raise a
family? I have a really good job and
my honey and I sometimes struggle (he is
getting his bachelor's in business right
now) I net $1100.00 every two weeks (2200
a month), and we sometimes wonder how
we're going to get through. Just think
about it. I read somewhere once that in
a baby's first year, the parents will
spend more than 10,000 dollars. Just
on the baby. Wait until you're older.
You said that you and your girl love
each other, so take some time to spend
together alone. Once a baby is in the
picture, you'll rarely have time to be
with each other.
Edited b/c I can't spell
Last edited by megums1211 on 06-05-06 12:44pm; edited 1 time in total
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megums1211
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 883 Location: Ohio
Posted: 06-05-06 12:42pm
Another thing, I would never doubt a young
couple being together for all of teen
years b/c my hubby and I met when he was
15 and I was 14 and we've been together
ever since, but we waited to get married
and have a baby until we were ready,
physically, emotionally, and financially.
Spend some time to be together as a
couple. And wait until you get married
to have a baby. A honeymoon can't be
much fun with a baby next to you...
Last edited by megums1211 on 06-05-06 12:44pm; edited 1 time in total
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candita_sky
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 02 May 2006 Posts: 522 Location: in the land of pooh bear
Posted: 06-05-06 12:44pm
Let me see if I understand this you are 17
she is 15 you claim you too love each
other well then why not wait till you both
are thru w/school why the rush. How are
you going to afford insurance for her and
the baby? What if the baby is born to
early could you afford that or for the
matter could you even handle a child with
mental or birth defects or health problems
because it is not easy to do. What if the
baby has colic can you handle a child
screeeaaammming for houras on end with out
hurting or yelling at the child? Can you
afford food housing and neccessities like
electric water and rent???? And how could
you afford collage once you have a baby???
Please re think this idea and wait and do
not try to get preg. Babies are expensive
and need lots of attention and love you
too are not mature enough to do this I am
not trying to be mean I just think you
should think first.
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matthieusmom
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 244 Location: mississippi
Posted: 06-05-06 12:53pm
First of all it's not the easiest thing in
the world being a parent at 16 (i got
pregnant at 15) even though it was very
much planned and wanted, I have no
regrets. It sounds like you have
everything planned out but really think
about it. I mean me and his father has
done everything ourselves with little help
as possible. But now that he is 2 he
wants everything and i'm soo glad that we
are able to give him what he wants. I
mean we are stable and able to do
everything we want so now that we are able
to do that we are trying for baby # 2.
But I know everyone is trying to tell you
to wait, all i'm going to say is to make
sure she is really ready for the whole
thing (going to school pregnant, dealing
with what everyone says and her mom and
dad) but if that's what you want go for it
but really think about it
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I want to be a mommy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 May 2006 Posts: 221 Location: Missouri
Posted: 06-05-06 13:13pm
Sounds like you have evrything planned but
how is she going to feel whens shes 18 and
friends are going to clubs and she has to
watch her child or when the are 16 and
cruising around with a baby inthe
backseat. There is alot to think about
i'll be 22 and my husband 25 and we know
that us trying will be a whole differnt
life style for us. We go out all the time
and are lifes will change but we had our
fun. I would say wait a few years b/c you
can miss out on so much and you have your
whole life to have kids why now what is
the rush........Life holds struggles, do
you both have a secure job, vehicles that
run in good condition, a home that you
own, credit, there is so much to think
about. And 15 I hadn't even thought of
sex at that age
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 06-05-06 13:21pm
Slow down, wanting and having a bay are
two different things. You are both too
young! Sure, their are girls having
baby's young but that does not make it
right for you. If you really and truely
love each other a baby can wait. A baby
is a 24/7 day a week responsibility, like
the other person said, yes they look good
and this and that but look at all of the
reality, what would happen if you had to
go into the military. Their is plenty of
time to have a baby later. Believe me
once a couple has been married for 5 to 8
years a llot of things change and
sometimes not even that long and then she
ends up as a single parent or yourself,
you may not believe it now but it can
happen as anything is possible, I used to
think the same thing of my marriages(that
I was in love and that our marriage would
last forever) but I was wrong and you
could be too! I know you will not listen
but I did want to put my two cents worth
in too.
The best to you both!
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james919
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jun 2006 Posts: 2 Location: tampa, Florida
Thank You Posted: 06-05-06 13:41pm
I want 2 thank everyone that answered my
question. I will talk 2 her today and
tell her how I feel. But it will probably
be best if we do wait. I mean u guys are
right. We should at least finish college
and get finacally stable. Once again
thank u for the advice. I really
appriciate it!! :d
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megums1211
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Posts: 883 Location: Ohio
Posted: 06-05-06 13:59pm
No problem :wink: enjoy your time with
her :) you'll appreciate the time you have
together once you do have a baby someday:)
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rinsha
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 305 Location: Alabama
Posted: 06-05-06 14:02pm
I am 18 just turned 18, I have been with
my fiancee for two years. I would love to
have a baby with my fiancee, but we don't
have the money. And are not ready for it
yet.
How long have you two been together? You
two are 17 & 15, do you realize the
toll your body takes from having a baby,
it ages a girl by 3 years? Where would
the money be coming from? Does she have
insurance, the 9 months of doctor's
visit's? The baby when its born the back
and forth trips to the doctor?
There are alot of things you have to
consider. Does either of your parents
know your plans? Think about it this way,
you would want your baby to have
everything it wants right? And be able to
provide your child with everything it
wants, as soon as the baby is born, it
starts crying, from the first breath, this
is the first want.
I hope you two are able to take care and
afford all of the bills. Jobs at night,
with a high school diploma where are you
planning on working to make enough money
to pay for all these things, and a house
with all the bills to pay for you as well
as her having needs as well.
Just because you cut cell phones out, and
cars, that still doesn't cut enough money
to support three. By the time your kid is
18 think about how much money you have
spent, if you can afford it. Think about
yourself as a child growing up wanting
toys, probably wanting to play sports,
nice clothes, shoes, etc. Your girlfriend
as well. I am sure if you think back,
there were alot of wants, and needs, do
you think your prepared to take care of a
child as young as you both are?
I believe you two should really consider
waiting, it would only be fair to the
child as well as you two. You're both
still very young and have teenage years
left. There are still so many things to
do at your age, bringing a child into the
world pretty much means you are focused on
the child. Play time for the parents it
over. Once a baby is born do you know how
much sleep a night you get? Not very
much, every few hours the baby will wake
up needing to be feed, diapers changed and
such. She will still be in school a
junior, how much sleep do you think she
will manage to get? You will be working,
she will be home by herself getting woke
up and having no help. And going to
school the next morning, she will be so
tired and worn out. There is no possible
way she will be able to do this at night
and the next day have plenty of energy to
keep up in school. The baby would be
around 3-4 months old.
I have had two friends last year that both
went to school pregnant, had the baby
during the school year and went back in 6
weeks. One with the father there to help,
and the other without any help. Both had
parents to help take care of the child
during the day. How will you manage to
sleep during the day, taking care of the
baby and go to work at night?
Consider what I have said. There alot of
things you need to think about before
having a baby. I hope you two make the
right choice, some manage to pull it off,
but its a very hard life at such a young
age. Its nice you have all these things
planned out, but how about after you two
have both finished school, and gone to
college there is plenty of time for kids.
Not when you two are just kids yourself
still. Enjoy youth while you have it and
don't regret making a decision you weren't
ready for. After you two are finished
with school, which will be a couple years
off then, reconsider.
Good luck!
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candita_sky
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 02 May 2006 Posts: 522 Location: in the land of pooh bear
Posted: 06-05-06 14:30pm
I am glad that you are going to wait.
Keep us posted on how it is going.
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rinsha
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2006 Posts: 305 Location: Alabama
Posted: 06-05-06 15:51pm
I am glad to, there is plenty of time..
Good luck to you two!!! :d
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notafan
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Apr 2006 Posts: 95 Location: pa
Posted: 06-05-06 20:28pm
The other posters have good advice about
waiting. 17 and 15 is just too young.
Babies are cute and little but they grow
fast, they become toddlers, then
preschoolers, then they go to school and
their needs just grow and grow, and so do
your responsibilities.
I found parenthood hard enough even when
we were in our 20's, married, with college
degrees, in our own home, and with two
well-paying jobs. Learn to take care of
yourselves before taking on the
responsibility of another little human.
How about getting a goldfish instead?
Oh , and use birth control yourself (a
condom) every time you have sex, even if
she says she is using it.
