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cherry88

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Share Our Stories <3 Posted: 06-07-06 04:46am


Hey everyone thought id starts a new topic cause jaime's is gettin a wee bit cramped :p does anyone want to introduce yourself properly and share you story?? I wont start as no1 might not reply.Lol but anyone feel free to start... Cherry88 :)

Moo

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Posted: 06-07-06 17:21pm


As no-one has started this I might as well! I had my abortion in my final year of university. I was using the pill and became pregnant totally unexpectedly. From the moment I found out I was sure I didn't want to have a child - I knew it would have meant taking a year out and my course was so important to me. I have always had an ideal about having children too, I wanted to be married and have enough money to be able to provide in the way I wanted to. I'd had a miscarriage about a year beforehand (using the pill with that pregnancy also) and I knew I didn't want a medical abortion as of my experience then. I ended up having a surgical abortion at 11weeks, with the support of my fiance. It was difficult, i'd had two scans beforehand and I was aware of both the stage of development the fetus was at and the nature of the procedure. I had a general anaesthetic. The staff at the clinic were wonderful (i went through bpas). I had counselling beforehand and had a tablet to take the night before the termination. I cried before I went into surgery, I wished i'd not been in the position where I needed an abortion but I knew it was the best decision in my situation. Following the abortion I cried for about to days. I felt totally useless and couldn't understand why I was feeling that way - I didn't regret it and I knew that but I still felt sad. I found an online support group and I feel i've healed wonderfully from the situation. I was lucky in the fact that I had a great clinic and people to speak to afterwards. My mum was devastated when she founf out but I managed to complete my degree without having any time off which kind of made it worth while.

cherry88

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Posted: 06-08-06 01:55am


Thanks for replying! Im so glad you are happy with your choice and got a good education, and followed your heart, moo :)

toja

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Posted: 06-15-06 11:57am


I experienced one abortion a year ago. I got pregnant with a guy who I liked a lot but unfortunately he was a bad man :( he promised me many things including marry but never really kept his promises :( it was hard to decide to have an abortion. Abortion was performed by suction, pregnancy was 5 weeks. Phisically, I felt no consequences. But three months after the abortion was performed I suffered from mental pain. I regreted about that. I would have given anything for possibility to have another baby, I felt like this would redeem from my sin. Although, I knew it was right thing to do. By the way, I broke up with that guy after the abortion. Step by step I started to feel myself happy. One year later (now) I am in almost the same situation :( :( silly me :( this time I would keep the baby with the only one condition (that doesn't exit) - if I would love the father of the child. But no, he is just a man who I have been dating to, unfortunately, I got pregnant from him. If I loved him he would make all my dreams about having a real family come true... But the truth is I don't love him. But somehow, god wants to put the baby in me. We used protection. It happened accidently. Then why this second time for me????

Carifairy

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Posted: 06-15-06 13:51pm


I have ben pregnant 3 times, 3 aboritons..... Sex can cause pregnancy, condoms can have little rips in them, and the pill can fail soemtimes. I cannot answer why unplanned pregnancies happen, but I can tell you that I am glad we have a choice in the matter.

cherry88

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Posted: 06-15-06 20:55pm


Thanks for sharing your stories girls :) thought id share mine too...It might be a long one so you'll have to excuse me. I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant, I fell pregnant on the 7th jan 2006. I found out when I was 8 weeks pregnant, with a clear blue early response. When I first saw the + sign I thought I was wrong, cause ive always been so careful with contraception. Part of me was happy, and part of me said to get rid of it straight away. I rang my best friend and told her the news, immediately she told me to get rid of it. It tought she said it cause she had one a couple of months earlier. But really she knew it was the best thing for me. I went to my boyfriends house later that day and told him, he told his parents and his mum went skatty. Calling me a slag, saying I was stopping him from having a carrer, trying to trap him. All of this stuff that wasnt true. I couldnt believe how she was reacting, seh really liked me up until now. His dad wouldnt look at us. And woudnt even talk. He still doesnt all these months later. My boyfriend of 8 months decided that it would be best to get rid of it. That we could have children when we are older, have money, and when we are married. Which will be in 2 years (rolls eyes) well thats when we are gettin married. And said I wouldnt be able to celebrate my 18th, as im a bit of a party girl. Anyway, I had a early medical abortion at 9 weeks on the...10th of march this year...I was almost 18. When I went though the abortion, it felt wrong. I sat on the toilet whilst my baby was coming away, it took hours of pain, it was just wrong. I got in the bath to stop the pain soon enough I was in a pool of my own blood. I stood up and had a shower. Fell down, I fainted and had dizzy spells. Soon enough it stopped. I thought that was the last of it. All the meds in the world couldnt have stopped the pain. The next day I started having contractions, and passed more... Then it stopped. All of this was bad for me, and due to my boyfriends job he couldnt be with me the whole time. I dont really regret it, it was for the best, afterall I cant work at asda struggling all my life. Im going to start college this year, to study as a midwife, my dream carrier, and follow on the family job. And im not going to look back. I made the right decision for me, my boyf and the baby. And i'll never regret it. Thanks for reading. Cherry88

BuzzyBee

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Posted: 06-19-06 05:05am


What a lot of stories, all I can say is thankyou all so so much for sharing them because they are so valuable to us all. More so than you can ever realise. Thankyou so much and I wish you all, every success in the world. Xxx

cherry88

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Posted: 06-20-06 05:58am


Cheers buzzy. Cheers ladies, sharing your stories helps alot. My heart goes out to all of you. Its great knowing im not alone. Thanks again xxx

jaime_elms

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Posted: 06-21-06 17:03pm


Well.. Hmm I will write here too:) xx to all u that dont know me. I had my abortion on the 11th of may 2006. I found out I was pregnant when I was 10weeks, I decided to have an abortion for all the wrong reasons. But some maybe right reasons. I have been with my bf for 4years, he basically told me to keep the baby and be alone. Or have an abortion and he will stay with me. I jus didnt know what to do at the time. I wanted my baby so much, but my choice seemed so hard, and I had no money to support my baby, and I didnt want my little boy not to have a daddy! Also was jus the wrong time, and my head was all over the place..I booked abortion when I was 11weeks, and well the nhs made me wait 6weeks, which I think is crap and well outa order.So I chose to abort. Basically my waters broke, and I was in labour from 8am - 21.00 when my baby came out. I was in agonny all day. And had loads of complications. It was awfull. My bf was there with me all night and day. And we were both crying, wasnt nice...

jaime_elms

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Posted: 06-21-06 17:08pm

Luv ya hun xx

cherry88 wrote:

cheers buzzy.

Cheers ladies, sharing your stories helps alot. My heart goes out to all of you. Its great knowing im not alone.

Thanks again xxx

cherry88

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Posted: 06-21-06 18:39pm

jaime_elms wrote:

luv ya hun xx

luv u 2 babe! :d

Birch

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Posted: 06-27-06 16:55pm


I want to share my story as well. I was 26, living with my boyfriend of 3 years. He is a remarkable man and I wish for no other. We are still together and committed for life. I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I had used contraception in the past, but had an adverse reaction to every single kind so we were using the notoriously unreliable "coitus interruptus" method, which obviously I don't recommend to anyone. I was sicker than a dog for three weeks before I even suspected I was pregnant. Bought a test, immediately came out positive. However, my denial was so bad I actually called the # on the box to make sure I knew exactly what I was reading! (and i'm working on a master's degree). I remember after the lady on the phone confirmed that yes, the test indicated that I was pregnant, and I was in shock, she asked if it was okay for her to ask me some survey questions! I numbly did, hung up, and bawled uncontrollably on the bathroom floor for an hour. I called my boyfriend at work, who was very supportive and "we'll get through this somehow" and "you're not alone i'm here too" was said alot. We decided on abortion, although ideally I would have liked to have gotten married, had the child, and lived a 'normal' kind of life. I have always been exactly- "pro choice for other people, pro life for myself". However, we were poor, going through school, and have a whole lot of life left to live for ourselves before we can properly commit to raising a child. Adoption was out- my family is made up of adopted peoples and it is not always a good thing. I have not regretted having the abortion, just regretted having to do it. I have mentioned before that I think when women are pregnant, some kind of maternity hormone kicks in and they become more of the mind to bear children. It's hard to fight thousands of years of conditioning! I adamantly never wanted kids before, yet now I wonder what it would be like to go through pregnancy and have a child to raise. Even though it would be disastrous right now, every time my period comes I get a little wistful. Anyone else feel this way? Thanks!

jaime_elms

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Posted: 06-27-06 17:48pm


I understand how u feel. I had mine 6weeks ago, and I had my first period since and was awfull. Knowing that what I did was real., I wish it was a dream. And its hard to accept. I regret mine, and also reget having to do it.

Birch

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Posted: 06-27-06 20:44pm


Jaime, I am so sorry. You have my upmost sympathy and anything else you need. :( i'm sure you did what you thought was right. Did you have someone pressure you? I kind of feel like if I was left on my own, I would've kept it. God knows my life would be hell now, but I wonder if I could've done it. Since you regret it now, do you still advocate pro-choice? I teeter. Sometimes I think, dammit, women shouldn't have to do this, bearing children is natural, it's what people are supposed to do, to provide abortion is only tearing down women further. But then I remind myself that until we as a society provide for women better (insurance, child care, educational grants, getting father's responsible) and the stigma is erased than abortion there must be. However, if my friends ask, I am honest and tell them that I advise against abortion. At any rate, try to forgive yourself if you have to. It sounds like alot of people on here have loving ears, and that helps, too.

jessicamarie

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Posted: 06-28-06 01:35am


Okay. I think it would be good for to talk about mine since.. It's been bothering me a lot lately. For a few days after I had sex I already knew something wasn't right.. I started feeling different.. My boyfriend kept telling me I was okay and nothing was wrong.. I didn't believe him. And well he didnt believe me. (we have been together for a year and almost 7 months) soon it became my pd week and I had no pd then finally went to a clinic and did a test.. Now this was the weekend before my last week of hs. It came out pos of course and well we sat in his car for about an hour crying and trying to figure out the best of course it was abortion bc well 17 then and have nothing to support a baby with. Now I had to tell my mom and it was almost jsut as hard as ahving to go through the abortion. I had to tell my mom I was pregnant.. I ahven't even told her I was having sex yet.. Eehh.. And my mom wasn't even mad at all which made it better bc she knew how I felt.. She became preg when she was 17 also but she had me instead. So I went to get it done I was about 6 weeks and I had suction done. I was completely put to sleep bc I couldnt bare to know what was going on I was so scared I was tears before I was even in the rooma nd told the guy who put me to sleep to hold my hand through it all.. He did which was nice..Everything went ell and now i'm jsut going through the 'depression' I guess.. It upsets me that it couldnt have been later in life and that for a little bit there there was something that was ours. I know I did what was right for me and my boyfriend and family. It's hard to stop thinking about the what if's ..Thanks for reading and I hope it made sence

jaime_elms

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Posted: 06-28-06 05:45am

Yeah im still pro-choice

birch wrote:

jaime, I am so sorry. You have my upmost sympathy and anything else you need. :( i'm sure you did what you thought was right. Did you have someone pressure you? I kind of feel like if I was left on my own, I would've kept it. God knows my life would be hell now, but I wonder if I could've done it.

Since you regret it now, do you still advocate pro-choice?

I teeter. Sometimes I think, dammit, women shouldn't have to do this, bearing children is natural, it's what people are supposed to do, to provide abortion is only tearing down women further. But then I remind myself that until we as a society provide for women better (insurance, child care, educational grants, getting father's responsible) and the stigma is erased than abortion there must be. However, if my friends ask, I am honest and tell them that I advise against abortion.

At any rate, try to forgive yourself if you have to. It sounds like alot of people on here have loving ears, and that helps, too.

love4all

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Posted: 06-28-06 14:41pm


Hello everyone. I am brand new to this forum. And this is my story. I am 22 years old. And I had an abortion in feburary of this year, so about 5 months ago. I have been married for 3 years, and I have a 2 and half year old son who is my greatest joy in life. He was born at home, we had a mid-wife. But 4 days after he was born we had to take him to the hospital and he was in the hospital for 10 days, and the doctors never told us what was wrong with him, only that he was a little dehydrated. It was a very terrible experience. He was in icu for 5 out of the 10 days, hooked up to all these machines and tubes. I cried the whole time we were there. After we got home, I was very sad and depressed, I believe I had post-partum depression, everytime my son cried, I cried... So.. Back in feb. When I suspected that I was pregnant, I took two home pregnancy tests, and they came back positive. I talked to my husband, and immediately we both knew that we were not ready to have another baby. I am enrolled to go to massage therapy school starting in august, and I was not ready to give that dream up, and I still have so many mixed emotions and fear from what happened after our son was born. I strongly felt that I was not ready emotionally to have another child. So we (my husband and i) made the decision to get an abortion. I called the clinic and scheduled it. I remember I was amazed at how sweet the lady was one the phone. We struggled before going for the abortion, feeling guilty that we were going to do it, as everyone around us strongly believes it's wrong, and he grew up in a christian family. But somehow we still got there to the clinic and went through with it. The people were all very nice and understanding, during the procedure that doctor stopped though and told me that I needed to relax, so I did, and it only lasted 3 minutes and I was out in the recovery room. I felt relieved. Weak, but relieved. Now five months later, I felt a strong need to read about other peoples experiences, and I found this forum, thank goodness. I wanted to share my story and get it out there. But these days, I do admit that I feel pangs of guilt and sadness. I look at my precious son and I ask myself why I didn't want his sibling? It's not that I don't want another child, but now is not the time, and I just don't know that I could have held up emotionally when I am obviously still dealing with the trauma and sadness of his time in the hospital. The day before I went in for the abortion I called my best friend of 10 years, and told her what I was going to do because I just needed to talk to someone... And she basically told me not to do it, that I would regret it and that it was wrong. I told my reasoning, why I wasn't ready and had to go. She actually said to me "so, later after you finish school, will it be conveinent enough for you!?" and she said things to me like I was being selfish and I wasnt thinking about what that baby could grow up to be. .. Blah blah blah.. It was easy for her to talk hot air and judge me because she wasn't in my position. I love my son, and I am a good mother to him. And I want to be the best mother I can. I felt that having another baby this soon might hinder my emotional capability to be the mother my children deserve. Thank you all for being on this forum, you are angels. Love to all.

jaime_elms

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Joined: 12 Mar 2006
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Posted: 06-28-06 14:52pm

Hi there hun, I read your story and I understand why u had ur abortion as it could have affected ur health aswell. As you where going through depression. It is hard afterwards I mean its been 6weeks since mine and I cry evernight. Although felt pressured to have my abortion.

love4all wrote:

hello everyone. I am brand new to this forum. And this is my story.

I am 22 years old. And I had an abortion in feburary of this year, so about 5 months ago.

I have been married for 3 years, and I have a 2 and half year old son who is my greatest joy in life. He was born at home, we had a mid-wife. But 4 days after he was born we had to take him to the hospital and he was in the hospital for 10 days, and the doctors never told us what was wrong with him, only that he was a little dehydrated. It was a very terrible experience. He was in icu for 5 out of the 10 days, hooked up to all these machines and tubes. I cried the whole time we were there. After we got home, I was very sad and depressed, I believe I had post-partum depression, everytime my son cried, I cried...

So.. Back in feb. When I suspected that I was pregnant, I took two home pregnancy tests, and they came back positive. I talked to my husband, and immediately we both knew that we were not ready to have another baby. I am enrolled to go to massage therapy school starting in august, and I was not ready to give that dream up, and I still have so many mixed emotions and fear from what happened after our son was born. I strongly felt that I was not ready emotionally to have another child.

So we (my husband and i) made the decision to get an abortion. I called the clinic and scheduled it. I remember I was amazed at how sweet the lady was one the phone. We struggled before going for the abortion, feeling guilty that we were going to do it, as everyone around us strongly believes it's wrong, and he grew up in a christian family. But somehow we still got there to the clinic and went through with it. The people were all very nice and understanding, during the procedure that doctor stopped though and told me that I needed to relax, so I did, and it only lasted 3 minutes and I was out in the recovery room. I felt relieved. Weak, but relieved.

Now five months later, I felt a strong need to read about other peoples experiences, and I found this forum, thank goodness. I wanted to share my story and get it out there. But these days, I do admit that I feel pangs of guilt and sadness. I look at my precious son and I ask myself why I didn't want his sibling? It's not that I don't want another child, but now is not the time, and I just don't know that I could have held up emotionally when I am obviously still dealing with the trauma and sadness of his time in the hospital.

The day before I went in for the abortion I called my best friend of 10 years, and told her what I was going to do because I just needed to talk to someone... And she basically told me not to do it, that I would regret it and that it was wrong. I told my reasoning, why I wasn't ready and had to go. She actually said to me "so, later after you finish school, will it be conveinent enough for you!?" and she said things to me like I was being selfish and I wasnt thinking about what that baby could grow up to be. .. Blah blah blah.. It was easy for her to talk hot air and judge me because she wasn't in my position.

I love my son, and I am a good mother to him. And I want to be the best mother I can. I felt that having another baby this soon might hinder my emotional capability to be the mother my children deserve.

Thank you all for being on this forum, you are angels.

Love to all.

sandyallen

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Posted: 06-28-06 22:40pm


Noone has a right to judge anyone for what they do! They are not walking in your shoes and you cannot live by 'if,' or would have, could have, should have. Sure, if I had not have been married to the jerk that I was married to , I would not have gotten kicked in the stomach at 5 and1/2 months pregnant but I was and it happened and it was a horrible thing but I have to forgive him myself and move on. I believe that sometimes things happen that we have no control over sometimes to make us stronger and sometimes they happen and we do not know why but their is a reason and although maybe we may never know the reason is. Sometimes we need some outside help or to write it down. I wish you all of the best! Edited for typo error Last edited by sandyallen on 06-30-06 22:37pm; edited 1 time in total

Birch

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Posted: 06-28-06 23:47pm

love4all wrote:

hello everyone. I am brand new to this forum. And this is my story.

...

Thank you all for being on this forum, you are angels.

Love to all.

hello love,

it is very easy for people to make judgements when they are not in your shoes. Do not let them get you down. I think many people are pro-life until the double line appears on the pregnancy test and reality hits.

It sounds like you made the best decision you could for yourself and your child. Best to you during this healing phase.

Jessicamarie, how long has it been since you had your abortion? And yes, it is hard when you play the "what if" game. I hope that soon you will look ahead and do all you can do for yourself.