I used to cut myself, but I stopped doing
that a while ago. I just feel like
starting all over again. There's so much
pain in me right now and no one can see
it.. Noone cares
it all started about a month ago. School
examinations, of course. And I became
more and more depressed after each paper.
You know, postmortem. Found out that I
shouldn't have changed the answers and
those kinda stuff.
Just two days ago, monday, I was just too
depressed. So I sat myself in a corner
with a dead-tired look on my face (my
original self for once, instead of always
faking a happy smile), and didn't speak a
single word for the entire day.
Just now, my mom scolded me for showing my
"depressed self" as if I hold a grudge
against the whole world. She didn't even
bother to ask me what was wrong. We got
into a pretty big argument.. Verbal
diarrhea.... My brother even helped my
mom to go against me.. None of them care
about me. Sometimes I feel that I
shouldn't be alive..
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buttons119
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Dec 2005 Posts: 34 Location: lafayette, colorado
Talking Helps Posted: 06-07-06 16:09pm
I am the mother of two grown children, and
I have to tell you even though I would
like to think that I was tuned in with my
children now that they are grown I realize
that I miss read them lots of times.
Maybe you need to sit down with your
mother and really talk to her and tell her
how you are feeling. Tell her you need
to have a private conversation so that you
don't get input from other people. I
know that probably is not cool, but hay
who is to say what is cool and what is
not. I will listen any time and there
is always councelors at school, good luck
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w0rldd0minat0r
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 238
Posted: 06-07-06 17:38pm
Sorry... I really dont know why but I
found it really hard to give u sympathy...
You wrote in such a way that u were
trying to tell out your life in the most
dramatic way.
Im currently doing my a levels atm... And
feeling a lil down.
When I was doing my gcse's I had severe
depression... Its just about feeling like
u cant cope...
So let me get this straight... Your
depressed because you had exams about a
month ago right and u got some answers
wrong.... Surely if u had put time into
revising then u would have known these
answers...
Im sorry if your feeling like your down
and im giving u very little sympathy but
if your feeling like your down its no good
keeping quiet all day. Its quiet clear
that you've had a one off rowl and its
easy to feel like its been going on
forever.
When I was at the same stage as you I took
on this idea that the whole world is
against me that I was unloved by my
parents and that nobody cares and it
doesnt change anything.... I don't want
you to fall into the same thing as I did
the only thing that can sort out your
problems is not your mum sitting you down
and telling you that everythings going to
be ok and that she loves u, what needs to
be done is you need to face up to the
problems in your life and do something
about it... Such as if you didnt get as
good exams results as you were hoping then
work on maybe resitting them if its
possible or to really stop sitting there
telling yourself that lifes too hard and
just sit around being depressed... Listen
to me on that... It really wont get you
anywhere.... Ur grades wont change you'll
have just alienated urself from your
family and fallen behind further with your
studies
whats done is done what you need to do now
is take some time away from life and think
about what you need to do to your life
back on track despite how bigger task that
may feel like...
It is easy to make your life easier...
You know inside yourself that the only way
that you can change whats happening in
your life is admitting your mistakes and
getting over them in a positive way...
You know yourself that your family love
you and that they would miss u terribly if
u werent alive...
Please listen to my advice I didnt spend
this time late on a wednesday evening to
just think im stupid... Cos I kno thats
what I would have thought really think
about it....
U will come to this point you just need to
work out whether you need to go round that
cycle of feeling very depressed before you
can tackle your problems or whether you
feel like you are strong enough to sort
them out, which wont take much time, and
start living like a happy teen again...
I really wish you the best of luck....
Dont persue the road down depression
because however attractive it might seem
to you at this point in time it is very
grim and quite destructive
be constructive and good luck :)
|
AvatarOfUrDreams
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 67 Location: Chicago
Posted: 06-07-06 19:01pm
Wow...
I mean... I guess I can see where you are
coming from with your responce but, dude,
having your whole family telling you it is
all caca and that you should just get over
it (in so many words) is the worst thing
that can happen...
Just sitting there feeling depressed is
one thing...
Just sitting there feeling depressed
because you tried to talk to your family
about it and having them blow you off is
just messed up!!!
How dare you say such things like, that's
the only reason your depressed? What is
wrong with you! Makes you the most
callous jerk on earth!
When I am lucid I realize that my life
doesnt' suck that much... But once the
illness kicks in the depression comes and
there is nothing you can do about it...
Do you honestly think that all those
people that have commited suicide in
history were thinking rationally when they
did it? Do you think that it is rational
when we cut ourselves???
It isn't and that is the whole freaking
point... This is an illness!
You yell at this health forum like you are
god all mighty, like you are judge and
jurry, but you are just a calous person
that must have no social interation to be
that innept at interprateing emotions...
Why is it that if you have a mental
illness everyone is allowed to tell you to
put a freaking smile on your face, think
happy thoughts, and everythign will be
ok??
Why can we be yelled at and shunned by the
world??
U can't go scream at a guy for having
cancer...
You will never hear "god damnit dave!!
How can you be so self centered that you
feel it's ok to get ebola! How selfish
are you??"
you lost a limb? Well I guess you did
that just so that you can stay at home and
get attention!
what???
I have friends, well, x-friends, that
still going around saying that I am saying
i'm depressed and have ptsd just for the
attention... Even the fact that I need a
new hip is played off as if I am doing it
so that I can be lazy...
You have really pissed me off with your
statements that make it sound so easy to
make this all stop and to put down the
knife...
You make me sick...
Now, girlie... You do need to try to make
things better but don't let your family
get to you too much... They are totally
incapable of understanding what is going
on inside your head...
It's like asking a guy to understand being
pregnant...
It is just beyond their abilities...Yet
they feel that it is ok to tell you how to
"cure" yourself because they have gotten
sad once or twice in their lives...
Honestly... This might be part of pms...
Depression and borderline personality
disorder (it's what makes you want to cut)
are truly exaserbated by horemones...
Hang in there and be aware that not all of
us are as stupid and calous as ^that
guy!
Good luck honey!
|
september65
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 19
Posted: 06-07-06 23:54pm
Thank you all for trying to help me out
here.
W0rldd0minat0r, do you really think that
i'm "pursuing the road down depression
because it looks attractive"? Honestly,
did you deliberately make yourself
depressed when you were doing your gcse's
because depression looked attractive?
Hmm..
During my argument, my mom too, told me to
not be quiet all day. But I had nothing
to say! I really didn't know what to say.
So I asked her what did she want me to
say? I didn't read the papers that day so
I couldn't discuss the latest news with
her like I always do. She just wanted me
to talk! About what?! There really wasnt
a purpose to talk. She didn't ask me
anything that day, if she did I would've
answered. Unless she wants me to make
noise, then sure.. I can make monkey
noises if she wants me to. It's like
asking someone why didn't he go to the
toilet this afternoon? I think it's ok to
be quiet since I really really really had
nothing to talk about!
|
w0rldd0minat0r
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 238
Posted: 06-08-06 10:51am
avatarofurdreams
wrote:
wow...
I mean... I guess I can see where you
are coming from with your responce but,
dude, having your whole family telling you
it is all bullhealth question and that you
should just get over it (in so many words)
is the worst thing that can happen...
Just sitting there feeling depressed is
one thing...
Just sitting there feeling depressed
because you tried to talk to your family
about it and having them blow you off is
just !@#^ed up!!!
How dare you say such things like, that's
the only reason your depressed? What is
wrong with you! Makes you the most
callous jerk on earth!
When I am lucid I realize that my life
doesnt' suck that much... But once the
illness kicks in the depression comes and
there is nothing you can do about it...
Do you honestly think that all those
people that have commited suicide in
history were thinking rationally when they
did it? Do you think that it is rational
when we cut ourselves???
It isn't and that is the whole freaking
point... This is an illness!
You yell at this health question like you
are god all mighty, like you are judge and
jurry, but you are just a calous person
that must have no social interation to be
that innept at interprateing emotions...
Why is it that if you have a mental
illness everyone is allowed to tell you to
put a freaking smile on your face, think
happy thoughts, and everythign will be
ok??
Why can we be yelled at and shunned by the
world??
U can't go scream at a guy for having
cancer...
You will never hear "god damnit dave!!
How can you be so self centered that you
feel it's ok to get ebola! How selfish
are you??"
you lost a limb? Well I guess you did
that just so that you can stay at home and
get attention!
what???
I have friends, well, x-friends, that
still going around saying that I am saying
i'm depressed and have ptsd just for the
attention... Even the fact that I need a
new hip is played off as if I am doing it
so that I can be lazy...
You have really pissed me off with your
statements that make it sound so easy to
make this all stop and to put down the
knife...
You make me sick...
Now, girlie... You do need to try to
make things better but don't let your
family get to you too much... They are
totally incapable of understanding what is
going on inside your head...
It's like asking a guy to understand being
pregnant...
It is just beyond their abilities...Yet
they feel that it is ok to tell you how to
"cure" yourself because they have gotten
sad once or twice in their lives...
Honestly... This might be part of pms...
Depression and borderline personality
disorder (it's what makes you want to cut)
are truly exaserbated by horemones...
Hang in there and be aware that not all of
us are as stupid and calous as ^that
guy!
Good luck
honey!
well..... Where do I start with this
dude..... Omg.... Motormouth and theres
a lot of anger up in there... With very
little logic to knowing what he is talking
about.
Dude when your through your depression and
come through the other side then try and
talk to me in a reasonable manor because
dude you talk to much bs....
And also mate I know exactly how it feels
to be told that I am making it up... It
took a long time for people to realise
that there was something seriously
wrong.... Im not sure if its the same for
you but I had the same kinda feelings as
the girl in this message and im writing
how it helped me to come over the other
side...
I had to put down the feelings that it
wasn't worth the effort and it would be
easier going through death destroying my
body and slashing it open... Stabbing
myself through the gullet with a knife...
Dude ive been there to...
~ as I said its not simple to put those
thoughts past you and it might take some
time but thats where your gonna to end up
september at one point.
Being able to say theres a lot for me to
deal with... But im just gonna face it
head on no matter how hard they are and
how much of a struggle it is whether my
family is supportive or not (my family
didn't give two shits whether I was alive
or dead).
Whenever I feel like I have problems I
look at the third world its hard for us
people in the western world to comprehend
the kinda problems people have.... If you
have the time and money go buy geldof in
africa volume 3
its what I reflect on when I think I have
problems... Its a video btw....
Oh and btw about this comment....
"why is it that if you have a mental
illness everyone is allowed to tell you to
put a freaking smile on your face, think
happy thoughts, and everythign will be
ok??"
things aren't gonna sort out if you just
sit in a corner telling yourself that life
is bad, that the world is bad, that anyone
who tells you to sort your life out is bad
then your just gonna take yourself down a
road that no human being should go down...
So yeah....
You have a mental illness as you put it
and so do i.... But seriously dude...
Your never gonna be happy unless you do do
something positive because sitting around
writing abusive messages to people might
make u feel better in the short term but
really your life hasnt changed when you
wake up the next day....
(if you expect people to sit you down and
go there there I know life is hard but we
all care for you ... And how does that
make u feel? Go see a councellor they
just help you clear your head tho.... Its
you who has to sort yourself out its you
that has to sort out why your feeling the
way you are... And no its not pretty but
its gotta be done.... And when you come
out of this illness you will have
overcomed that and yes you will be able to
put a smile on your face and yes you will
think happy thoughts but u need to take
that step dude to go to the that point....
Just take some advice yourself
man....Maybe go see a councellor to try
and help you sort out whats going on with
your head.... Why your having these
feelings and then you go to cbt maybe with
the help of anti-depressants to start
tackling problems and sorting out the way
your mind works when tackling problems...
Good luck to you dude.... If you wanna
send anymore stuff saying im a bad person
go right ahead but pm me dude....
I really hope you think about this and
read it twice no matter how much of a
"jerk" and a "stupid and calous guy!" (btw
learn to spell to-sorry had to get that
one in- forgive me its just after u try
and take this p**s out of me for being
stupid at least right proper english)
