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~**RaYne**~

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Not Pregnancy Related... Posted: 06-08-06 18:12pm


Hey guys, im kind of new, ive only posted a couple of times about ttc...This has nothing to do with pregnancy and im sorry, I just feel I need to talk to someone and I really dont have anybody...Im gonna make this short as possible...Iam 24 years old and I have a 31 year old fiance we have been together 3 yrs (im white and he is black) hes had a really rough life, hes had to take care of everyone in his family since he was 12 years old (thats when he started selling drugs) his mother, 3 sisters, his brother and his grandmother still depend on him 100% to this day...He has 2 felony drug charges already on his record and to top things off I get a call from him this morning and the only thing he said to me was that the fed's had just got him (3 inditments) for trafficking cocaine and that he loved me more than life..My brother in law is a detective where I live and he said that he is facing 15 yrs - life in prison that broke my heart, all I have done is cried the whole day I dont know what im going to do because he is my soul-mate, I love him more than life and I cannot go everyday knowing I cannot see him and feel him. The feds searched his house and found some more drugs in his house, took all his money and took everything from him all his cars, furniture everything that he has. I dont know what to do, I dont know how to feel all I know is my heart is broke and I miss him already.. How can I get through this????

chase4

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Posted: 06-08-06 18:52pm


Sorry heres what I think..........Are u blind do u want to live a life as bad as he has lived he deserves to be in prison he is out selling drugs to ppls kids........He is a loser get over it............I could say more but I wont

~**RaYne**~

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Posted: 06-08-06 19:12pm


Hes actually not a loser, he has one of the biggest hearts in this world, he is such a wonderful person...He has been trying so hard to get a real job, but with his 2 felonies its hard for him to find a job and he would be such a hard worker..I understand totally about him selling drugs to peoples kids ( and I absoultely agree ) but you see this is all he knows since he has been doing it before he was a teenager, I have been trying to get him to stop selling ( I tell him all the time that I dont care if he only has a penny to his name that I will still love him not matter what ) he told me to be patient and that day would come and thats what I have done because my love for him is unconditional (even with him selling drugs). The bad thing about the whole situation is that he stopped selling about 5-6 weeks ago and he has started going to church and actually done a 360 with his life. The charges the fed's had on him was from 1 year ago and the stuff they found in his house today was some stuff that he hid and forgot about... Last edited by ~RaYne~ on 06-08-06 20:09pm; edited 1 time in total

arcadia

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Posted: 06-08-06 19:42pm


Rayne, all .I can offer as advice to you is that you're going to have to eventually grow &move on from all this. You don't have to forget about him, &you don't have to stop loving him. But you know, maybe there's more out there for you that you don't know about yet. Just give it time. I promise it will get better.

~**RaYne**~

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Posted: 06-08-06 20:06pm


Thanks so much arcadia for the post, im just really really scared!!! I just feel like he is my soul mate, nobody had ever made me feel the way he does. Today is only the first day and I know it will get better but I just feel there is nobody else for me but him and I also promised him that I will always love him, I just feel like I will let him down if I ever try to move on with my life (its just easier said than done) im all that he is got (well that really gives a damn about him)... I have got like 1000 different emotions running through me right now, I need to get it together because I have a big chemistry exam tomorrow...How am I gonna get used to him not being here by my side and not having him to hold and talk to...I really feel im going to have a nervous breakdown or something...What are the signs of a nervous breakdown somebody please help me im going crazy here all by myself...

notafan

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Posted: 06-08-06 21:42pm


Stop making excuses for him, get rid of him, and be very very glad you don't have kids with him or got married to him. Someone that has such a long history of criminal activity isn't likely to change anytime soon, and he is probably telling you just what you want to hear to make you stay with him. Oh he's trying , blahblahblah, oh he can't do better because of blahblahblah, that's all caca. Its excuses he's making and it will only drag you down. It's always someone elses fault! Boo-really-hoo! The soulmate stuff is crap - you know that you deserve better.

candita_sky

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Posted: 06-08-06 23:19pm


I am sorry for what you are going thru but honestly I think he is geeding you a line of bull. If this was from last year then why didnt they do something about it then?Why cant his family take care of them selves?That doesnt make sense at all. And how do you forget about having drugs in the house???Especially if he has changed. What if you guys had a child and that child got into the so called forgotten drugs?? I am sorry if this sounds harsh but face the facts and please rid your self of all of it I do know how hard it is but time does heal all. Best of luck to you.

arcadia

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Posted: 06-09-06 00:33am


Rayne, .I know you're scared. That's completely understandable. I know that you've been with him for a long time, &even if what he did was completely inexusable, .I know that it's the only think you've known for a long time, so regardless of the situation, it's going to scary, because it's different. I know you're probably wondering how you're going to get through it. But a day will go by, then another day, then a week, then a month, then 6 months, then a year, then two years.. You will get through it. &.You'll grow &learn that maybe what you thought was right wasn't actually right, &wasn't what you needed. You know what .I mean? You just have to be strong in yourself- as hard as it may be. If you need to, you can pm me anytime.

~**RaYne**~

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Posted: 06-09-06 07:32am


Thanks for all the replies, as for him taking care of his family, I only know what he has told me and that is because he has 3 sisters and 1 brother (he is the oldest) and he said that made him feel like he was the man of the house so he felt like he was the one that had to take care of his brother and sisters..You see his mom is a very sorry excuse for a mother, she jumed from one man to another, one job to another and from one house to another...He said he was so young that drugs was the only and easiest way to turn and before he knew it he was in all this trouble and could not get out of it...Believe me he regrets day one of it and no im not making excuses for him...I just love him for who he is and not what he has done or his criminal record, it never made me love him less...Its just sad because he was trying sooooo hard all he wanted was a real job which was almost impossbile... Anyway about the drugs he forgot about, he sold so much that he hid them any and everywhere possible and when the feds where searching his house they found them in the cushion of the couch...When the feds are watching you for something they are not going to pick you up immediately they give it time so that they can watch you and get more evidence on you I guess just to make sure the arrest is worth it!!!

Sunflower_pie81

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Posted: 06-09-06 12:40pm


Hun, I feel for you, I have nothing bad to say about your boyfriend. Some people are raised differently and people need to understand that just because he sells drugs and lives like he does, doesn't make him a bad person. However, there were crimes committed and he needs to make restitution for the things he did. If he goes to prison which I am sure he will since the feds have been on him for a year and finally picked him up hopefully he will learn his lesson and straighten his life up. He is older and maybe he will learn that when he gets out that it's not worth it and live a great life. He may be a good man, and it does sound like he has a good heart, taking care of his family like he did. My husband took care of his brothers and sisters because his mom was/is an no good lazy health forum. So I can see how it would happen. My heart goes out to you. My husband passed away a few weeks ago and I just thought I couldn't live without him either, without his touch, without his kiss....But you know what hun? Life goes on and you have to make the best out of it. I have a baby in my stomach that is helping me move along in life and I am able to get up every morning. You can't wait for him, or you will spend the next 15-life looking for him. There won't be another guy like him but I believe that you could find someone better. Your boyfriend was so dedicated to his family that he would have probibly run everytime they called. Your relationship would have gone down hill quickly because he would have always put his family above you. Also living a life of crime with him wouldn't have made your life easier. You need to be greatful that you didn't get preggers by him....Because you would be the one left to have and take care of your little one alone. Make since? It hurts now.....But believe me life goes on and it looks to me that your life will only get better.

Emma2

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Posted: 06-09-06 14:44pm


When we love someone and we brake up we all feel like there is no one else for us and we feel totally alone and empty. It is normal to feel what you feel but you need to try and move on . This is will your life forever with this man. Is this what you really want for your future?

Emma2

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Posted: 06-09-06 15:02pm


My brutally honest opinion on drug dealers? Nahhh huh! No way ! I also don't think that its was his only option in life . There are programs, shcolarships to help you out and if someone really wants to better himself and his family he would have done the nobel thing get a degree or something and support them that way.

Emma2

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Posted: 06-09-06 15:13pm

sandralynn wrote:

emma2 wrote:

my brutally honest opinion on drug dealers? Nahhh huh! No way ! I also don't think that its was his only option in life . There are programs, shcolarships to help you out and if someone really wants to better himself and his family he would have done the nobel thing get a degree or something and support them that way.

yeah but .Em... Most of the people that sink that low are too lazy to better themselves.

Its sad but true.

you know what, I agree with you. Its not laziness only its also a cop out and an excuse to use the "support the family" . Sorry when I was young we had money issues and none of my siblings satrted selling drugs to support the household. Its really just a bunch of excuses . Dont forget they love the lifestyle, women and the m.O.N.E.Y.!!

HcoBrunette06

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Posted: 06-09-06 15:26pm


This is what .E.B.A.Y is for!!!! Lol

Lalee

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Posted: 06-09-06 16:43pm


My boyfriend sold drugs before I knew him. He went to prison for it. Also before I knew him. He knows it was stupid. He admits that he started doing it out of curiosity and stuck with it because of all the money it provided. I'm sure it's the same for many, many people. He doesn't do it anymore. He doesn't even like to be around drugs or people who are doing drugs. He did make a complete 360 with his life after going to prison, so don't sit there and say these people never change. That's an ignorant point of view. He never tried to make excuses for what he did. He will freely admit that it was done out of selfishness (for the money) and because it allowed him to live an exciting life. But he grew tired of it. And he says that going to prison was the best thing that could have happened because, if he didn't get caught, he was probably going to end up getting killed. But, you know what? It doesn't really matter what his reasons were... Because that was a long time ago, and it had nothing to do with me. And because it's over now. The only difference between me and the original poster is that my guy doesn't do that stuff anymore. And he knows (because i've told him) that I would leave him if he ever went back to it, because I don't agree with it at all. I love him so much, and what he has done in his past doesn't affect how I feel about him, even if I think some of it was stupid. It also doesn't make him a bad person... It makes him a person who has screwed up due to greed, paid the price and learned from it. Rayne, don't wait for him. I would be willing to venture a really good guess that he doesn't even expect or want you to. If he really loves you, he will want you to be free of him. I don't mean that in a bad way; I mean that, since he can't be with you, he should care enough about you to want you to move on with your life. It's time for him to own up to what he's done.

chase4

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Posted: 06-09-06 16:49pm


Lalee just cause you dont ignore with some of our views does not make it an ignorant point of view

Lalee

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Posted: 06-09-06 16:52pm


In my opinion, any time an assumption is made on an entire group of people based on what has been seen in some people with the same traits and habits, it's an ignorant thing to do.

chase4

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Posted: 06-09-06 17:26pm


I meant agree instead of ignore

jozzie

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Posted: 06-09-06 19:06pm


When you are in a relationship with someone you become involved in thier life. You may think its just a romantic involvement but it really goes much deeper. You are intwined with every aspect of thier lives without even knowing it. He may be a drug dealer and you may be a fine upstanding citizen but dont kid yourself into thinking that the crap he is doing will not inadvertantly effect you because it will or probably already has. My friend was involved with a drug dealer. He thought that it would be a great idea if he went to a theme park on graduation weekend with a trunkfull of dope and sold it to all the kids. On the way there he got high and got into a car accident...My friend was in a coma for three days and has permanent devistating injuries...Loss of sight, motor skills, speech problems, weakend mobility...The list goes on. The accident happened when she was 20. For her it was a trip to the amusement park for him it was a good way to make some fast money...He ended up in jail for a short time and had to pay some fines but he will now have nothing to do with her. This is what could happen to you. You will end up giving and giving and waiting for him to change...But it will never happen, you are young...Get out while the going is good. People who deal drugs only care about themselves and wont be there for you when you really need tham to be.

tigresacanela24

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Posted: 06-09-06 20:58pm


Changed my mind not gonna touch this one