For about the past year or so I have
noticed that I have very strange thoughts.
My parents have recently got divorced and
are getting back together, but it started
before that. Whenever someone gets me
something I always think about throwing it
at a wall and screaming in their face. I
know I would never do that, and I am
grateful for what they have done, but I
still think about it.
More recently, I have started to think
about yelling at my parents and telling
them I hate them, and moving out and going
to a diffrent family. It makes me feel
really guilty and really bad because I
have the best family ever, but it still
happends.
I also think about harming animals when
i'm alone with one (i never have though),
but I love animals.
What is wrong with me? I want to tell my
dad but i'm scared he'll be mad at me,
even though he is understanding. I am
afraid that i'll get sent to jail or
something, even though I know none of this
will ever actually happen. I'm really
scared, and I want to tell someone, but I
don't want them think of me diffrent or
think that i'm some crazy lunatic. What
do I do?
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w0rldd0minat0r
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Feb 2006 Posts: 238
Posted: 06-13-06 16:54pm
I replied to other post
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loopy-one
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Apr 2006 Posts: 19 Location: UK
Thoughts Posted: 06-15-06 05:53am
I have had similar. Most of mine however
are me being passive, like i'm just
watching a film - not me but other people
commiting violent things. Rarely I see
myself doing anything. It is frightening
and horrible and hard to switch off. My
dad said he has sometimes had horrible bad
words in his mind that do not come from
him - my dad never ever swears, so for him
this is so against his character.
The only way I can explain these thoughts
is a loss of control or a fear of loss of
control - of yourself or other people
losing it. Its part of anxiety I think,
it affects your thoughts and images in
your mind you don't choose or want.
The point is - it concenrs you, you love
animals and you are in control of your
actions. The thoughts you are getting is
an extension or exaggeration of your fears
- losing control, especially the things
you hate the most. For my dad and myself
- it is things we hate the most that goes
through our minds. It gets you off-guard
though doesnt it, like when you're not
even thinking about anything, do you find
this too?
What I try to do is rationalise it, say
"this isnt me, it is my anxiety" and I try
to think of something positive and nice.
I try to not worry about it and it soon
passes. You're not going mad because you
are aware of these thoughts, and you are
aware it is not who you really are. Hold
onto that.
