Ever since I found out I was pregnant, i've had serious anxiety about my family. This is the first grandchild on both sides, and everybody is so excited about the baby. That would be fine, but their attitudes lately have really upset me. They basically act as if i'm just the oven for *their* baby.
Even before I got pregnant, I was never comfortable with the idea of family being at the hospital during labor and birth. I don't even like people around me when I have a cold. Labor is a huge deal, and I really only want my husband to be there. I've tried explaining this to everyone, and they don't understand why they can't be at the hospital. Not being in the room isn't good enough for me... I don't want them hovering outside the door either. I don't want to be having contractions and thinking "can they hear me right now? Are they listening for a baby crying?" I just hate the idea of them being close while i'm going through something like that.
I'm also extremely possessive about the first few days with my baby. I really want to get to know my daughter before other people handle her. I don't want to hold her for a few minutes or hours and then have all sorts of people rushing in to hold her. I know they're excited, but she's *our* baby. I'm going to be so sore and painful from giving birth to her, and I don't think I could emotionally handle someone else cuddling the baby that I just spent hours giving birth to. It's like, I fought to bring her into this world, and you're just going to waltz in and pick her up like you're entitled to her?
I've tried explaining how I feel to everyone, and they just don't understand. I *do not* want them around my child until I have the exact shade of her eye color memorized, until I know how many eyelashes she has, until I could pick the scent of her skin out of a lineup. In other words, I want to completely know my daughter before other people get their chance. Is that crazy? I don't really care. It's how I feel.
It's to the point now where i'm considering not telling anyone until after she's born. I can't get my point across to anyone without them getting offended, and I don't want to feel obligated to invite other people into my child's life when she's barely even seen her own mother and father. My stepmother has already said "you'd better call us the *moment* you go into labor". Why? So she can come to the hospital and hover outside the door? And then dance around impatiently until she gets a chance to see *her* granddaughter? Well i'm sorry, but screw that. This birth isn't about other people. This is about me, my husband, and our newborn child.
Am I alone in feeling like this? I seriously feel like a crazy possessive mother. Is it so wrong to want your child exclusively to yourself for the first couple of days?
