Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 8348 Location: Floating on a cloud, United States
Thanks: 191
Thanked:15
Dealing With Family Posted: 06-10-06 19:43pm
Ever since I found out I was pregnant,
i've had serious anxiety about my family.
This is the first grandchild on both
sides, and everybody is so excited about
the baby. That would be fine, but their
attitudes lately have really upset me.
They basically act as if i'm just the oven
for *their* baby.
Even before I got pregnant, I was never
comfortable with the idea of family being
at the hospital during labor and birth. I
don't even like people around me when I
have a cold. Labor is a huge deal, and I
really only want my husband to be there.
I've tried explaining this to everyone,
and they don't understand why they can't
be at the hospital. Not being in the room
isn't good enough for me... I don't want
them hovering outside the door either. I
don't want to be having contractions and
thinking "can they hear me right now? Are
they listening for a baby crying?" I just
hate the idea of them being close while
i'm going through something like that.
I'm also extremely possessive about the
first few days with my baby. I really
want to get to know my daughter before
other people handle her. I don't want to
hold her for a few minutes or hours and
then have all sorts of people rushing in
to hold her. I know they're excited, but
she's *our* baby. I'm going to be so sore
and painful from giving birth to her, and
I don't think I could emotionally handle
someone else cuddling the baby that I just
spent hours giving birth to. It's like, I
fought to bring her into this world, and
you're just going to waltz in and pick her
up like you're entitled to her?
I've tried explaining how I feel to
everyone, and they just don't understand.
I *do not* want them around my child until
I have the exact shade of her eye color
memorized, until I know how many eyelashes
she has, until I could pick the scent of
her skin out of a lineup. In other words,
I want to completely know my daughter
before other people get their chance. Is
that crazy? I don't really care. It's
how I feel.
It's to the point now where i'm
considering not telling anyone until after
she's born. I can't get my point across
to anyone without them getting offended,
and I don't want to feel obligated to
invite other people into my child's life
when she's barely even seen her own mother
and father. My stepmother has already
said "you'd better call us the *moment*
you go into labor". Why? So she can come
to the hospital and hover outside the
door? And then dance around impatiently
until she gets a chance to see *her*
granddaughter? Well i'm sorry, but screw
that. This birth isn't about other
people. This is about me, my husband, and
our newborn child.
Am I alone in feeling like this? I
seriously feel like a crazy possessive
mother. Is it so wrong to want your child
exclusively to yourself for the first
couple of days?
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MamiClaudia
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2006 Posts: 319 Location: Gastonia, NC.
Posted: 06-10-06 20:48pm
Hehe aww how far along are you? I think
its kind of sweet in a way how they all
wana see your lil baby but that sucks its
too much for you. This is your pregnancy
and I think you should be worrying about
you and take control of it how you want.
Hopefully you have alot of time to get
this into everyones head so they can be
expecting what you want by the time the
big day comes. I think wanting to have
alot of time with yourself at the begining
is really normal too. I have heard alot
of women need to let the first time mommy
sink in, and being one myself I feel that
way too! Its completly new and you are
going to be adjusting more then anyone
else you are the first time mommy and you
should do it all how you want and feel
comfy.
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8005 Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 2
Thanked:1
Posted: 06-10-06 21:16pm
Wow your family definitely sounds excited,
but if you tell them your wishes, and they
still refuse to listen I think when you go
into labor you should just go with your
husband and not tell anyone until the baby
is there, after a few hours. Maybe after
a while of being alone with your husband
and baby you can call them and they can
come and visit at the hospital, and you
can tell them that when you go home you'd
like to have alone time with your new
little family and would like it if you
could be alone for the first few days.
Hope that helps, even though i'm sure
you've already thought about what I said
lol good luck =)
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holliadrienne
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Jul 2005 Posts: 87 Location: indiana
Posted: 06-11-06 14:35pm
I totally understand where you are coming
from, and I am so hormonal and emotional
right now that reading your post made me
cry cause I feel like I must not be crazy
if someone else out there feels the same
way I do!
I am mostly worried about my in-laws, from
the beginning of this pregnancy they have
said if it isn't a boy then they want to
"send it back" because there are already
two girls in the family from my husband's
sister. I was very sensitive about that
because to even be able to get pregnant we
had to go through all kinds of infertility
treatments and were told we may never be
able to have children, so for them to be
so insensitive and stupid and rude as to
have a preference over the sex really
upset me, but lucky for them it is a
boy.
Now, they are all wanting to be in the
room at the hospital and I have straight
up told them no, that when we are ready we
will call them...I love that they are
excited and happy but he is our son, and
this is probably the only child we will
ever be able to have and I want to make
sure my husband, son, and I bond as a
family before sharing those precious
moments. We have told everyone that they
will be called once he is born and
everything is good, since everyone lives
no farther than half an hour away anyways.
That way they can still see him the day
he is born, but I won't feel so pressured
by having all 14 million of them in my
face while I am in labor.
I love my family but I understand where
you are coming from!
