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Pregnancy Forum > Pregnancy Forum > I'm Ready For a Baby, My Future-husband Isn't . . . . . :-(
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Q: I'm Ready For a Baby, My Future-husband Isn't . . . . . :-(
asked by: teia on August 17th, 2003
New User
This makes me want to cry it really does . . . *one of the reasons i'm posting it in it's own message instead of under my other message*. Please, give me your opinions . . . What should I do??????
-- insert message from other post*
i want to be pregnant.
I know it sounds maybe kind of 'stuck up' and 'self centered' but I feel i'm ready for a child. I'm getting married to the man I love with all my heart next month, we are both in strong jobs (i'm in child care, I only make 8.50/hour at the moment, but it will be increasing soon - plus I can get a discount on taking our child(ren) there). My husband (to be) is a marketing consultant and makes $21/hour. He says it's too expensive and he's making me wait at least 4 years before even trying . . . It makes me so upset whenever I think about it. I don't understand what his problem is, but whenever I bring it up he always throws a fit . . . It's so fustrating!
I'm ready for a baby in our lives, I know what it intails (i've been with children all my life - my mom babysit since I was little), and we have the great support of our parents . . . . But it doesn't seem to be enough for him. He says "if it happens, then it does, but we aren't trying until *whatever the date was he had in his mind*". And if I quit my b/c and don't tell him in order to get pregnant and he finds out he already promised me how livid he'd be.
I can handle a baby and i'm ready for one . . . I want one so bad. I try to understand his concerns but everyone he has there's no evidence behind (the cost, the problems, etc . . . ) except for "well, *so and so's* *such and such* says . . .. " Crying or Very sad

i need support now . . . . I really do!!
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CodeDiva
replied on August 17th, 2003
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Ive Been There....
Before I married my husband he didn't want kids, I on the other had always wanted kids. So before we married I wanted to make it perfectly clear that before we took this to the next step that he understood that children would be in the picture. At first he was ok and gave me the if it happens it happens stuff. 1 1/2 years went by and he did the same thing the upset setting down the rules, blah blah blah. One day I had it, I blew up and explained that is focus is directed to his needs with no compromise. He at that point saw the clear picture, my sister in-laws we starting families and here we were playing with his truck & toys. So we had to make compromises that worked for us both. We decided that in 6 months, not his let's wait another year and would try to conceive. He fought it in the beginning but he started to see how hard it was for me when my family were having kids & we were'nt. It's been a year and a month now and i'm pregnant, he is very on board with this!! Just know that prior to marriage see if you two can come to a mutual compromise that benenfits you both.
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Mommy2girls
replied on August 17th, 2003
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I really think the two of you need to come to a compromise before you get married, which I realize doesn't leave much time at this point!! It sounds as if your fiance makes the "rules" and you are expected to live by them! I would personally never be in such a relationship, but that is me!

Having children is a huge thing...Maybe you two could come to an agreement that you'll be married for a year (or two) and just enjoy each other, go on some vacations together, just have fun before you start having children!! But he needs to come to a compromise....No matter how much money you two make...If you wait until you can afford children, you'll never have them!! Children cost a lot of money, but they are so worth it!!! Talk to him more...Make a compromise...That's what being in a committed relationship is all about!! It's not one sided, you two need to find a happy median and meet somewhere in the middle!! Good luck to you sweetie...Let us know how things are going for you!!
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teia
replied on August 17th, 2003
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We Decided
We talked until 3 am this morning about it (yet, now it's my fault he didn't get enough sleep). We decided on my birthday (sept 17th) of 2007 we would start trying. I'll be 28 by that time, but we've come to an agreement. He wanted no earlier than 2008 or 2009 . . . But I stood fast to what I wanted, but he refused to go any lower, but this time actually gave me legitament reasons. Smile
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