Depression

Hi,

reading your post, I thought in some ways you & your husband are like me & mine - only in reverse. I'm 48 have had multiple medical problems for years (about 35) we married 20 years ago & have a daughter 15 & son 8. My husband works f/t & I was given medical retirement 6 years ago. My husband does alot of work around the house & we too haven't had sex for about 10 years(due basically to my health). We are both stressed, depressed & definitely lack patience & we both have trouble motivating ourselves, partly due to health issues, partly exhaustion keeping up with our 2 children, especially our son who's a "wild thing" & son on.

You can not motivate someone else, you can only motivate you, but it sometimes acts like a smile; when you smile people are more likely to smile back; so too if you start getting out, develop hobbies(& there are plenty you can do at home - painting, other art work, writing, internet chat rooms & information forums like this also forums on beliefs & I guess just about anything)your husband might follow suit(but that is up to him.

Is there anyone else (family member? Health service/home help for the ill? Cgurch or other aid agency?) that might be able to take some of the work load off your shoulders? Does our husband actually need f/t care 24/7? Does he maybe want you not some stranger or not to be left alone "in case"? Because everyone needs time for themselves, to go to a movie, read a book, join a club (social or common interest be it history society, writers group, bowling or whatever) & visit with friends & since your friends don't like him because of his attitude you need to go to them. You do have needs & rights - I too believe in for better or worse, but sometimes we choose to make it worse than it needs to be.

My husband has never been a paricularly social person & my friends became his when we married - he works but with acquaintances, he has just always preferred just us, so if my health means he doesn't get to do things - some of it is his choice - he could choose to change that at anytime. I made him join a local club but he chooses to never go, I suggest he go on his way home from work sometimes, have dinner & relax but he just grabs some takeaway & comes home(he's vegetarian so eats different food to the rest of us).

So think about whether you can get help with doing some things? Whether you can in fact leave him alone for an afternoon or evening without the world coming to an end? What you could choose to do in terms of visiting friends or joining groups or clubs or developing home based hobbies & what you choose not to do for yourself.

For better or worse doesn't mean slavery without time to & for yourself. You say sometimes you feel like you're dealing with a child, well I often (& so does our daughter) think that my husband is my 2nd son!~! So mayne that feeling is because you're dealing with a male rather than due to his health etc (ok guys down!! I teach my daughter to say "men" & my son to say "women" in the same exasperated tome).

Where do you go from here?? Consider the questions & suggestions I have posed/made & then the choice is yours!! Pm me if you want to chat.

Good luck

I feel for both of you immensly!!!!

Iam 36 and over a year ago I was hit by a semi that ran a stop sign.

I now suffer from extreme back pain and leg pain and at times loss of mobility.

Iam a stay at home mom.

I force myself everyday to get up and be motivated!!

There are so many days iam in such pain and no body knows.

Sometimes I wish just once someone give me a day of~~~ you look like
ur hurting how can we help?~~
my husband is wonderful but he is gone allot working.He checks on me constantly and I pretend.

There are days I don't and than I see how worried he gets so I pretend more.He doesn't even know how often I go to the back cracker becuse
he would worry more.

Iam pregnant and it has taken a long time I want this baby so bad iam sure it will be my last.He is my strength
but if I get down and he see's it he gets really depressed really bad
and blames it on himself.

Iam sure your husband is really depressed and that is really affecting
you!!!

The 1st reply((purple)) to you was good on giving you insight to another point.

I really try ignore how iam feeling if I didn't I would be in a really bad
state of mind and so would my husband.

So yes I smile to get a smile back!!

Have you talked with your husband? Have you told him how you are feeling? Maybe that would help him to see how you are affected!!!

Is there family that stops by to let him know they still care and is there
family to let you know they care also?


I pray for you all that you have the strength and ability to smile
and not to forget you are not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!