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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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8 Weeks Pregnant And Considering Abortion....
Posted: 06-15-06 11:19am
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Hi. I am 27 years old woman that got
pregnant 8 weeks ago. This forum is the
only place where I could look for advice.
I didn't want and didn't expect to get
pregnant and the more I think the bigger
is the stress for me. I made appointment
for next monday for having an abortion but
not sure yet what I suppose to do. The
good side is that my financial situation
is ok, my friend who I am dating for 3
months wants the baby and is able to take
care of it... The bad side is that I
don't love the father of the baby, the
baby would be mixed that makes me
concerned a lot. The country I am coming
from is absolutely homogenous (white) and
life for mixed people is difficult. My
friend is from the uk but I don't want to
move there cos I am not in love with him.
Generally, I could afford the baby and can
find no reason why I should not keep it.
On other hand I cannot find any reason why
I should keep this baby. I am simply
confused. I am not keen on babies but I
know one day I would be constrained to
have my own... I don't know what to do.
I had abortion once in my life, it was
hard but not so painful as I expected.
Nobody is forcing me to have an abortion
but myself. I hate this baby cos it is
not in the right time and not with the
right man, I simply phisically get sick
even if I have a single thought about
having the baby. I don't want it but
guess this is not a serious argument,
isn't it. Please help me with advice. I
still have 3 days and then no way back.
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
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Posted: 06-15-06 12:03pm
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I just read all I posted and I suddenly
felt so cruel... So hard-hearted.... I
wish I loved the baby inside me but I just
can't. It is out of my control. I feel
unable to love...
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Carifairy
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Posted: 06-15-06 13:43pm
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I have a great paying paying job,
wonderful fiance(getting married very very
soon) and have had an abortion.
There is nothing wrong with choosing when
you are ready to be a mom, and abortion is
an okay choice.
If you truly want to have an abortion for
your own reasons than it is all good!!
The only time that I would say don't have
anaboriton is if you were being forced or
coerced, because then it is not your
choice.
Http://boards.Babycenter.Com/n/pfx/forum.
Aspx?Webtag=bcus1143243
this is anothe rboard which is for women
who are having an abortion. No pro lifers
are allowed to post, and we are all
supportive.
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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Posted: 06-15-06 14:21pm
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Nobody is forcing me deliberately,
although I know that my parents and sister
would be more than sad about having a
relative not similar to them (my parents
are blond/blue eyes and the baby would
obviously be darkskinned) I myself am in
very big doubts if I ever can accept the
baby who is mine but has nothing mine in
appearance. I am afraid I would hate
him/her for causing troubles with my
family. Not talking about that I would be
a single mother. That's the biggest
problem. I know for those who are in the
uk or the us this problem might seem not
serious but in many eastern europe
countries it is a problem.
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Tylanas
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Posted: 06-15-06 14:44pm
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I don't think the race of the father
should play any role in this desicion;
that's just racist and so very 1800's.
I'd tell you to keep the baby right now,
if there weren't other factors.
The fact that you don't love him is
important. Because honestly, if you
wanted to keep the baby, i'd seriously
suggest marrying the father. And a
loveless marriage just because of a baby
is also so 1800's. Plus, you do't want
children at this point. This is totally
your desicion; and I think
that you have a level head, so if you
think about your options and weigh them
logically, you'll come to the desicion
that is right for you.
But seriously... The fact that skin color
is even an issue to you makes me think
down upon you as a mother figure. You
couldn't love the child? It would have
features like yours! It would just be a
beautiful caramel child :)
i honestly think abortion is your best
option. I wouldn't want to be that poor
kid.
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sandyallen
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Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Posted: 06-15-06 15:30pm
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I do feel that it is your choice but it
already sounds like you have made up your
mind. I would never want to bring
something into this world that I did not
want or felt that I could not love. I do
agree with .Cairifiry and .Eiri in a lot
of ways but I am here for your support!
Even if the guy says he will be around for
you one day, does not mean that he will be
around the next day.
I wish you the best with your decision, a
decision that you will be happy with!
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Carifairy
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Posted: 06-16-06 00:35am
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I understand your issues with race, and
although I think thatrace doesn't matter
to me, that is all! It matters to you
obviously, and that is okay. I am not
here to judge you, because that is not
helping.
You have to do what is right for you, I
do not live in your country, so I cannot
understand what you would go through as
far as hvaing a mixed race baby.
But being a single mom is very difficult,
ask anyone who has done it, and somehting
many women try and avoid.
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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Posted: 06-16-06 01:39am
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Thank you very much for your support.
Say frankly I am very shocked that in the
uk they do abortions until 24th week of
pregnancy. It is allowed in my country
only until 12 weeks because when a fetus
is ~15 weeks it starts to move already and
it becomes partially a human. I myself am
8 weeks and consider it as a late abortion
but taking in consideration this forum it
seems not so late.
I haven’t made my mind yet. The only
time I had abortion I was ashamed that
young dependant single girls can do it
(i.E. To have and raise a baby) and me
who is mature and independent cannot. So
I swore to myself do not do abortion
again.
I was pretty excited when I found out
about my pregnancy 1 month ago, my bf has
been very supportive as well. Suddenly my
mind started to change completely. I
became scared, shocked and depressed. I
realized that I don’t love my bf (or
maybe it’s just a consequence of hormone
changes in my body???) and I don’t want
to move to his place in the uk as he
suggested. Although it would be a good
chance for me to complete my life. I
expressed my doubts to my bf. He told
that I am strong enough to keep the baby
but he would support me no matter what
decision I will make. I’ve got freedom
to act! Maybe I wouldn’t mind to keep
the baby but my bad mental condition last
month exhausted me completely. Every
morning I wake up with thoughts “why it
happened again?”, “how dark would be
the baby?” “would my parents disown
their grandchild?” “why I don’t feel
love for my tummy?” “why I don’t
feel excited?”, “could I love this
baby if she/he is going to be not alike
me?” I am tired of having so many
doubts. I wish I fell in love with the
baby the same minute when I learned I am
pregnant. I know many women fall in love
with their babies no matter what their
condition is (single, alone, dependant,
young) and only bad external circumstances
can lead to abortion. I am not in love
with my baby although it should be, I wish
it would be otherwise but it is not. I
wish I change my mind during the next 2
days but it doesn’t seem to be like
that. I wish I want to keep the baby and
one part of my heart wants it but this is
too little..... I think maybe it is only
a pregnancy depression and I would be able
to love the baby when it arrives.... But
what if not???? I am against adoption of
my child.
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Carifairy
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Posted: 06-16-06 13:29pm
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Adoption is not for every woman, and you
should not be pushed to stay pregnant
"just in case maybe you will love the baby
once it comes out". Yes this can happen,
but if you are so unhappy and do not love
your baby, then it likely will not
change.
Anything under 12 weeks is early, I had an
abortion at 7weeks5 days, and most women
have an abortion around 6-9 weeks. Most
women do not find out they are pregnant
until 4-5 weeks, and then you have to take
time off of work, get the money together,
and find a driver to support you. So it
is very common for an abortion to take
place at 8 weeks.
One day(if you wanted) when you are ready
for baby you will 'know' it, you will feel
love and excitement about being pregnant!
It is okay if now is the time, an aboriton
will not affect your future fertility, and
you will have plenty of time to live your
life and get things accomplished that you
want.
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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Posted: 06-17-06 14:00pm
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Well say frankly I don't know any woman
who could not love their child once it
comes out. Also, I don't know any woman
that regret that she didn't make abortion
and gave a birth to a child.
I have always dreamt about being excited
of waiting for the baby, together with the
husband (which I don't have). Mine is not
the case. Although I have admit that some
part of me wants this baby. I told this
news to my mum today. She told that she
had 2 abortions and she even doesn't
remember reason of one of abortion why she
did that. She told me, she would support
me in any case. She told me that I should
decide by myself. Only one day left and I
am still in big doubts.... I don't want
to regret things. But I believe life
would be easier with the child in 7
months. Or... Maybe not?? If I fell in
to depression like many girls do I would
not be happy at all...
Some one told in this forum, make abortion
if you are 100% sure that you want it and
it's your decision not forced by someone.
I am sure maybe 70% that I want
abortion... And have only one day left
until my appointment with doctor........
Sorry for this long post but I am in such
big pain right now... :(
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Carifairy
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Posted: 06-17-06 14:16pm
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It is okay to be 70% sure, as long as you
are more sure than are not, that's what
counts in my opinion. I work in aboriton
clinics and talk to women everyday, I hear
some that say"i am 90% sure, only because
I wish I never even got pregnant right
now, maybe if it was later"....
If you are 70% sure you want an aboriton,
that means you are 30% sure you want a
baby...
I would tell you if you were 30% sure you
wnated an aboriton to not do it, because
you are ot sure enough!
So saying you are 30% sure you want a baby
is the same way, that is not sure enough
to have a baby imo.
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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Posted: 06-18-06 05:01am
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Thanks caryfairy. I kinda already made
decision this morning regarding abortion.
It is tough, very tough desicion but I
will need to cope with that. It easier
because it will be not the first time and
I already know what I am going through...
I pray though that it would be my last
time. I promised to myself from from now
and forever - never have sex with the man
who you don't see as the father of your
kids.
My appointment is tomorrow morning and it
will last for several hours. I guess I
would come back here with post-abortion
syndroms but that's is the price I will
have pay for all it.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Posted: 06-18-06 13:41pm
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If you try and be a little bit more
positive and realize the more positive
ways that you ae doing this, it might be a
little more better on you but if you are
ever in that much doubt you might want to
think about it a little more. Their
should be people there also that you can
talk to about it.
It is your choice and yours alone and I
wish you the best with whatrver your
choice is as I realize it is not an easy
one to make!
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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Posted: 06-19-06 06:10am
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I went today to my ab appointment and had
to wait for couple of hours. When they
brought in the room a woman after abortion
all in tears I got panic. Then they
asked me to go to operational desk. I
lied down on it and then.... I must
confess ... I absolutely got into panic
and said I am not doing this.........
The doctors got angry cos I was wasting
their time and they said "we give you 30
more minutes to think, it is ur last
chance". I called to my mom and we were
talking and talking. She was supportive
regarding abortion... But I didn't
dare... I run away from the clinic :(((
now, I am all confused, was it just panic
or I really don't want to do abortion???
Stupid girl, if I still want to do
abortion I am just wasting my time and
money.... :(
they also scared me that I might be not
conceive again cos it would be my second
ab. Now I am not feeling relieved... I
don't know what to do.
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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Posted: 06-19-06 07:14am
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More news from silly me. An hour after I
came back home from not succeeded abortion
appointment, I went back to the clinic and
arranged an appointment 2 days ahead. I
felt like I just had cold feet and I
really want to get rid of this uncovenient
situation.... My main reason is, that I
am not together with the father and I
don't want the child to suffer emotionally
not knowing the father at all.
Now, you have all rights to laugh at my
undecisiveness...
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erogers33
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Joined: 09 Jan 2006
Posts: 141
Location: Littleton, CO
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Posted: 06-19-06 17:31pm
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For once, I agree with lolbah... If you
aren't 100% sure about abortion, don't do
it. There's probably a very good reason
you walked out of the abortion clinic
today - you're giving your baby a chance.
Ultimately, you will do what you feel is
right. But .P.L.E.A.S.E think about this.
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Carifairy
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Posted: 06-19-06 21:57pm
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No laughs at all!
Some women do this, and I feel I would
rather see you walk out and take another
two days to decide, than be tooo unsure!
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toja
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2006
Posts: 34
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Posted: 06-20-06 14:48pm
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I have been thinking and thinking, and got
tired of thinking at all. My
consideration was based on practical
reasons because I feel nothing (ok, almost
nothing) for someone who is inside me.
Practical reason made my mind up towards
abortion.... Although I am very sad
about this decision, I think it is the
right decision... I cannot go through
all pregnancy with so many doubts in my
heart.. It would hurt me and the baby
alot. I feel the baby is suffering from
my constant undecisiveness whether I want
him or not. So my appointment (my last
chance) is tomorrow and I am going
there...
I would like to be that hero who keeps the
baby no matter what because she loves and
she wants. Unfortunately, I am not so
strong as I would like to be...
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Carifairy
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Posted: 06-20-06 15:59pm
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I think you are strong for admitting that
you are not ready to be a mom..
Women who are not ready for children and
cannot afford them are stronger to not
have babies, than women who keep having
babies and have to be on welfare.
You are strong! Just because people may
not like your choice doesn't make you any
less strong!
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sandyallen
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Joined: 02 Feb 2004
Posts: 4580
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Posted: 06-20-06 17:13pm
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Well said .Cairifairy! I wish you the
best toja!
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