for the past two years I have been having
suicidal thoughts every day. I cant cope
anymore. I have no energy left at all, I
nearly didnt write this post.. When I was
eleven, I suffered sexual abuse from a
member of my family. My father is an
alcoholic, I suffered years of mental
abuse from him. I just feel so empty
inside. I just feel like the easiest way
out of this is to kill myself. I know
this is depressing to read, but you can
imagine how it is to constantly think
about it. I have been to the doctor, she
put me on prozac, which didnt work. I
couldnt tell her about my thoughts because
my family cant find out. All of this cant
come up again. Seriously sometimes I cant
understand why I am still here.
Anyway, after persuasion from an online
friend, I asked to see a counsellor. But
I have to wait 16 weeks! How on earth am
I going to last that long? A day is
excruciating enough, never mind 4 months.
The thing that scares me most is that they
could send me to hospital...
Could a counsellor do that? What will
happen? I dont know if I can do this,
honestly....Ending it seems the best thing
to do.
Anyone have any experience with
counselling? Please help. I dont know
what else to do at this stage.
|
ed-will-kill
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2006 Posts: 9
Posted: 06-23-06 20:06pm
Hi there. I usually post in the eating
disorder forums, but I purge because of
depression, so why not post here.
I was feeling a lot like you before I met
my therapist. An eating disorder ruled
my life, and I had little will to live.
You probably know the feeling of waking up
and wanting only to go back to sleep,
because you know how much living can suck.
I lost scary amounts of weight, and went
to sleep drunk too many times. I didn't
care anymore...About living, about
success, about my friends. I couldn't
even cry anymore; I was just always sad.
Like you, two very close friends insisted
that I see a therapist. I was desperate,
so I gave it a try. It took some work,
but when I finally got to see one, it was
worth it.
Through therapy, I have recovered my life.
I have found myself, and have come to
love myself. I love my thighs, I love
food, and I love being sober. I still
have days when I don't want to get up, but
even then, the deep, deep love that I have
for myself keeps me from kneeling over the
toilet.
On therapy:
therapy will not...
...Solve all your problems
...Produce immediate results
...Be painless
therapy will...
...Give you someone to confide in, and
confide in completely (if you wish).
...Give you the oppurtunity to change your
life
...Give you the oppurtunity to find a
reason to live
...Give a you a chance to see the truth,
and complete truth.
...Show you that you are worth something,
and that, if you did kill yourself, you
would leave a gaping wound in society.
Give this counsellor a chance. Even if
he/she isn't what you're looking for, that
doesn't mean that you're hopeless. Keep
trying. Don't give up. Live for you.
