Desperately Seeking Your Advice! Posted: 06-30-06 18:04pm
Sorry if this turns out to be a long
story, but I need to know how the heck to
break up with my boyfriend. I've been
dating him for four years and we've been
living together for three and a half.
First, he moved from his home town to live
with me. We stayed in my city up until
one month ago. We both hated our jobs
and decided to quit them. We moved to
his home town a month ago to live with his
parents, which is where we are now.
Our relationship has been on a steady
downfall for a while now. As I mentioned
in a different forum, we never have sex
anymore but that isn't really the biggest
problem. We don't have much in common
and he never listens to me. It's either
his way or no way. I have made a lot of
sacrifices in this relationship to stay
with him but he is never willing to make
any (except for when he moved to my town
but that wasn't really a sacrifice. He
hated his town at the time and wanted to
move).
We planned on moving in with his parents
to save money (we don't have to pay for
rent, groceries, utilities, cable) so we
can to move to a bigger city. The
problem with that is that I have a lot of
bills of my own and a lot of bills to pay
still from when we lived together in my
home town. We've been in his town for a
month now; it took me three weeks to find
a job and he just started his new job
today. These jobs pay minimum wage and
my job is only part-time. So basically I
haven't saved any money yet and will not
save any for several months yet.
If that isn't bad enough, i'm graduating
college in three months and there's no way
I will be able to find a job in this small
town with my degree. My boyfriend
insisted that we would be able to save
money and be out of here at the end of the
summer. Now he's saying we won't be out
of here until january. I have to start
paying my massive student loan debt back
starting next april.
So anyway, I know I can get a job in my
old home town that pays a lot, and there I
could look for a job that has to do with
my degree (my city is about ten times the
size of his). My boyfriend doesn't want
to move back because he doesn't want to
work at the same place as me (and it takes
him forever to find a new job because he's
too lazy to look for one!). I think he's
being selfish. So why wouldn't I just
move back and him stay here? Because
neither of us have cars so we wouldn't be
able to see each other.
He's also accusing me of cheating on him
because I hang out with a guy friend some
times when I visit my town, but that isn't
true. I'm sick of his ridiculous
accusations. So because of all these
problems, I don't really think I love him
anymore. I want to break up with him and
move back to my town but I don't know how
to do it. This is the first serious
relationship i've ever been in. If I
tell him I want a break-up he's going to
say that I was cheating on him and that is
the reason why I want to break up.
Also, there is the huge hassle of having
to move...Separating everything that we
own because we've been living together so
long (who gets what?). I also don't want
to tell him that I want to break up
because i'm afraid he might destroy all my
personal possessions or become suicidal.
I am thinking of just taking off and
leaving a note (his family is going to
spend time at their cabin in the beginning
of august so I could pack up and move out
that weekend without telling him). How
should I do this? I could really use
some advice. Sorry this was so long.
Thanks!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 07-18-06 06:44am
Wow girl! Sounds like you got a
problem.You know what,who cares if he
accuses you of cheating on him when you
break up with him.You wont be with him
anymore so his words will mean
nothing(even though you really didn't).I
have been there before.My bf now saw me
talking to some guy in a truck in front of
our apt building.The guy stopped to ask me
why I was crying and my bf comes out and
yells "hey!!!!".I was like what?So after
that he thougth iw as cheating on him and
treated me like sh*t until I set his a$$
strait.Anywho,sorry for the rant.I would
do what you have planned but where would
you stay when you get back there?How woukd
you get there?Do you have the money for a
uhaul?I think it would be better for you
to leave while no one is there and leave
him a note.It will be easier and he can't
argue with you about it or make you feel
bad.You do what you need to do.Think about
you not him.You have thought about him the
whole relationship.Go girl!
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Honekaur
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 May 2006 Posts: 56
Posted: 07-21-06 01:18am
Hello, I have a quick update on my
situation. Last wednesday, my boyfriend
and I got into a fight which ultimately
led to my moving back to my home town. I
was thinking about doing it earlier in the
week so I asked my parents if I could move
back in with them, but I was undecided.
The fight was pretty much a final straw
and I got some friends to help me move out
(in the middle of the night!). Luckily I
didn't have much stuff; unfortunately most
of the stuff "we" owned was actually his
(i don't even own my own tv).
Then a few days later we talked on the
phone and he pretty much begged for my
forgiveness. He said he understood why I
needed to move and wanted me to continue
dating him. He was being very pushy
about it, calling me at least three times
a day, and he kept saying he was going to
save up and move back to my town so we
could get an apartment together again.
After two days of pretty much ignoring his
phone calls, I finally talked to him last
night and told him that I wanted to break
up with him. It wasn't easy and I know I
broke his heart, but I had to do what was
best for me. I'm not going to say I
didn't cry or that i'm happy about it
right now, because we did have a good
relationship at one point (otherwise I
wouldn't have stayed with him for almost
four years). Since moving back to my
home town, I got the job that I wanted to
apply for, i've been less stressed out and
happier in general (despite the fact that
i'm living with my parents again).
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Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 07-21-06 07:30am
'love' is out there alright. This is a
classic example!
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 08-01-06 12:48pm
Ugh. . .Good for you girl.I'm glad you
got out and did what you needed to do!
Maybe one day you will get back together
or you will find someone to share
everything with and you will .L.O.V.E
them to pieces! Good luck!
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 08-01-06 13:48pm
You need to do what you feel is the right
thing to do but you need to get a little
ahead with the bills and think real hard
about taking this guy back as you do not
need to be supporting him, I think that
you will know when the time is right, even
though you have not lost the love for him
it does sound like you have lost the
respect for him and respect has a lot to
do with a relationship!
All the best to you!
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Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 08-02-06 03:57am
Quote:
you will find
someone to share everything with and you
will .L.O.V.E them to
pieces
.
Until the next time she decides it's in
her .S.E.L.F. I.N.T.E.R.E.S.T
to sneak out in the middle of the night.
If you call that cheap, fleeting,
whimsical nonsense 'love', you can keep
it.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 08-02-06 08:51am
uzaman
wrote:
Quote:
you will find
someone to share everything with and you
will .L.O.V.E them to
pieces
.
Until the next time she decides it's in
her .S.E.L.F. I.N.T.E.R.E.S.T
to sneak out in the middle of the night.
If you call that cheap, fleeting,
whimsical nonsense 'love', you can keep
it.
um excuse me,he was doing
her wrong and she did the right thing.She
will find someone one day!
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Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 08-02-06 09:07am
Did he beat her? No, she said he
didn't listen to her. Love, true
love, is stronger than that, but humans
aren't capable of it as it is idealized.
No wonder divorce is on the rise.
A guy farts in bed, and the partner
starts having second thoughts.
Actually I would too if a woman let one
off in the bed while I was trying to
settle down into a decent night's sleep;
but I wouldn't be pretending that 'our
love' is anything but plain ol' selfish
centeredness.
Oh, and excuse yourself. Why
don't you answer my points in the other
threads? You called me ignorant
because I wouldn't answer your questions.
Well I have answered them now, so
formulate a reply already. You
won't though, because it is you who is the
ignorant, clueless but opinionated
airhead, not me
:twisted:
Last edited by Uzaman on 08-02-06 09:27am; edited 1 time in total
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 08-02-06 09:26am
uzaman
wrote:
did he beat her? No,
she said he didn't listen to her.
Love, true love, is stronger than that.
No wonder divorce is on the rise.
A guy farts in bed, and the partner
starts having second thoughts. Actually
I would too if a woman let one off in the
bed while i'm trying to settle down into a
decent night's sleep, but I don't pretend
that love is anything but plain ol'
selfish centeredness.
Oh, and excuse yourself. Why don't
you answer my points in the other threads?
You called me ignorant because I
wouldn't answer your questions.
Well I have answered them now, so
formulate a reply already. You
won't though, because it is you who is the
ignorant, clueless but opinionated
airhead, not me
:twisted:
verbal abuse is just as
bad as physical abuse thanks.I'm not going
to keep arguing with you since you decided
you wanted to stop our little argument
before.You didn't want to hear it so i'm
not saying anything please stop responding
to me,its getting old.Find someone else to
bother
love is fake blah blagh blah,its all in
your head,blah blah blah,its self
centeredness blah blah blah. . .Ok I
know what you point is so please stop
talking
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Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 08-02-06 09:29am
But she said that they argued, implying
that she gave as good as she was given.
Therefore if he abused her, then so did
she abuse him; in which case, both their
misconducts cancel each other out, and all
that is left is love.
But of course, there was no love in the
first place, so endeth the realtionship.
Anyway it's plain you have nothing to say.
You were banking on me not having
anything to say, but you were wrong. Run
little girly wirly. Go play with the
other kiddies outside.
The end.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 08-02-06 09:33am
uzaman
wrote:
run little girly wirly.
Go play with the other kiddies
outside.
The end.
wow,your mature and you
give great advise!
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Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 08-02-06 09:36am
Oh I get it. You don't want me to
respond to you anymore, unless it's about
something you can understand right?
This is the kind of conversation where you
are in your element isn't it; a
name-calling free for all. But to
discuss anything that requires some
thought, then you don't want to talk to
me. Run little girly wirly. Go play
with the other kiddies outside.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 08-02-06 09:42am
uzaman
wrote:
oh I get it. You don't
want me to talk to you anymore, unless
it's about something you can understand
right? This is the kind of
conversation where you are in your
element; a name-calling free for all.
But to discuss anything that requires some
thought, then you don't want to talk to
me. Run little girly wirly. Go play
with the other kiddies
outside.
i am an intelligent
person.I show more intelligence than you
do right now cause your making yourself
look like an @ss.You don't know
everything.Self interest and love are 2
different things and obviously you have
not even tried to experience love.So until
you do we have ne argument cause you don't
have all the facts.Oh,and grow up
pleasssse with the 'run little girl
wirly',lmao how old are you.This convo is
over.Keep replying and you will only make
yourslef look like a bigger fool
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diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 08-02-06 09:47am
uzaman
wrote:
did he beat her?
No, she said he didn't listen to her.
Love, true love, is stronger than
that, but humans aren't capable of it as
it is idealized. No wonder
divorce is on the
:twisted:
wrong, unfortunatly I agree with mel here,
hun you are better off without him a
relationship is 50/50 if a man/woman is
unable to compromise than the relationship
is better off done.
I am married have been for 3 years but
when we argue we always take each other
into consideration and if I have to bite
tongue even if I dont like the idea I will
sacrfice for a good cause but he does the
same.
The only reason ppl get divorced is
because they are unable to commit
themselves but the relationship isnt 50/50
then I completrly understand but see ppl
dont even want to attend marriage
counselling. From what I see, this woman
keeps giving and well her ex partner never
wanted to give some men blieve woman need
to do everything wrong we are equals and
should be treated that way.
Yes her ex partner has participated in
abuse and whether she argued or not he
still went beyond all borders which is not
acceptable whether it be a woman/man..
Congrats on being happy sometimes you have
to leave something precious in order to
find happiness and every human being
deserves to be happy!!
Intelligent enough to take a shower in the
morning and pay your bills, sure. But
intelligent enough to dispute what it is I
said about love and self-interest, nope.
If i'm wrong about that, then prove it.
I'm laughing at you because you can't even
come up with one decent well thought out
answer, after you called me ignorant for
not coming up with any answers of my
own.
Yawwwn.
Last edited by Uzaman on 08-02-06 09:56am; edited 1 time in total
Intelligent enough to take a shower in the
morning and pay your bills, sure. But
intelligent enough to dispute what it is I
said about love and self-interest, nope.
If i'm wrong about that, then prove it.
I'm laughing at you because you can't even
come up with one decent well thought out
answer, after you called me ignorant for
not coming up with any answers of my
own.
cool! :)
|
Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 08-02-06 09:58am
Diamondsz,
yeah that's real
interezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Last edited by Uzaman on 08-02-06 10:02am; edited 1 time in total
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Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 08-02-06 10:00am
Oh, and melissa?
Run little girl wirly. Go play with the
other kiddies outside.
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 08-02-06 10:03am
diamondsz
wrote:
uzaman
wrote:
did he beat her?
No, she said he didn't listen to her.
Love, true love, is stronger than
that, but humans aren't capable of it as
it is idealized. No wonder
divorce is on the
:twisted:
wrong, unfortunatly I agree with mel here,
hun you are better off without him a
relationship is 50/50 if a man/woman is
unable to compromise than the relationship
is better off done.
I am married have been for 3 years but
when we argue we always take each other
into consideration and if I have to bite
tongue even if I dont like the idea I will
sacrfice for a good cause but he does the
same.
The only reason ppl get divorced is
because they are unable to commit
themselves but the relationship isnt 50/50
then I completrly understand but see ppl
dont even want to attend marriage
counselling. From what I see, this woman
keeps giving and well her ex partner never
wanted to give some men blieve woman need
to do everything wrong we are equals and
should be treated that way.
Yes her ex partner has participated in
abuse and whether she argued or not he
still went beyond all borders which is not
acceptable whether it be a woman/man..
Congrats on being happy sometimes you have
to leave something precious in order to
find happiness and every human being
deserves to be
happy!!
thats what I was telling
her.She should be glad she got out.She
doesn't need to take that verbal abuse
from anyone.She needs to find someone who
will compromise and not accuse her of
being unfaithful! : ) thanks for being
normal jess lol
