Sexual Health - Men Forum - Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome (tms)

I am 41 years old, and I have been a sufferer of TMS my whole life. I have had sex with many women, but I have never been able to ejaculate by any means other than TMS.

I learned to do it around the age of six or seven. I lie face-down on the floor, with my penis curved to the left. My pubic bone applies pressure to my penis, much like squeezing a balloon. The pressure is felt inside; presumably near my prostate, although it feels somewhat deeper. I feel it as a deep, pleasurable "itch".

Now, to a young boy, this itch, coupled with the isolation and comfort of being on the floor, and combined with new sexual feelings as I got older, resulted in a rather lonely and strange interpretation of my own sexuality. I began to interpret this "itch" as being sexually penetrated. When masturbating, I would effectively hump the floor, and allow this pressure to build up, until I would ejaculate.

Now, as puberty arrived, I got erections, and nighttime emissions, and began to notice girls, etc. but I would always relieve my sexual tension through this method. As I reached adulthood, I found girlfriends, and even a wife (2 years) but while I was able to get erections, and even enjoyed the closeness and intimacy of sex, I was never able to ejaculate. Believe it or not, I would fake my orgams. Naturally, I've never been able to enjoy a blowjob completely.

In my 30's, I began to suffer from Erectile Dysfunction (ED). I also learned that "not being able to get it up" has a psychological toll on the women in your life. I rationalized why I didn't maintain relationships.

Furthermore, there was still the sensation that I fantasized was being penetrated. I was effectively gay while I was laying prone and masturbating (I have read this also on the Yahoo Groups TMS site as well), but while I am NOT masturbating, I cannot imagine being attracted to men.

Now, before anyone here simply assumes "well he's gay and not wanting to admit it" I can assure you that I am NOT. There was a point in my young adult life when I even experimented with men, and did not enjoy it in the slightest. My fantasies had grown so strong, that I had gotten together with other men (two occasions) and tried to enjoy homosexual sex. There was absolutely nothing about it I enjoyed. And THIS got me to thinking that perhaps some gay men "bottoms" (as they're called in the homosexual community) are maybe TMS sufferers whose syndrome has made them interpret their sexuality as homosexuality.

I'm now 41, and I have no women in my life. I have come to the realization that my sexual identity has been twisted by a masturbatory practice I began at a very young age. I simply do not find the same thrill as I do by setting my computer on the floor, and having very long (hours long) sessions of TMS while I look at porn and imagine being the woman in the pictures or videos.

How many sexual tastes and perceptions are begun when we're very very young? Pedophiles, BDSM, power-play, authority-issues, etc. While some are socially acceptable, some are NOT and ALL of them begin when we're most impressionable. People in our lives help shape who we are, but our sexuality is often shaped by what we allow ourselves to become. Right now, I am trying the 7 day program listed at healthystrokes.com, and I DO hope this issue of TMS makes it into mainstream awareness.