Addiction, Recovery Forum - Please Read My Story And Tell Me What You Think

My name is mike, I am 21 years old at the moment. But people call me an old soul.. I was born in a small town in california.. This town is like no other place, the people are different... Everyone grows up fast here, the first time I smoked weed I was in the 4th grade.. I was smoking cig's in 3rd.. The first toke out of that gravity bong I knew it was going to be a big part of my life.. Its not like I was smoking everyday in 4th grade but I have always had a brother 3 years older than me.. So I was exposed to the drug scene at an early age.. I come from a very wealthy family there have been millions in my family since the early 1800's but I have never been a spoiled rich kid. My parents provided everything I needed, but spending money, they figured I could make that on my own. So in the 7th grade, that’s exactly what I would do. Make it on my own. Since california being the weed capitol of the united states, and my brother having his connections in humboldt county it was easy to make money. By 8th grade I was selling over a pound a week making close to $3,500 profit on each pound. That’s allot of money for an 8th grader.. I started smoking about a 2 grams a day of the finest weed in the world. When high school rolled around it was a mess, I was going out to my friends cars to smoke in-between each class, I would smoke on the way to school and on the way back, then after school all day.. I enjoyed playing baseball, wakeboarding, snowboarding, and basketball. I was a stud in sports, even smoking weed so much. And with the bottle of clear eyes in my pocket at all times, no one ever really thought I had a problem. My grades were bad but they always were.. So no one even really realized what I was getting my self into...Of course I started doing the the other drugs, mushrooms..Extacy..Cocaine..Ghb...Pain killers.. What ever but never had a problem with them like marijuana.

One day I came home from school ( I was in the 9th grade 14 years old) and I walked into my house, there was about 2 pounds of weed, and 20 thousand cash on my kitchen counter, I looked around for my dad or mom and didn’t see anyone.. I looked on the other side of the island in the kitchen and there was my mother on the ground in tears... "i can't believe my son would want to ruin peoples lives, ruin their family's lives and put them in a long spiral of drug addiction" my mom is a very smart and strong individual.. She managed huge hospitals at the age of 24. She grew up with 4 older brothers so she knows allot about mischievous teens. She took everything, the cash the weed and I never saw it again. Little did she know the 2 pounds were on front and I owed it to a dealer. I needed to come up with $6,400 quick.. I have always been a computer wiz.. At the age of 11 I was going to stanford and ucla for computer programming and web design, and was onto of my class. But in school my gpa was a 0.0% at the time. I went into school the next day, walked into my web design class, and grabbed 4 laptops out of the storage unit and put them in my friends car.. Around this time this new website called "ebay.Com" had just opened so that is where I was going to sell the laptops...To make a long story short I was in a 10x10 cell later that day with a grand theft felony charge. I was 14! My parents got me out of juve the next day and I have never seen them so disappointed.

They had had enough! I was kicked out of school so I couldn't go back, I was still smoking weed everyday about an 1/8th a day at this point.. I was smoking with a buddy at like 2:30 in the morning on a tuesday night and I was so high I had to go up to my room and pass out. I woke up with 2 people in my room telling to "get the medical question out of bed" I first thought it was the dealer I owed the money 2.. But it wasn’t, they were escorts, escorting me to utah a wilderness camp... I tried to run several times and they caught me, so they zip tied me.. I tried making a scene in the airport but it didn’t work, they had papers. I spent 13 weeks in the freezing utah winter, hiking 7 miles a day and tons of group therapy.. Trying to get me out of my bad ways... Every night it was -3 degrees or less. It took allot for me to give in.. Most kids are in wilderness for 6 weeks tops.. But I wouldn’t give in, I resented my parents and wouldn’t do anything... Until I got my impact letter.. Its basically a letter explaining why I got sent away.. Both parents write their own letter and you have to read it aloud to the group.. That’s when I broke down.. Seeing it sober.. From my parents point of view.. By the time the 13th week rolled around I was totally fixed, I never wanted to smoke again and I was ready to come home and start my new life!

Later in the week I found out I was going to be spending another year in utah! At a therapeutic boarding school! I owed it to my parents to go, so I sacked up and took it like a man. I went straight from wilderness to this boarding school... I remember walking in and getting dirty looks from every kid in the school, there were kids all lined up facing a stone wall. I asked a counselor why they were doing that. He explained to me the demerate system.. If you cursed you get 5 "d's"(demerate) each d is 25 min.. Looking at a wall, standing. So if you say the f word you stand for 2 1/2 hours facing a wall.

They lead me up to the hall I would be staying in, each hall is a long room with 7 foot dividers dividing the room into 3 rooms.. That night a kid said that he liked my basketball shoes and he asked if he could borrow them. I said no because I hadn't even worn them yet because they were brand new.. He hit me in my face and broke my eye brow open I didn’t want to any trouble so I pushed him down and kicked him and ran... That night I was dragged out of the top bunk bed and beat by 9 kids at once, with metal hangers, belts vacuum cords and boots. I guy jumped off of a top bunk on top of my shoulder with his boots and dislocated my left shoulder.. I grabbed a belt from a kid with my right hand and started trying to hit every one of them in there faces with the metal belt buckle, I started punching them in their faces and all of the anger I have ever had about being in utah or being taken from everything that I enjoyed in life. To make a long story short I was beat for the first couple nights but eventually it stopped. On the 5th day I walked into my hall and there was a kid getting raped by 2 other kids in the next room. I ran downstairs and told a counselor.. I was known as a snitch from then on.. The rape wasn’t a normal thing, it was the first time in the history of the school it had happened. I kept taking the beatings and finally I snapped on the basketball court, and gave a kid permenate brain damage trying to defend my self. Since everyone liked the kid and I didn’t have many friends yet, I got blamed for the whole thing.. I was shot up with thorozine and dragged unto "isu" its a room about the size of a mattress all white! They gave me 300 d's for the fight, and I had to stand them in isu. That’s 7500 min. Standing looking at a wall. With a 5min break every hour.. This school was a very bad place, filled with very bad kids and I was not one of them. I smoked and sold pot! That’s about it! These kids were here for assault, selling crack in the bronx and armed robbery! I sacked up got my school work done and stayed in this place for 13 months! I don’t know how they got it.. But the kids would always find drugs..Nutmeg,tripple c's robotessen, listerene, meth, acid, heroin, anything you can think of. By the 4th week of the 13th month rolled around I was ready to go home to california and change my life around..

Later that week I found out that I was going to another boarding school in utah, but this one being a very good school that could get me into a better college just from graduating from it. I knew it was better than my current situation so I needed to go.

I was half way through my jr year by this time.. I went to this good boarding school got straight a's, started varsity basketball, went to the state championship, won homecoming prince/king, prom prince/king, my jr and senior year, and had won various snowboard competitions. Having sex with ceo's of major companies daughters, life was great...I smoked weed about 5 times at that school but stayed away from it...

I graduated high school with a 3.0 gpa it would have been a 4.0 if it wasn’t for the first year of high school...I could have stayed in utah and played basketball for southern utah university.. Or go study psychology in the bay area at a very very exclusive college. I picked the bay area.. I went to school and got into all of my old habits again, meaningless sex, drinking, cocaine, and was smoking more than ever before.. Since the bay area is already in northern california it was easy for me to flood my college with pounds of weed. I got kicked out of the college for driving around campus with my car full of girls, drunk off my ass with 90 beers and an oz in the trunk. I had to go to a community college without a drivers license for the rest of the year.. I had my own apartment and I couldn’t leave because of my car situation.. This is where I started gambling.. I took all of my money that I had ever made off of selling weed or anything else, and lost it all in about 2 months in online poker. Over $30,000.. And my bank account was overdrawn $2,000.. Instead of breaking down like in the past, I needed to figure out a way to make legit money and not disappoint my parents again. I found out the money that can be made in the online gaming industry and I started a website that would bring players to online casino's in bulk.. I made a program that would mass message every table on every online casino my website address and made $9,000 my first month. I knew my troubles were over.. I kept reinvesting it back into my sites, expanding and coming up with new break through ideas.. Started an offshore marketing company bringing in over $300,000 a month.

I’m not happy, I smoke over a quarter oz to my self a day but don’t drink or do any other drugs.. I never saw any physical effects from marijuana until about a month ago.. I coughed spit in my sink, and it was like I spit out a ball of resent. When I go out of the country on business I make sure I have weed or I cant go.. I have tried stopping, but I couldn’t eat, sleep, or be nice.. I was sooooooo irritable.. My parents know I smoke weed again and I really want to quit. 4 them and for my health.. I have been doing it for years so I feel that it is a part of my life forever! All I do is work smoke weed, and hang out with my girlfriends. I want to experience life sober again, but I just cant stop its all around me at all times and I have enough money to support my ever-growing habit. At this point I don’t know if I would be happy being sober. But a quarter a day.. Is going to kill me soon I believe.. And im too afraid to get a lung scan or anything. I’m only 21 years old and I live the life of a 40 year old. Running a company and going on business trips.. I was just out of the country 3 weeks ago and bought a guys weed sack off of him for $300 and it was about 5 grams of shwag! Im crazy I dunno. I have quit before, but I don’t know if I can do it this time.. I seriously feel like im detoxing off of heroin or something when I try. Please tell me what you think. I have lost 9 friends to the drug business and drunk driving.. I want out! I don’t think its physically possible at this point.. Also marijuana has been in my life for 13 years now it has made me who I am maybe I shouldn't quit? What does everyone think?