Adjusting to Being a Single Mom...please Help! Posted: 08-06-06 22:11pm
I am 21 yr old female and I had a baby
last october. I was with her father for
2 years prior to becoming pregnant and
things were wonderful...Of course they
always are in the beginning. But I truly
felt like I was going to spend the rest of
my life with him. Then he turned 21 and
things started to go down hill. He
wanted to go out and whatever i'm sure he
was pickin up other girls to..Who knows.
He had suspected that I was pregnant and I
didn't think anything of it because I was
on birth control...But when I didn't get
my period he suggested I take a pregancy
test so I did and it was positive. He
was so excited in the beginning. Then
i'm not sure what happened. It was like
once we found out it was a girl he was so
disappointed and it was like he lost
interest. He wanted a boy so badly but I
feel like this was a gift from god and as
long as the baby is healthy who cares what
the sex is. I don't know what happened I
look back now and I noticed we had been
drifting but I was so wrapped up in my
pregnancy that I didn't seem to catch on
to the clues. Now I feel like an fool.
Basically he had found someone else and
i'm pretty sure he loved her and not me.
What I have such a hard time understanding
is why? What did I do to make him not
love me? I can't explain all the details
because it would be way to long...But to
shorten things up I hope this is making
some sense, if not just ask me. Then of
course when our daughter was born we tried
to overcome what had happened and we were
"happy" once again. I really wasn't but
I tried because I loved him and I love our
daughter and I wanted to be that perfect
lil family. But I just felt so
suspicious all the time ...And it wasn't
long before he started playing his same
old games again. We have been split for
almost three months. When I was with him
I wasn't happy but when i'm not i'm not
happy. Why don't I feel relieved to be
away from him? I miss him so much...And
by the way he is already moved on...Why am
I the one suffering through the pain?
Why in the hell do I miss him???? He
treated me horribly and I sit here and
take care of our baby and I miss him...It
doesn't make sense. I still love him
with all my heart and how can he so easily
walk away from us?? Why am I the one
suffering??? I can't take this anymore.
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laura79
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Aug 2006 Posts: 4 Location: Ontario
Posted: 08-16-06 22:22pm
It sounds like you are going through a
very rough time right now. Going through
a break up is never easy. Having your
first baby is always a challenge as well.
Having both those things happen at the
same time.... Anyone would be feeling
the same way you are. Right now things
may seem crazy but they will get better.
This guy is no good!!!! I know you know
that, but it just hurts right?! You need
to surround yourself with any family and
friends that you have. Dont be afraid to
ask for support from them and take what
they can offer. Have you thought about
joining a single parent support group? A
group like that may help you get through
some of the tougher times and give you the
chance to talk to someone in similar
situations.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 08-16-06 22:58pm
It is the void right now. In time you
will meet someone the way that you deserve
to be treated. Just remember that it is
his lost, you got it all, you have his and
your.Daughter. He is the one that did
wrong. We are here for you!
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koa
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Aug 2006 Posts: 63
Thanks! Posted: 08-17-06 16:31pm
Thank you for your advice I really
appreciate it!!! I would have to get
some references to single parent
groups...I would like to join one though I
think it would help me! I have also
signed up to take some college courses and
I have put my daughter in daycare two days
a week while I go to school. Her father
helps but only when its convienent for
him. I know I didn't do anything wrong
and I just have to remember that. I am
glad I have people here for me on this
site. It really has helped me. I have
come a long way since we have broken up.
I feel soon I will be ready to meet
someone new. I feel it will be good for
me to be single for awhile but I just
think it would be nice to have someone to
hang out with. Again thank you for the
advice!!!
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ccris123
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2006 Posts: 58 Location: Kentucky
Posted: 09-06-06 13:33pm
Sometimes you have the weed out the bad
ones before you find a really good one. I
left my son's father right before he was
born, but for a whole different reason.
He became abusive and a stalker. My son
is 6 now, and he's a part of his life, but
at the same time...It's at his
convenience. I thought my world was over
back then. I have since completed
college, got a good career, got a good
lawyer (always a plus), found a good man,
and have since seen better days. Make
sure that your ex pays child support.
Don't let him get off the hook. He helped
create that beautiful little girl. It's
also very important to remember that it
wasn't anything you did in the
relationship. Some men (and women to be
fair) have the 'rounder or 'roundem motto.
They're always lookin "around her {or
him}" for the next best thing. It takes a
lot of work being a single parent. And I
think that it's great that you're taking
your life into a positive direction.
Kudos to you! Good luck. If you ever
need any help that can suffice over the
internet, give me a yell.
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RosieB
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2006 Posts: 3 Location: Scranton, PA
He Doesnt Love Her Either Posted: 09-12-06 09:26am
Hey just wanted to post a reply to you.
I dont want you to focus on who this man
loves. He doesnt love any woman, believe
me. He is looking through the candy
store, taking a bite and putting the
leftover part back in the candy box..Do
you know how nasty that is when someone
leaves partial pieces of candy in the box?
Anyway, he is very selfish and
self-centered, thinking only of himself
and is certainly not thinking at all of
his daughter!!! He never loved you hon
and he does not love any other woman
either! So dont think you did anything
wrong or that he likes her better than
you. She is just another woman to him,
another fun time, another candy to test
and leave the rest of it behind when it
doesn't please him. This is certainly
not the kind of man you want to raise a
child with.
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RosieB
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2006 Posts: 3 Location: Scranton, PA
He Doesnt Love Her Either Posted: 09-12-06 09:27am
Hey just wanted to post a reply to you.
I dont want you to focus on who this man
loves. He doesnt love any woman, believe
me. He is looking through the candy
store, taking a bite and putting the
leftover part back in the candy box..Do
you know how nasty that is when someone
leaves partial pieces of candy in the box?
Anyway, he is very selfish and
self-centered, thinking only of himself
and is certainly not thinking at all of
his daughter!!! He never loved you hon
and he does not love any other woman
either! So dont think you did anything
wrong or that he likes her better than
you. She is just another woman to him,
another fun time, another candy to test
and leave the rest of it behind when it
doesn't please him. This is certainly
not the kind of man you want to raise a
child with.
