Giving And Taking In a Relationship.. Posted: 08-09-06 17:04pm
Im 22 and my gf is 20. We have been
together a year in I am unhappy with our
physical relationship. Not just sex but
other types of intimacy. I am a very
giving as far a affection goes, I
constantly give her back massages, caress,
and kiss her. She rarely initiates a kiss
and never initiates any making out and
refuses to give back massages. As far as
sex goes she is my first and I gave my
virginity to her because I am in love with
her but sex is not what I expected it to
be. It happens once every two weeks,
sometimes once a week. Im often turned
down when im aroused. She refuses to do
any postion but misionary and lights have
to be out. Sex is when she wants it, and
how she wants (and she does not do any
"other" sexual acts for me). She
acknowledges that I am very physically
affectionate and that she is not. She
wants a boyfriend thats affectionate like
me but feels she does not have to return
the favor. She feels that it is just the
way she is and if I dont like it I can
leave. I feel like being affectionate
toward someone you love is a choice, I
dont like to give back massages any more
than she does, but I like doing something
that makes her feel good. Is she right,
is this something I should just accept as
"the way she is" or is she being a selfish
lover? And why is she this way?
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Re: Giving And Taking In a Relationship.. Posted: 08-10-06 08:08am
theodoric
wrote:
she wants a boyfriend thats
affectionate like me but feels she does
not have to return the favor..... Is she
being a selfish lover?
sounds like a selfish lover to me.
True everyone's different and everyone has
a different sex drive.........But like
your title says....There has got to be
some give and take. :)
|
Sereena
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Posts: 30
Posted: 08-10-06 16:32pm
It does seem like that's the way she is.
Although, I know I would at least try to
compromise in that situation. Not being
willing to try is the selfish thing here.
Some people just aren't as big into sex
and affection. Sometimes it's nature, and
sometimes they just aren't comfortable
with themselves and their bodies. Low sex
drive + lights out seems like a huge sign
of that to me. Has she always been like
this?
I would suggest a few things:
1. Talk to her about this. Don't accuse
or get angry, just ask her if something is
wrong.
2. Maybe encourage her to talk to a
counselor.
3. She may be a woman who is heavily
influenced by setting and mood. Make sure
you do special things for her and keep up
the messages and whatnot. Go all out with
candles and music, etc. Sometimes that
can kickstart an unhappy woman's sex
drive. I think it's why a lot of married
couples stop having sex. The men stop the
courting.
Relationships with different levels of
affection and differing sex drives can
work, as long as both parties are willing
to put in the effort. Just make sure you
consider this relationship in the long
run. Will this continue? Get worse? Get
better? Can you keep it up?
|
fox1lady
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Aug 2006 Posts: 53
Posted: 08-11-06 19:12pm
I've learned through past experiences
that, it time to move on...I am married
now but I was in a three year relationship
before my lovable husband, and once I
found that person who gives in return, it
is untouchable..So if you have to break it
off and find someone else to explore that
horizon..It is a lot of fun...Please
believe me!!!
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