Need Help With My Relationship Posted: 08-22-06 09:59am
Hi....I don't know how to say this or put
this, but here it goes.... My love
for my wife is rapidly decreasing and I
want to end the marriage before it's too
late. Me and my wife have been
married for 4 years now. We were
mentally forced to get married. I
was only 17 and she was 18 when we got
married. We've only dated for 4
months and her mother said that she is
arranging a marriage for her with this
other guy that her mother has chosen.
In fear of loosing eachother, we decided
to get married and were dumb enought to
actually do it. We found out later
in our marriage that her mother lied.
Her mother only wanted to get the money.
In our culture, we have to pay for
our wives and I payed $6,800 for my wife.
Our marriage was good for the first
couple of months but after that, it slides
downhill without brakes. For the
past 3 years and a half, we've stopped
going out and argued more everyday.
Since we are only married in our culture,
we both decided not to get a marriage
license or have any kids incase anything
happens and we break off. We
sometimes have talks that if we were still
dating, we would have broken off already,
but trying to break off a marriage is not
as easy as saying good bye. What's worse
is that she was my first girlfriend and I
was her first boyfriend, I guess this is
why we are sinking. For almost a year
now, i've kinda met up with someone else.
She knows i'm married and I know I
am too so we didn't do anything dumb like
go out or anything that will lead to an
affair, but i'm affraid that one of these
days I will get into one. My wife
is a good woman and her love for me is
greater than my love for her and I don't
want to hurt her :cry: , that's why I
want to break off this marriage before I
do something that really hurt her.
I want to break it off before we have any
kids or go further into this marriage and
then do something stupid. How do I
end this. How do I tell her that
this marriage is not working out?
When and what is the best way to tell her
without hurting her too much? She
can get very depressed some times so I
don't want her to do anything that she
will regret. Sorry for the long
post, but please, can anyone help me?
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Melissa_20
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2006 Posts: 6806 Location: Florida
Posted: 08-22-06 10:10am
Well,one things for sure.No matter how you
tell her or when you tell her it wil hurt
just as bad as any other way you decide to
do it.You shold just get it over with
cause the longer you wait the worss it
will get especially if you think you may
have an affair later on.If there is only
love one way it will not work and
obviously is not working.
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diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3250 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 87
Thanked:125
Posted: 08-22-06 16:35pm
So true mel....
My suggestion seek marriage couseling your
marriage seems to be failing because of
lack of communication, I went through
something similar and pulled my marriage
back together. My culture there is no
divorce and neither with my husbands so I
can understand the culture thing
especially since I was told to get married
before age 25.
I'm 22 and have been married 3 years but
we were together longer than that, all I
can say is when your lacking in one area
you look to another area and it is your
commitment/communications that makes an
amazing marriage. Im not going to lie yes
it is going to be hard but i'm sick of
people treating marriage like its dirt if
you cant commit then dont get married.
Anyways if you choose to end this marriage
I hope your honest with this woman!!!
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Uzaman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jan 2006 Posts: 147
Posted: 08-23-06 04:44am
Quote:
since we are only
married in our culture, we both decided
not to get a marriage license or have any
kids incase anything happens and we break
off
if you were already contemplating the
failure of this relationship from the
start, this marriage was never going to
succeed; and it never will, since this was
obviously a 'marriage of convenience' (you
married out of fear of losing each
other).
Next time, make sure your reasons for
choosing to 'spend the rest of your life'
with someone are a little more
substantial. As for what to do
with this particular relationship; there's
nothing for it but to go your separate
ways. Time, as always, heals (or
at least dampens) emotional pain; pain you
will experience as a result of the break
up (since she was your first, and vice
versa).
I suspect that if you stay together, the
relationship will begin to fester, and you
will begin to resent (and eventually hate)
each other; especially you, since you
(frequently being in the company of
another woman whom you desire) will see
your wife as a hindrance to you
experiencing new and exciting adventures
with this other woman (or other women).
Moreover, any 'extra-marital
opportunities' that come your way are all
the more likely to get the better of you,
since as you say, your 'love' for your
wife is steadily decreasing. Sooner or
later, you will end up hurting her.
Move on, for her sake and for yours, and
learn from your experiences. And
whatever you do, don't fall prey to
temptation before you are legally no
longer 'man and wife'. You owe her
that much since your wife is (as you say)
'a good woman'.
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CC_kik
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2006 Posts: 2 Location: California
Posted: 08-23-06 12:51pm
Thank you very much for all of your
advice. I know what my decision is
already and will tell her in the very near
future. Due to a argument yesterday, it
kind of looks like our ship has already
sunk and we might be swimming in different
directions. It won't be easy, but I
guess I just need the courage to tell her
that I don't want to hurt her anymore and
that it is best for us to go our own way.
Again, thanks for all of your advice.
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diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3250 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 87
Thanked:125
Posted: 08-23-06 16:55pm
Yep please tell her the complete truth
because any lies will come and bite you in
the butt, I will remind you of one thing
though, what you didnt fix in this
marriage may carry over to another
relationship so make sure you work out all
the bugs.
