I am new here and am in desperate need of
advice. I have nobody I can talk to about
it.
I am 22 and have been in a relationship
for nearly 4 years with someone who was my
friend from around age 11, we got together
when I was 18. Our relationship didn’t
start out in any normal way. She had a
boyfriend of 3 years at the time when we
started seeing each other. At the
beginning it was a bit on and off but
after about a year we were in a fairly
stable relationship. In the first 2 years
we were fairly happy and confident with
what we had. In the 2nd year she began to
talk about marriage, this always made me
very uncomfortable as I didn’t feel at
all ready for it. We continued on,
marriage became a bigger and bigger issue,
she was so ready for it and I was so tired
of her always bringing it up and asking me
when I would be ready. Marriage became
something I just didn’t want to even
hear about anymore. More recently she and
others have been asking me why I don’t
feel ready. After much thinking I believe
it is a few things. One is that I don’t
feel at all happy with myself and who I
am, I still feel like I don’t know who I
am and haven’t yet found myself. How
can I start a life with somebody else when
I don’t even know who I am. Secondly, I
have been having doubts lately if we are
right for each other, there are a number
of things that make me think we might not
work together.
I am happy being with her a lot of the
time, it is in these times where I think
‘yes, this can work, I want to be with
her’ and there are also a fair few times
when I am not happy being with her and I
don’t want to be with her anymore.
I feel terrible because she is such a good
person and I love her so much. I know she
deserves better.
This whole issue is really dragging me
down, I am so depressed, I don’t know
what to do.
I spend most of my time by myself at home
or with my girlfriend as I have few
friends here. My escape is going
interstate to visit my best friend which I
do a few times a year. I find these times
when I am away from everything at home I
am happy, I want to get away more and
more. I hate where I am at the moment, I
feel empty and unfulfilled.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Sorry for the long post.
|
Spirit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2006 Posts: 387 Location: Canada
Posted: 08-28-06 09:51am
It's all a process of growing up and
"finding yourself" ..............I agree,
your probably not ready to get married and
being pushed to do so......Will only make
you more resentful. You need something
new and exciting to look forward
to............Change something in your
life. Doesn't mean you have to dismiss
her........Include her in some
things..............But live for yourself
also. :)
