My Experience In This Life Posted: 08-25-06 15:53pm
Let me start off by saying I am doing this
to get an opinion from people to find out
if I have a problem or if something is
wrong with me. What I wanna do is get on
here different days and kinda type what
happened on a particular day and what I
was feeling etc............
Well today was the first day back to
school for me, im a senior and im starting
to notice problems I had in my earlier
years of highschool resurfising.For
instance, I find myself going to sit in
the back of the class and not talking to
anyone,just sitting there watching
everyone else socialize. And its not like
I dont have friends,i actually have
alot.Not to say im popular but I am
friends with alot of people who are.Ive
alse noticed that when I walk I focus on
how im walking because the way im walking
feels abnormal,it feels like everyone is
watching me walk funny and I dont know
what to do with my hands and I start
putting them in my pockets grabbing my
bookbag strapps or acting like im
scratching my leg.Its really pissing me
off that im thinking this way because all
I can think about is the fact that im a
senior in highschool and im acting like a
freshmen.I had to stand up today in front
of the class to introduce myself(it was
part of the teachers plan to get everyone
to know everyone else)and right in the
middle of talking I feel this huge lump in
my throat and I go to cough. I start
feeling lightheaded and I can tell by
everyones faces and the tone in my voice
that I must have had, that they knew I was
nervous which made me all the more
panicky.I dont understand why I am this
way and it doesnt seem to matter what I
tell myself I always end up being this
way..Well thats all im going to type for
now..Ive got loads more to put on here to
help you further get into my mind.What ive
put on here so far is just the tip of the
iceburg. :)
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musicmanfrommercury
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2006 Posts: 3 Location: US
Paranoia Posted: 09-21-06 01:08am
Yo bro, I can relate to your experiences.
I've been dealing with some issues. I was
very anti-social once I started middle
school, even though I was very capable of
succeeding(e.G. I got good grades and
was good at sports). I think it's a
whole lot of paranoia(it's a personality
disorder, "paranoid personality
disorder"). Paranoia -> nervousness
-> weird behavior(don't worry about it,
people are weird, like me) -> more
paranoia -> looking up
schizophrenia(hehe) -> more paranoia.
Stop the cycle. Try to rationalize your
fears. Start small. I'm with you dude,
we have to push through little by little
and not give up hope, and we'll be
stronger for it. Peace.
