What Should I Expect From My Partner? Posted: 08-28-06 20:42pm
Hi! I have been reading on here for the
last few days as I just had an abortion on
friday. It is actually my 2nd one which
made the decision easier to deal with but
still have emotions regardless. Both
times I have been with the same person -
my long-term boyfriend. I have been going
through the regular symptoms - very
emotional today. I think it is the
hormones because I could cry about
anything right now.
Anyways... I have a question. My
boyfriend doesn't understand what I am
going through - I don't expect him to
understand how I feel because he will
never have to go through this. I just
don't know how much I should expect from
him.
Next weekend we were originally thinking
of going away with another couple.
Unfortunately i'm not supposed to be in
water for 2 weeks and I can't even wear
tampons for 2 weeks so even being in a
bathing suit is not something I want to
do. The whole weekend consists of
boating, swimming and riding on floaties
down a canal. I told him that I wouldn't
be much fun since I can't participate in
these things and that I am staying home.
He is going away somewhere else now. I
kind of feel neglected. I know this is
normal to feel but do you think he should
be staying with me or is it okay to leave?
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Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3752 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
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Posted: 08-29-06 03:56am
Excuse me if i'm being being too harsh
here but your b/f is a cheeky sod who
needs a kick up the arse! How dare he
bugger off on a holiday while you are
stuck at home after having an abortion
that I assume he wanted as well?
Sometimes men really piss me off!!!!
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Rawrrr
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Apr 2006 Posts: 28 Location: C.A
Posted: 08-29-06 04:06am
Thats pretty messed up. Especially if it
was already planned for you to go and now
you cant because of the abortion. Your
guy is pretty messed up, how can he do
that to you after you had an abortion.
He should be sitting at home with you
being a good boyfriend making sure you are
ok and making sure that you feel
comfortable and loved. You just aborted
your baby you can be feeling all kinds of
emotion. Your guy harsh.
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Moo
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 1066 Location: London
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Posted: 08-29-06 05:29am
He shouldn't be going away, you've just
had an abortion and he should be there for
you. You need his support not him pissing
off to some boating holiday just becasue
you can't go.
Sorry if this all sounds harsh but he
shuld be with you.
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dramaqueen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2006 Posts: 34 Location: United States
Posted: 08-29-06 06:50am
I agree with everyone else that he should
definitely stay with you. My guy has been
with me through the days and has gone off
with friends a couple of the nights after
my abortion, which didn't necessarily
bother me. Has your boyfriend talked
about it at all? He did want you to have
the abortion, right? Men can be so
strange sometimes. I am not defending the
way he is treating you. But as a woman
who just had an abortion, I can tell you
talking about it with my husband that he
was very scared for me. Scared for me
physically and emotionally, but didn't
know what to say, and felt there was
nothing he could really do to help me.
Something that women do need to remember,
and i'm not trying to make anyone angry
here, is that guys do have feelings where
this is concerned too. It should
definitely be a woman's choice, and we are
definitely going through a hundred times
more by all means, but maybe your
boyfriend is closing himself off because
he's just not dealing with the stress the
right way. Maybe he is stressed about
your emotional state and is trying to just
ignore it, or get away and cut loose as a
way of dealing with his stress. In any
case, that is b.S. And I would tell him
not to go. He needs to be there with you.
If he feels the need to do something so
badly this weekend, he should include you
and make it something non strenuous, like
going to dinner with friends, and then a
movie maybe. Or a nice "hang out" bar
environment. Though I would definitely
not recommend you drinking this soon. But
these are ways he could include you, where
you could enjoy your weekend too, and not
exhert too much energy or do too much to
cause you discomfort. And if you are not
emotionally in the mood to go out, tell
him to stay home. There will be other
holidays. Though he might be grumpier
staying home with you since he had to miss
his plans. If he is that way, I think I
would be taking a good long look at your
relationship.
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Carifairy
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Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
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Posted: 08-29-06 10:57am
My husband and I never want babies, so I
have had more than one abortion myself..
But he is always very supportive and
loving, almost too much.. For me an
abortion never affected me, I was just
happy to not be pregnant.
He should be supportive, and he should
stay at home and be near you..
You did this for you, but you also did it
for him too... It is a team effort.
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BUTTER-FLY
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Aug 2006 Posts: 3 Location: CANADA
Posted: 08-30-06 00:00am
Thank you for your responses. It makes me
feel like i'm still normal thinking this.
I have talked to him and I don't know what
he is going to do. He still hasn't
decided but at least we have had a chance
to talk and I was able to explain myself
to him. It is just so frustrating that
they don't fully know what it feels like
to have emotions that are all whacked or
to know what horrible cramps that almost
make you not walk feel like. Sometimes I
wish we could change places for a day.
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Tylanas
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Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
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Posted: 08-30-06 08:24am
Well, if you feel well enough, you
certainly could go boating and fishing,
the only thing you couldn't do was go
swimming. However, you should still wear
a bathing suit and pad, with a pair of
swim shorts, and hang out on the
beach/poolside. It could even be one of
those cute bikini/skirt combinations!You
could simply modify the vacation a little
so it onvolves more fishing and boating,
and less swimming. My boyfriend of two
years lives 4 hours away from me, so I
guess i'd just never expect him to always
be there for me in the physical form, even
when we'd lived together for a while.
Life is about adaptation! Don't stop
having fun just because you have to wear a
pad :)
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 08-30-06 16:27pm
If you want to go, you could even wear a
pair of cut off's and a pad and if someone
asks that does not know anything and you
do not want them to know just tell them
that you are having your period, not
everyone has to know unless you want them
to. Your b/f should be a little bit more
understanding than what he is!
