Is it selfish for people to deliberately become pregnant when their situation isn't great?
Yes
71%
[ 10 ]
no
28%
[ 4 ]
Total Votes : 14
Author
Message
Moo
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Urgency to Get Pregnant Posted: 08-30-06 08:45am
I was reading a post (and replied lol) in
the pregnancy forum by a young woman who
is clearly desparate to get pregnant -
even though she's at college. She claims
money isn't an issue as she can work 40+
hours per week and that her bf loves her.
Only sticking point she sees is her family
don't agree with young pregnancies or
something like that.
It really got me thinking about why do
some young women have such an urgent
desire to become pregnant and why don't
they think abut the reality of how tough a
child will be when at that age?
I mean, why not just wait for a few years,
finish education and get some money saved
up so that it's a good position when a
child comes along?
Now, I understand that alot of young
pregnancies are unplanned and so, if they
don't chose abortion then it's a different
situation but why would anyone
intentionally set out to get pregnant just
because they really want to but their
situation is s***?
It's so bloody selfish imo, it's just what
they want with no regards
to the thought of the child coming into
this world. I know I want to be in a
financially stable position when I have
kids which is why I chose not to drop out
of university when I found out I was
pregnant.
So, is it selfish or another explanation?
|
Emma2
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Re: Urgency to Get Pregnant Posted: 08-30-06 09:31am
moo
wrote:
i was reading a post (and
replied lol) in the pregnancy forum by a
young woman who is clearly desparate to
get pregnant - even though she's at
college. She claims money isn't an issue
as she can work 40+ hours per week and
that her bf loves her. Only sticking
point she sees is her family don't agree
with young pregnancies or something like
that.
It really got me thinking about why do
some young women have such an urgent
desire to become pregnant and why don't
they think abut the reality of how tough a
child will be when at that age?
I mean, why not just wait for a few years,
finish education and get some money saved
up so that it's a good position when a
child comes along?
Now, I understand that alot of young
pregnancies are unplanned and so, if they
don't chose abortion then it's a different
situation but why would anyone
intentionally set out to get pregnant just
because they really want to but their
situation is s***?
It's so bloody selfish imo, it's just what
they want with no regards
to the thought of the child coming into
this world. I know I want to be in a
financially stable position when I have
kids which is why I chose not to drop out
of university when I found out I was
pregnant.
So, is it selfish or another
explanation?
unplanned and not opting for abortion is
one thing. But to plan a pregnancy at
such a young and naive age is totally
irresponsible. A person at that age
doesnt know themselves, they have no
"real" life experiences, don't quite
understand that relationships are not
fairytales and are actually hard work. I
dont get how someone that young would
chose that over havingfun, clubbing,
experiencing travel, meeting new people at
college and university and just being free
for the short time youre actually young!
Its sad!
|
Moo
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Re: Urgency to Get Pregnant Posted: 08-30-06 10:43am
emma2
wrote:
unplanned and not opting for abortion is
one thing. But to plan a pregnancy at
such a young and naive age is totally
irresponsible.
thanks, glad i'm not alone in thinking
this. Obviously suprise pregnancies are
different but it's the actual deliberately
trying when in a far from ideal situation
that annoys me!
|
Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3752 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
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Re: Urgency to Get Pregnant Posted: 08-30-06 12:03pm
emma2
wrote:
I dont get how someone that
young would chose that over havingfun,
clubbing, experiencing travel, meeting new
people at college and university and just
being free for the short time youre
actually young! Its
sad!
some girls have such crappy lives
themselves that they feel their only way
out is to create a family of their own.
They feel that they will have some
control over their life in this way; they
may have had a bad childhood but they want
to give their child a wonderful one.
With reference to the poll question, I
think you need to be a bit more specific.
To say someone's situation is 'not
great' is a bit generic. What do you
mean by 'not great'?
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Re: Urgency to Get Pregnant Posted: 08-30-06 17:17pm
moo
wrote:
it really got me thinking
about why do some young women have such an
urgent desire to become pregnant and why
don't they think abut the reality of how
tough a child will be when at that
age?
maybe because no one is
singing that song. No one tells you how
hard it is and you probably wouldn't
listen if you really want to have kids at
that point anyway. Everyone just tells
you the gushy hallmark card moment version
of it and they neglect the nitty gritty
details. In that way, when you do find
out what it's really like, it's too late
and you're stuck.
Also, the reality of having children young
is relatively subjective too. If you
have someone to pay your way, help you
care for the child, and having a child
doesn't keep you from getting to do
whatever you want, then your reality is
very different from someone who has to
work two jobs, will never get to go to
college or have any other job training,
and pays a small fortune in daycare.
Quote:
i mean, why not
just wait for a few years, finish
education and get some money saved up so
that it's a good position when a child
comes along?
since we're removed from
the situation, this seems like the most
logical choice but people who are deciding
to have children or who have children can
tell you that logic, even though it's
sorely needed, rarely comes into play.
You get swept up in the baby clothes and
the baby furniture and picking out names
and having people fawn over you. You
forget that it will likely mean the end of
your educational aspirations and that you
will, if you haven't already, stagnate at
your job because of it (there is a glass
ceiling for parents in the majority of
american large businesses).
When I became pregnant, there was a time,
a very short time, when I was sentimental
about the whole thing. But, thankfully,
logic took over and slapped me over the
head. Then my life was in danger anyway
so it made the process more simple.
Quote:
now, I understand
that alot of young pregnancies are
unplanned and so, if they don't chose
abortion then it's a different situation
but why would anyone intentionally set out
to get pregnant just because they really
want to but their situation is
s***?
there are lots of
reasons. When I was 20 it seemed like
all of my friends became pregnant, one
after another. It could be attention, as
crappy as that sounds. Also, one of my
friends felt very unloved and
unappreciated at home so she wanted to
have "someone who will love me always."
no amount of telling her that children
take far, far more love than they give
could change her mind. Some women fall
to societal pressures (especially if they
come from a "traditional" family) that
they are supposed to have their
children young. Some women think they're
absolutely in love and the greatest thing
in the whole world would be to have a baby
with their partner, despite if they can
put food on the table or not.
The decision to have children is always
very personal which is why it must be a
personal choice. If this young woman
wants to have a child at her age, then
that is her choice and as such, she has my
full support and best wishes for the
future. My thoughts as to if she is
selfish or not really don't matter.
Quote:
it's so bloody
selfish imo, it's just what they
want with no regards to the thought of the
child coming into this world. I know I
want to be in a financially stable
position when I have kids which is why I
chose not to drop out of university when I
found out I was
pregnant.
if everyone was logical
about their decision to have children,
most of us wouldn't be typing here today.
Only half of pregnancies are planned and
far fewer of those are planned at the best
times in the best circumstances. My
mother planned me but financially, the
situation could have been better (as it
was when my brother was born).
Quote:
so, is it selfish
or another
explanation?
it's always
selfish. .A.L.W.A.Y.S. People do not
have children for any selfless reasons it
is always what they want, what they
desire, what they feel they have to do
despite their circumstances. It's
selfish for this young woman, it's selfish
for me to have an abortion because I want
a better life for my children than they
one I could provide at the moment, and it
was selfish of my mother to have me just
because she wanted to have children.
it's all
selfish.
|
diamondsz
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Posted: 08-30-06 18:22pm
Why would someone be selfish for having a
child if they have the financial
resources/patience at that age???
I was pregnant with my daughter at 19, I
have an awesome job a place to live and I
do my schooling at home when the kids go
to bed does that make me selfish?? I
still hang out with friends, I still go
clubbing 1 every two months and I still
have money to pay for my kids stuff and
resp.
I am not irresponsible, but im ahead of
the game!
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3962 Location: Bliss,
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Posted: 08-30-06 19:06pm
Many people say that women who have
abortions are selfish, yet the reasons
they have children are selfish in and of
themselves. It's just an "acceptable"
selfishness that disguises itself as
altruistic that makes it okay.
diamondsz
wrote:
why would someone be selfish
for having a child if they have the
financial resources/patience at that
age???
because it's selfish to have a child,
period. I challenge you to give me one
non selfish reason people choose to birth
children.
Quote:
i was pregnant
with my daughter at 19, I have an awesome
job a place to live and I do my schooling
at home when the kids go to bed does that
make me selfish??
no- what would make you selfish, at least
in the spirit of this thread, is if you
purposefully conceived children when your
life circumstances were not of the ilk to
successfully provide for them. If you're
living at home, 18, no job, no security,
nothing that a child needs, and
purposefully attempting to have a child,
especially without telling the man
involved what your intentions are, then
yes, that isn't just selfish, it's lunacy.
|
Moo
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Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 1066 Location: London
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Posted: 08-31-06 07:43am
diamondsz
wrote:
why would someone be selfish
for having a child if they have the
financial resources/patience at that
age???
i was questionning the motives of young
women who do not have that stability but
it's not the norm for teenagers to be
financially stable
diamondsz
wrote:
i was pregnant with my
daughter at 19, I have an awesome job a
place to live and I do my schooling at
home when the kids go to bed does that
make me selfish?? I still hang out with
friends, I still go clubbing 1 every two
months and I still have money to pay for
my kids stuff and resp.
I am not irresponsible, but im ahead of
the game!
did you plan to get pg at 19 with your
daughter? If not then that's not what i'm
talking about - i'm talking about deliberate pregnancies.
I also did not mention anything about
irresponsibility
|
Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 748
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Posted: 08-31-06 08:59am
Yong women desperately try to get pregnant
for any number of reasons. Some do it
because they think their lives are lacking
in something and a baby will fill the
void. Others think they need someone to
love them (because boyfriends aren't good
enough). Or some may just do it to keep
their partners with them or try to keep
marriages together, which are both
childish reasons.
The reason many girls dive head-first into
pregnancy is because everyone glorifies
children and makes parenthood seem like
the greatest experience on the planet.
And, of course, young girls equate
"greatness" with "no work" - you know,
they like to think the best things in life
are free. They don't bother telling
anyone else who might know something about
children about their desire to spawn
because, heaven forbid, said experienced
person might tell them something negative
or that work is involved. We can't have
teenage and college-aged girls getting
their hopes crushed by facts, now can
we?
In my honest opinion, I don't think anyone
has any business having kids these days
because of the overpopulation. If
everyone in the world quit breeding for a
couple of years, we would still have
overpopulation problems. And the people
who make the worst parents or who can't
support themselves are the ones shooting
out the most children/welfare checks.
I don't even want to get into how much I
hate those girls who poke holes in their
condoms or "forget" their birth control to
get pregnant without their partner's
consent. There's a special place in hell
for these evil women. But what can you
do? Humans are selfish by nature.
|
diamondsz
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Posted: 08-31-06 16:46pm
<moo>
i dleiberatly got pregnant with my first
and second was unplanned, I was married
and hubby just got back from a posting and
we thought it was a good time to try.
<to someone else post>
children are the world of tommorrow it
would actually be selfish not to have
children (im not saying everyone) but
honestly without a population everything
would be dead.
|
sandyallen
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Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 08-31-06 22:10pm
Yes but it would be great if people knew
what the the heck they were doing before
having kids besides taking another number
on the welfare line expecting to be taken
care of all of their lives and handing it
down to their children and on and on.
Welfare is great and i'm not against it if
you need it for a while for example your
husband passes on and leaves you nothing
and you have kids to raise or your husband
leaves you and he cannot be found or you
are going through an abusive relationship,
then get in, get yourself trained for
something, then get a job and get off of
welfare heck, don't let it be your
security blanket for the rest of your
life, show some pride!
|
Cambion
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Posted: 09-01-06 08:22am
Quote:
children are the
world of tommorrow it would actually be
selfish not to have children (im not
saying everyone) but honestly without a
population everything would be
dead.
oh please, children are the world of
tomorrow. All children of today have to
look forward to is the crappy world of
tomorrow and of the future, which won't be
much better. It's very selfish to go and
spawn when the world's resources are
already suffering and there's very little
room left for new people. Do we need to
breed like mad until the human race is all
standing shoulder to shoulder? I swear,
people make me sick. Thankfully i'll have
long since died when this damned world
starts to take a nose-dive because of
today's retards.
And everything wouldn't die if humans were
gone. In fact, it would be the very
opposite - humans being nonexistant would
allow other species a chance to grow.
Animals do not depend on humans to live,
nor do plants. I think it would be
interesting to think of what species may
become the dominant one if humans were
gone.
Quote:
never said being
childfree wasn't selfish either. Both are
done for selfish
erasons.
may I inquire why you think the childfree
are selfish?
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 09-01-06 09:32am
diamondsz
wrote:
<to someone else
post>
children are the world of tommorrow it
would actually be selfish not to have
children (im not saying everyone) but
honestly without a population everything
would be
dead.
with 6 billion people on
the planet, there is absolutely .N.O
danger of there not being a "population"
of human beings.
In light of this fact, it is selfish to
have children even if you strongly believe
you are doing it to make the world a
better place.
cambion
wrote:
may I inquire why you think
the childfree are
selfish?
any decision, any,
about whether to have children or not is
selfish. You cannot discuss or plan the
issue of children without using the word
"i." your wants, wishes, desires, and
plans are all selfish. Everyone's is.
But, that doesn't mean that selfishness,
in this regard, is a bad or negative
thing.
All childbearing decisions are performed
selfishly and are, in and of themselves,
selfish because no one needs to
have a child. People have children
because they want to.
|
Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3752 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
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Posted: 09-01-06 09:32am
cambion
wrote:
humans being nonexistant
would allow other species a chance to
grow.
don't worry, .Cambion,everything has its
time. I'm sure a fate similar to that
which befell the dinosaurs is in store for
the human race...Except it will be at our
own hand. We have clearly shown we are
not worthy of this beautiful planet.
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3962 Location: Bliss,
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Posted: 09-03-06 12:48pm
cambion
wrote:
I think it would be
interesting to think of what species may
become the dominant one if humans were
gone.
cockroaches.
Here is a terribly, horribly sad story
about a three year old who's bio mother
was horrible, and then sent to live with
foster parents. The foster parents
(allegedly) murdered him in a gruesome
manner.
If you want to be selfless, foster or
adopt a child.
I think it would be
interesting to think of what species may
become the dominant one if humans were
gone.
penisroaches.
Here is a terribly, horribly sad story
about a three year old who's bio mother
was horrible, and then sent to live with
foster parents. The foster parents
(allegedly) not a nice acted him in a
gruesome manner.
If you want to be selfless, foster or
adopt a child.
i am cracking up b/c I wrote "c0ckroaches"
and the darned thing edited it as
"penisroaches". :lol:
and apparently mu*der is "not a nice act".
Ridiculous!
|
diamondsz
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Posted: 09-04-06 07:06am
If it is selfish to have a child then it
is selfish for you to be alive!!!
Are you suggesting that every pregnant
woman get an abortion, thats nowhere near
pro-choice that f**king extremist
thinking!
Are you going to tell me that love is a
selfish act,bringing up a child with your
value/moral is selfish, I think not.
Honestly if you dont wanty kids great but
for people who do dont breathe down there
necks for wanting children.
If love is a want then all of you who are
with someone have just shown that you are
selfish when I so strongly believe in
choice and that a pregnancy is based on
choice for a variety of reasons, if a
woman did not want a child the she has a
choice of what to do with it.
Some of you are hypocrites
|
Moo
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Joined: 20 Feb 2006 Posts: 1066 Location: London
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Posted: 09-04-06 08:24am
birch
wrote:
i am cracking up b/c I wrote "c0ckroaches"
and the darned thing edited it as
"penisroaches". :lol:
i was wondering what a penisroach was lol
|
Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3752 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
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Posted: 09-04-06 09:17am
They have ointment for that.
|
Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 748
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Posted: 09-04-06 10:07am
[qupte]because you are choosing not to
have children to continue your lifestyle.
Having children makes the single life non
existent.[/quote]
what do you mean having kids makes single
life nonexistant? Haven't you ever heard
of single parents? I still don't
understand why you think the cfers are
selfish - because we choose not to make
the world a worse place and make more
people to suck up the dwindling resources?
I suppose if you want to see the downfall
of the human race come faster, then the cf
would be selfish for not contributing to
the plan. I'm not attacking you,
stillherelosers...Just still sort of
scratching my head at your post.
Quote:
if it is selfish
to have a child then it is selfish for you
to be alive!!!
Are you suggesting that every pregnant
woman get an abortion, thats nowhere near
pro-choice that f**king extremist
thinking!
Are you going to tell me that love is a
selfish act,bringing up a child with your
value/moral is selfish, I think not.
Honestly if you dont wanty kids great but
for people who do dont breathe down there
necks for wanting children.
If love is a want then all of you who are
with someone have just shown that you are
selfish when I so strongly believe in
choice and that a pregnancy is based on
choice for a variety of reasons, if a
woman did not want a child the she has a
choice of what to do with it.
Some of you are
hypocrites
it may not be selfish to have a child
emotionally (and in a few cases,
financially, when welfare is not
involved), but it is biologically,
especially now that people choose to defy
nature with things like ivf. Infertility
is natural birth control, and since people
have chosen to mess around with that, we
get women spawning premature
franken-litters who have all sorts of
birth defects. Then we also get women who
make ten kids the old-fashioned way who
have more than enough to make up for those
who choose not to make the world suck even
more. It's disgusting - these women must
be on some good meds to handle such a
workload. But i'm sure doctors aren't
complaining about all the thousands they
receive for ivf.
Actually, I find it funny that people
continue to have kids - they are
contributing to the downfall of their own
race and they either are oblivious to it
or they don't care.
Also, there's a difference between wanting
kids and wanting them for the right
reasons. There's a handful of good
parents out there, but they are greatly
outnumbered by stupid parents who don't
know the first thing about childcare or
who want kids for the wrong reasons (i.E.,
because it's what adults do, I want to
keep my marriage intact, I want a free
little slave, etc.). These are the people
who shouldn't be having kids.
Wanting certain things isn't selfish.
Love is a human necessity in my opinion,
but children are not. There are way too
many people having kids who can't even
support them, and then these kids end up
living crappy lives, get neglected, or get
abused. None of you can say that child
abuse doesn't exist. But since children
are the world of tomorrow, it's okay to
have them and beat them, right? Who cares
how kids get treated, just as long as they
get born. {sarcasm}
